Step Son - plan
My step son is 14 (6ft 170lbs), I have already raised my own son who just turned 20. My step son is very disrespectful to my wife and I as well as his BF (bio father). I can understand why he is disrespectful to his BF to some degree as his BF is an alcoholic that has had 5 DUI's and is currently charged with violation of his probation.
Recently my step son had expressed that he was depressed (e.g. "My life sucks" "What is the point of living" ect.) so his mother looked into outpatient care for him. He was attending this behavioral care facility but still continuing to use his angry verbally abusive tactics when he would not get his way. On a recent occasion ss and wife had just returned home and he was already in his mood. SS asked his mother to take him to his friends house to "hang out" as he had done four nights in a row, his mother declined saying that he needed to stay home that night (I was unaware that he had been working her over verbally the whole ride home approx 1.5 hrs). SS turned and asked if I would take him and I also said no that I was tired myself and would also not go against his mother's decision. Obviously ss did not like the answers he was getting so he started swearing, dropping the F-bomb and telling us how bad we were for not taking him. He went in the living room and sat down where he continued to swear loud enough so that we could hear it in the kitchen. I walked out and knelt down across from him to ask him what the problem really was and he said "get out of my face" I replied with "I am not in your face", he repeated his request so I stood and walked back in to the kitchen. SS got up and walked in to the kitchen where he was still swearing and I asked him "what is your issue...." and before I could complete my question he yelled F U at me and began to walk down the hall. I went after him reached out to turn him by grabbing his arm and told him that it was unacceptable to speak to us that way. I let go and he ran out of the house. My wife has since asked me to leave our house over the matter and I find myself struggling to make sense of the events.
I have spoken to my pastor about this happening and he agrees with my wife that I should not have touched my ss at all. I tried to tell him that I raised my own son this way and we had and still have a great relationship. I called my son and asked him what he thought and he indicated that I was justified as have many of my friends and family but nonetheless I am still outside of my house and struggling with what I need to do to change my approach to better fit the situations of extreme disrespect that I find myself encountering with this child.
I have a meeting with my wife and my pastor today and I have been given an assignment to detail how I will change the way I handle future engagements to ensure a feeling of safety for all involved and I would appreciate (actual need) the publics help with said plan.