disrespectful step kids

nantomOctober 9, 2009

I have been married for a little over a year to a very good man. He has two boys, one 22 and the other 19. I have a daughter 15. The problem is the boys, the 19 year old sleeps all day and stays on the computer all night, he get very angry if his dad mentions him going to work. The 22 year old works but only part time, he to stay up all night and sleeps all day. A few days ago, my husband was working in the yard and ask the 19 year old to help him, the boy went off the deep end, he began yelling that he hadn't been up long and he hadn't eaten and that there was nothing he like to eat in the house, that all his dad cared about was his new wife and my daughter. He was cursing and screaming, telling his dad that he didn't care about him,that he was mistreating him and his brother and had forgotten his 2 kids for his new family. His brother came in around 2 AM when my husband was going out to work and he said the same things, and said he was moving out the next day and his brother was going to live with their mother, (who hasn't wanted them since the youngest one was 13). They are still here giving everyone the silent treatment or smart answers when ask anything. Now understand that my husband and I both work, and he works 2 jobs, so we can support our family, make the house payments, bills and we spend between $150 to $200 a week at the grocrey store, plus buying cartons of soda,(they drink a 12+ a day). They do nothing to contribute to the house, we even pay the older boys car insurance because he won't and the car is in my husbands name. I don't want this to come between my husband and I, but I am worried its going too. What can I do?

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jennbmal

Wow, we are kindred spirits! Read my post "My stepdaughter is driving me crazy" Obviously, I can't give you much advice because I am in the same boat and have no idea what to do. If my husband mentions to my stepdaughter finding a job that makes a living, she just cries and says you can't find a job like that at her age (which is almost 21). Have you talked to your husband about this at all?

    Bookmark   October 9, 2009 at 2:26PM
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sylviatexas1

same song indeed, jenn.

This is intimidation, & you & hubs are enabling it;
buying them soda & providing them with a roof is like paying a blackmailer.

You *never* get them "paid off".

They'll always be there, demanding more & more & more.

& screaming is physical intimidation, which escalates to elder abuse.

which supports one of my pet theories, that grown men who abuse their nearest & dearest often were overindulged brats who always got their own way, at first by tantrums, then by physical intimidation, then by hitting & punching & terrorizing.

I channeled my father on jenn's thread;
on this one, maybe y'all can imagine what your own fathers would have done with an adult son who lay around all day & lived off his dad & screamed when he was "asked" to "help.

    Bookmark   October 9, 2009 at 3:24PM
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perdue2

At 19 and 22, they are no longer children; they are adults and should begin acting as such. Adults work to support themselves which is what they should be doing. But why should they when they have someone taking care of everything for them? You are enabling them to be the way they are. It is time to cut them off and let them fend for themselves. If they want to drive, they need to pay for insurance. You have the upper hand in this matter since the car is in your name. If they don't pay, they don't drive, period. If they want soda or something else special, let them buy it themselves. If not, they'll have to eat/drink whatever is available. Force them to be responsible. You can't make them be respectful, but you don't have to be walked all over either. A little responsibility may humble them.

    Bookmark   October 9, 2009 at 7:07PM
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