how much child support do you pay?

MaryOctober 17, 2001

Hi everyone. I have been a non-custodial stepmom for nearly 5 years now. I'm curious to know what the average weekly child support is for one child. I know that this varies from family to family and from state to state depending on a number of things, but I'm just curious what some avg. figures are. I actually have no idea. (and I'm not complaining about it either... just curious) We pay 120 a week for my 8 yr old SS.

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My three stepsons receive $150 a month from their mother. She lives out of state and has 2 other children which affects the amount she has to pay for these boys. It used to be double that, $315 a month, but she worked the system and had it reduced by over half. We want to fight the reduction because it seems too little to us to raise three growing boys. We aren't money hungry, we would just like to provide well for the kids. My husband and I both work good paying jobs.

    Bookmark   October 17, 2001 at 5:41PM
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I don't pay child support, but I do receive it for my two daughters. For the two of them, I get $200 a week- plus their father has to pay for their insurance, any out of pocket medical expenses, and for child care if I decide I want to work. I live in NJ, and their dad makes around $35,000.00 a year.

    Bookmark   October 17, 2001 at 5:43PM
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Christine, just what are you expected to pay? He has to pay for child care IF you decide to work? That's outrageous. I hope he finds a different lawyer and gets that amended.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2001 at 12:10PM
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Wow HeatherChristi.. I about fell out of my chair when I read your post. You should kiss the ground your ex-husband walks on (or, better yet, kiss his lawyer...)

To the original poster - here in KY it does depend on the salary of the mom and the salary of the dad. However if the non-custodial parent "just doesn't feel like working", they do not have to pay child support, and it's all left up to the custodial parent.

I get zero dollars per month in child support. Been that way for the first 5 years of her life and it'll be that way til she reaches 18. No biggie, I like doing it all. :-)

However, I must say, the father did buy her a coloring book last year for Christmas just before going back to jail.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2001 at 12:55PM
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The main reason I don't choose to work is that my kids father doesn't want me to. One of our daughters is disabled, and would require very expensive specialized childcare, which he would prefer not to pay so he doesn't want me to work. He also likes knowing that I am always around for the kids, he wants his kids to have a SAHM. He isn't really good at being a dad, he has other priorities and only chooses to see his children occasionally- but he does love them very much, and he wants the best for them- so he pays the child support, and I think he feels he is fortunate thats all he has to do. He likes that we make sure the kids have nice things- vacations, lessons, etc. and he is always saying what good care I take of the kids, he knows we spend a lot more on them than just what he pays, and he is fine with it. He didn't have a lot of nice things growing up, and he likes to see his kids have more than he did. Not all fathers are looking to pay the bare minimum in support.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2001 at 3:23PM
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The biomom is suppose to pay ONLY $100.00 a month for her 2 boys. Sad to say she doesnt even pay that. So we are taking her to court. Our lawyer said she will probably have to pay around 350.00-400.00 plus half of their daycare expenses.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2001 at 9:29PM
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Christine, thanks for that explanation. That's perfectly reasonable and I'm sorry I was so harsh. Please forgive me.

Now, one more question. How the heck can you do all that on only $200.00 a week. LOL. Really, share some of your tips.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2001 at 8:24AM
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We don't do everything on his $200 a week! If I had to live on that we wouldn't be doing very well at all! My kids stepfather has a good job and is the one who provides for us, that is the only way I am able to stay at home. My kids bio-father and I have been on good terms lately, but there was a time when he complained a lot about how much child support he had to pay until he came over to our house and saw where his kids were living and then he changed his tune. Once he realized that they live in a nice house, and have nice things he knew a lot more was being spent on them than what he sent. I know he is also jealous of their stepfather, although he is happy the kids have him and he has expressed how happy he is that the kids have a father figure in their lives now. He wishes he could be an everyday dad to them like their stepfather is but he also realizes he is just not cut out for it. I think he feels guilty knowing it should be him raising then, but he isn't capable of making that commitment. So he is happy to do what he is capable of, which is sending money.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2001 at 9:05AM
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We are in Canada and pay $460/mth but that being lowered by the mom one day (promise is never kept). She says she only needs $200/mth and understands that was based on an old income. $200 is for under $30,000 and 460 was based on $50,000. So we will eventually pay $200 plus all extra activities, school clothes and winter gear. She makes very good money so to her it is more important that we see him on weekends.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2001 at 9:25AM
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I think you need to ask two questions:

First, given you are paying $120/wk and assuming your husband has at least half responsibility for the welfare of his son, how well do you think you could live on $240 a week? Whilst a kid has some fewer expenses than an adult, the true cost of keeping them isnt that much less than an adult, given that they still need entertainment, have a high turnover of clothes, use electricity, take rides in a car or bus etc. Obviously the cost will depend where you live.

