Taking the Kids Out of It?
So BF and I are still having issues regarding his parenting of his son. Basically, so long as I handle his son, there's not a problem, but if I say something to him about his son, it causes an argument. For a while it seemed things were getting better, but now it seems things have regressed.
My BF does home repair and sometimes his work requires him to work on the weekends. So last Sunday I watched his son for him because he had some work to do.
I watched his son for 8 hours. To make the time pass quicker, I took the two younger kids to the store with me, BF's son (age 8) and my youngest daughter (age 6). BF's son was bossing my daughter around, telling her what to do, trying to hold her hand, etc. I told him he didn't have to do these things, I got her. He said but I feel she is my responsibility. I said I understand he cares about her but she is not his responsibility, he just needs to take care of himself and I will handle my daughter. But for the rest of the afternoon I had to keep telling him, leave her alone, I got her, you don�t have to tell her what to do, etc. etc.
Let me be clear, I didn't have a problem with the fact that BF's son was a little bossy, both BF's son and my D6 are both bossy, so I know they are going to bump heads from time to time. When BF came and picked his son up I asked him to talk to his son about it and he said he would.
So now this past Sunday BF and his son come over for Sunday dinner. BF's son goes into youngest daughter's room and then next thing I know, my daughter comes walking out of her room saying "E doesn't have to tell me how to tie my shoes, I told him I know how to tie my shoes, he doesn't have to tell me. I told him to leave me alone." I said to her "If you have a problem with E you need to tell his dad."
BF is sitting on the couch and says "What's that?"
I told him what was going on and he said "Why does she have to tell me?"
I said "Because he's your son"
He looked annoyed and said "Alright"
So then BF and the kids went outside to the park. After about half an hour I called him on the phone.
I asked him if he was coming back into the apartment to hang out with me and he said I seemed busy so he decided to go outside with the kids instead.
Then he said "So is this the new rule now, that if one of the kids has a problem they need to go to that kid's parent?"
I said "Well, last time we talked about teasing my daughter about being a tattle tail and you agreed that you were not going to do that anymore, that if she has a problem with E she can come to you without worrying you were going to call her a tattle tail."
He said, "No, we agreed that they need to come to one of us parents. You were right there, you could have handled it."
I said, "You know this has been going on with E for a couple of weeks now, with him bossing my daughter around. You said for me to handle issues with E myself but he still doesn't listen to come to you. Well, I've told you that I've had to tell him over ten times not to boss my daughter around and he's still not listening to me, so now I need you to talk to him."
He said, "No, I meant handle it and if he's not listening to you AT THAT TIME then come to me. Not just hand it off to me. How many times have I told your daughter to stop smacking at the dinner table? But I don't give up. That's what you did. You just gave up on E and told me to handle it."
I said "He is obviously not listening to me so I thought if you talk to him he might listen." Then he said "No, if he�s not listening to you then you need to put him in time out and have him sit in a corner." Which was new to me. He has never told me before this to put his son in time out. We argued some more and the end result was BF and his son did not stay for dinner.
Like I said before, I don't care about BF's son being bossy. What I have a problem with is when I say something to BF about his son. He doesn't have a problem if I correct his son. There's only a problem if I say something to him about his son.
And it's not like I'm running to him every two minutes about his son. Some things I over look, some things I'll just handle myself, but in this situation I was tired of correcting BF's son and thought BF needed to step in and handle it this time.
I feel like BF does not want to do the hard part of the parenting. Parenting is not all fun and games, if there's an issue with his son he needs to handle it and not worry about whether I handled it first or not, etc. If he ever says something to me about my girls I don't give him a hard time about it, I handle it.
So now I'm at the point where I don't know what to do. I'm thinking maybe we should continue dating but just keep the kids out of it, but I'm not sure how feasible that will be. I can leave my girls home alone for a while now that my eldest is 13, but it will be hard for BF. He will have to find a babysitter because his son isn't old enough to stay home alone yet. That was one idea I came up with.