Second, you need to ask the level of emotional responsibility and buy-in you and your husband take for his sonÂs welfare. Examine your motives: does the buck stop with your husband as his parent (i.e. will he support his son as best he can, regardless of the efforts of the kid's mother, subject to his income) or are you trying to keep the costs to the legal minimum?

There are many non-custodial parents who take the responsible position and Mary, I am not suggesting you are irresponsible - but only you know your own heart. But I am amazed at some ÂfatherÂs rights websites where their two big gripes of some of the extreme activists are lack of contact with the kids they love, and their simultaneous desire to drive down their support obligations as if they were trying to minimise taxes or something! Maybe I'm thick or something, but these two objectives seem at odds and I can't relate to it at all. The thought of another man supporting my kids (one biological, one step) would make me sick regardless of whether I lived with them.

Please  I'm not having a go at non-custodial parents  not all are like this. But this kind of thinking ought to be eliminated. In this case, Mary, I suggest you examine your motives and principles, and hope you make the caring decision.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2001 at 10:59AM
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Hi Adrian,

I think you may have read into my post a little too much. But we are in agreement on much of what you said. I was really just curious about how child support differed from state to state and situation to situation. I wondered if I was in the high range or the low range, or just about avg.. I have no desire to change the amount of support or 'keep it to the legal minimum' as you suggested I might be. Actually, when my husband gets a raise, promotion, etc. We are the ones to notify the court and the mother that a reevaluation and an increase is due.

But that's okay... you didn't know what my motives were just from my post and I know that many non-custodial step mom's out there do wish to keep child support at the legal minimum. It's sad. To be honest though, here in Michigan 120-200 a week does seem like a lot to me for a 8 year old. My own 5 year old honestly doesn't cost me 240 a week. BUT nevertheless, I believe this kid (or any kid) deserves the extras, so there are no complaints here. As the non-custodial side, we try to be as emotionally/financially nurturing as possible. We throw in all of the extras we can... its a child's life we're talking about here!

I wonder what makes the formula for child support so different from state to state though. Some children are expected to get by on 0-50 dollars a week, some on 120-200 a week... and in many cases, their non-custodial parents are making a similar income. I don't think that's right. But what bothers me more is what someone above said could take place in KY... that if non-custodial parent just decides to stop working that they don't have to pay child support! In MI, if you have once shown that you are capable of providing say up to $100 a week in support, you are responsible for that amount whether you are demoted, lose your job, or decide to quit working. As it should be.

My 2 cents

    Bookmark   October 22, 2001 at 3:14PM
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I'm pretty sure in TX that you have to pay if you are "able" to earn money. If you are out of work, you pay based on what you could earn in your profession. If you don't pay, you go to jail. There are several factors involved, but I hear it is customary for a dad to pay 25% of his income to the ex. Add 5% for ea. additional kid, and we pay 35% to my husband's ex. We also pay all health insurance costs, and 1/2 of any uncovered medical expenses. She normally "forgets" to pay her 1/2, it goes on my husbands credit report, and we end up paying 100%. The support was based on his income at the time of the divorce. When we got together, he was making considerably less money, and tried to get it lowered so we could pay bills while living in a one bedroom apartment (I wasn't making that much $ at the time either). The Attorney General's office said it did make a difference, but it would only amount to him saving $50 per month, and they don't make adjustments for that little of an amount. I was floored!! Anyway, nobody is expected to "live" off of child support, it is intended as money to help the custodial parent. Even if the parent had no children living with them, they still have to pay rent, car payments, and utilities. Sure, these bills are higher with kids, but to expect child support to pay 1/2 of your living expenses is unrealistic (and unfair).

Anyway, we are making much more money now, and have one of the kids living with us. (Yes the child support is still being paid to the ex on three kids, and no we don't get any support from their mother, still grinding my teeth about that one!!) I've found the system to be very unaccomodating to the non-custodial parent. The payments are sent to the Attorney General, then they forward it to the mother. There is usually a severe delay, and she is constantly complaining about getting late checks. We have all discussed getting the child support adjusted without resorting to court for custody of the child that lives with us, but it is totally in the custodial parent's hands. She has a case worker, locally in her city. My husband has to call a long-distance number and sit on hold for 30 minutes. He's never made any headway trying to resolve anything with the agency. No wonder so many men are "dead beats" in our state. The ones who care, and want to support their children are treated like deadbeats who don't have any rights anyway!!!

We also pay for most "extras" like camps, clothing, and whatever else comes up. We also send money at Christmas so they can have more gifts from Santa Claus. They get disappointed when they spend Christmas at our house, because it isn't as extravagant. Anyway, the ex has it pretty sweet, and in five years, when they have all reached the age of 18, she'll probably go broke without all the support.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2001 at 5:53PM
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I know what you mean about the non-custodial dads getting treated as 'dead beats' by the courts. The court automatically assumes that the dad does not want to pay his child support or help out with extras, even if he does all the time in addition to being a superb father!! For example, they were so rude to my husband when he and my ss's mutually decided to grant dad with joint custody a few years back, she ended up having to contact them herself to get it all taken care of because they wouldn't help/listen him! She also asks for extras sometimes and my DH gladly pays, but they do everything through the court so that it will be on record. What a messed up system for those who are sincerely trying to make it work. Even ss's mom agrees the treatment is unfair.

And like you, for quite some time my DH was paying 460 dollars a month for his son in child support.... not excessive, but it was about exactly half of what he took home at the time. All the while, she was making much more money than he was. He was desperately trying to work a full time job, teach two classes at the university (as a grad student) and earn his master's degree to get a better job to (for one) support his son better! He makes more now and we are all doing okay now, but what a struggle.

Oh well, no sense in griping about things I can't change, but its nice to vent sometimes I guess. The most important thing in the end is not the money, the rude agencies and courts, etc. Its the family and whether or not you succeeded together.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2001 at 8:27PM
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Well, I think we probably top all the payments listed here! My H pays his ex-w a total right now of $2700.00 per month! (and he has custody of his S, the D lives with Mom) About 1/2 of this amount is all alimony which in this state she will continue to receive until she remarries or is deceased. She's told us she will never re-marry...

    Bookmark   November 1, 2001 at 8:40PM
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Child support is a big arguement in house right now. My children's father pays me $45 weekly for 2 children. My husband constantly is telling me to take him back to court for more money. We argue about this all the time. I say leave well enough alone. He has two children with his new wife and I don't want them to suffer because I needed a little more money. Am I way off base?

    Bookmark   November 2, 2001 at 9:23AM
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I think you are great! You are abviously very kind. If you dont need it why punish someone else and thier other family. If you cant live without it then yes you should ask. A father should support their child but why take what you dont need. If he can afford extra maybe he should put it away when he can for the kids (all 4)education or first car. Etc.. Then everything works out in the end. My mom only asked for $1/mth and she worked at a grocery store. She could make due so she didnt want to bother and he never saw me anyways.

    Bookmark   November 2, 2001 at 12:41PM
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The court does not just pick a number out of thin air to base child support upon. It is based on the income of the non custodial parent. It really is the only fair way to do it. And it isn't a parents right to refuse child support - the support belongs to the child. If you don't need it to pay bills, put it in the bank for the child's education.

    Bookmark   November 2, 2001 at 7:55PM
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My husband (we live in CA) used to pay $1150.00 plus health insurance for his two kids who lived in Idaho with their maternal grandparents (the kid's mother does not pay anything). Child support was based on his wages and the ages of the children. Even though the cost of living in Idaho is lower than CA - it does not matter. We even asked the granparents to fill out a monthly expense sheet - to justify the amount - still did not add up to $1150.00 a month. It is just based on my husband's income. Our attorney admits that it is not fair - but the more you make - the more you pay.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2001 at 3:46PM
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we have to pay a total of 7250.00 a month!! 6000 is for the ex wife until she dies or remarries and she said she would never remarry. we also pay for every exspence for 1 child, not sure what the child support is for? we are sent bills for everything!! we also had to give the ex wife 50,000 start up money. i hate this state. we now have 2 children together and my husband lost his job. so ex wife drug us back to court and asked for 10,000.00 a month. the judge didn't give it to her, but he didn't reduce it either. so jobless with 2 more babies we still had to pay her. we had to move to get another job and had to live in our rv because we couldn't buy a house. but after 10 months we saved enough to get a house.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2001 at 1:06PM
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A light note here:

I just received my VERY FIRST child support check. I about keeled over when I saw it in my mailbox yesterday. Wasn't really sure what it was... those words on the front... "Child Support"... was it real?

$100. A whole whopping $100. Of course, the father of my 5 year old daughter called me to make certain it arrived and boasted grandly about it. "That's pretty good, ain't it?" was what he said.

For him, yeah, it is...

    Bookmark   November 8, 2001 at 1:35PM
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And the moral of the story is: Buyer beware.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2001 at 5:40PM
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I live in AZ, but pay in TX where for one child the guideline has you pay 20% of net (deduct Federal, SS, Medicare, State Income Tax if any from gross)if one child is before the court. It is 17.5 % if 2 children are before the court.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2001 at 5:24PM
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I have two SS we pay 700 per month to the ex-wife. I also have a DS and DD, I receive 400. 11 and 8 are the ages of the kids (2 age 11, 2 age 8) My ex is getting off easy.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2001 at 9:16PM
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I get $350/month for child support, and we pay a percentage of medical costs not covered by insurance. I pay health insurance and child care (that's just added into the $350).

    Bookmark   November 25, 2001 at 6:19PM
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We pay $500/mo for child support plus 1/2 of non-reimbursible medical costs. (one child) Divorce decree states $300, but we raised it a few times since DH got better jobs. Her mom has done a fantastic job and though we are not best buddies, we get along very well. Despite the divorce, both parents put their daughter first - as it should be. We didn't waste money on courts and everyone is happy.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 12:07PM
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We now get $169/mo for 3 kids, but for a long time it was only $110/mo for 3 kids, and 1/2 medical once we met the amount set by the court. BM had gotten some decent raises since DH and her divorced, but didn't say anything to the court or us for that matter, we only found out when she took us back to court for tax issues, and she was surprised when we also filed for increase in child support, and was granted the increase. She only pays her c/s, and refuses to pay for ANYTHING else, her feelings are that is what c/s is for and why should she have to pay for anything beyond that, she is clueless if she thinks that $56/per kid covers 1/2 of their care for a week. I have a 17, 14, and 13 and they go through everything, clothes, school supplies, shoes...etc....oh well at least we have the kids, and they are in a stable loving home...

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 1:58PM
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Oops...I ment to say per week...not per month

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 2:16PM
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Wow sounds like your DH's ex should be with my ex. He never got the kids birthday presents, Christmas presents nothing. His reason? "I pay child support" I was receiving $882 a month for 2 kids. The amount was based on a comparison of our two incomes as well as the expenses I would encounter from having sole custody of the kids. In 11 years the support amount was never changed, his new wife sent me a check every month, nothing went through the courts other than the original order. He warned me not to make waves. We also live in different states from where the support order was issued.
He hasn't seen the youngest in nearly 10 years, the oldest in almost 6. I also paid all medical expenses. That's not what the court ordered, but I could never get any help out of him and it was easier to just pay it.
Oh and he moved last summer and didn't tell the kids. I had a suspicion and found him on the Internet. But he still won't give the kids his phone number.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 2:23PM
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We only went back to court since she was taking DH back for stupid reason, so we figured it was good timing. DH divorce is also in a different state from where we live (IN vs. OH)
I guess I don't understand the the whole thing. These are their KIDS, and yet they do not what to do anything really for them, and they feel justified since they pay their monthly C/S that is all kids need (in their eyes) BM does see the kids we figured it out to be about 28 hour every two weeks...of which they sleep about 10 of those hours, and 4 or 5 of them she is at the bar. DH has full custody of "our" kids. The thing that just frustrated the heck out of me is she is always complaining to the kids that "we take all of her money"

One thing that keeps me calm is that I know that I get to see the kids grow up to be healthy productive adults, and knowing that I helped them get to that point, more so than BM did, and I hope they look back and relize who really was there for them....and if they don't see it I will at least know that I did the best I could...

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 3:04PM
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The kids will definitely know who was there for them. My boys are 19 and 21 now. My youngest caught on at an early age. But my oldest grew up blaming me for his father not being in contact with him. His whole attitude changed about 3 years ago. He can see the big picture now and has become much closer to me. My kids know who is there for them and always will be there for them. I don't understand how people think paying child support is parenting enough.
I also don't get it when I hear someone say that they are going to go for full custody of their kids so they won't have to pay child support anymore. Do they honestly think that raising kids is free? Geez!

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 4:02PM
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Back when hubby was paying CS to the egg donor for two kids, he paid 1150 per month, which included daycare for the baby. Well egg donor didnt send baby to daycare until baby was almost 2 (took her to work with her) and by the time we were able to get it to court for a reduction, baby was finally in daycare and the court's could not find it in their hearts to make egg donor pay back all that daycare money hubby paid out.

Fast forward to the present, hubby has had custody of baby now for almost 6 years and egg donor only had to pay 100 per month cause she said she only worked part-time at wal-mart. Again we find out she lies and works at a place making almost $15.00 per hour....we go back for a upward modification and it gets raised to $400 per month. Egg donor is suppossed to pay half of medical.

As it stands now, egg donor is $8K in arrears and hasn't seen baby in 2 years and hasn't talked to her in over 1, even though she lives less than an hour away.

Egg donor is a waste of good air as far as I am concerned.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 7:44PM
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I pay $382.00/month to my ex-wife for my 11 year old son. I have partial physical custody and joint legal custody. I am remarried and have a two year old daughter and another child on the way. My ex is a good mother, but a lousy ex-wife, (is there any other kind?) I also pay half of all non-covered medical expenses and half of daycare (before and after school care at the YMCA.) I also make it a point to make sure that I am in my son's life as much as I can be. I see him every weekend, holiday, birthday and any days I can get in between. I provide anything he needs while he stays with me. I buy him clothes because his mother lets him pack whatever he wants when he comes over, and I will not let him go to church with us in old jeans and a t-shirt. I buy presents on his birthday and Christmas. We do something every weekend like going to or renting a movie, playing miniature golf, going to the arcade, or really anything we find interesting. The problem is that the ex-wife thinks I contribute very little to him. She only sees the child support amount not the other things I do. I had to get out of the military three years ago because I injured my back. I tried to go straight from the military into a civilian job and eventually found one that looked promising. But, after a year I could not handle it anymore because my back was killing me from the commute and the work. I was working in a warehouse as a shipping agent (there wasn't much lifting to do but still I had to lift things) and driving 80 miles a day to and from work. My work was suffering and they eventually let me go. I tried to find other suitable work, at a wage that I could support my new family, in what I knew how to do (transportation and warehousing) but the jobs I found still required that I lift. Since I was disabled through the military I turned to the Veterans Administration for help. They did tests and evaluations on me and found that I was suitable for their vocational rehabilitation program. They will send me to college to learn a new skill to let me get back on my feet. I have been going to college for two years now and look forward to graduating and getting a good job.

The problem is that I only get around $1200/month for my disability stipend and the part-time work that I do in the veteran's office at my college. I answer phones, fill out paperwork, and file folders. It's not much but it fills in the time between classes. My ex-wife took me back to court last year because she said that I had not paid my part of my son's non-covered medical expenses. I took every bill that was sent to me and a cancelled check with the amount that I had paid, which was half. She came into court waving the bills around and to my surprise I had not paid these bills. Why? Because I had not seen these bills, she had never sent them to me to be paid. I asked the hearing officer "how could I have paid these bills when I haven't even seen them?" The answer was "well, you see them now, arrears set for $994.00." That was not the first time she had done that. She was also trying to raise the child support amount and was asking for $450.00 based on our incomes. She knew that I was going to school and did not have a good paying job. She also knew that if I lost my job for any reason the courts would go by the amount I had last made because that is how much I am able to make in a similar job. Note that I cannot work in a similar job because of my injury, also note that I am slightly disabled do to that injury, and also note that I am currently in college trying to better my chances of finding a better job.

I had asked my ex, before all of this, if she would agree to lower the amount by $100 a month because I was in school,(I had agreed to raise it two years before by $100 because she had also lost her job and had returned to school) she flat out said NO! She refused to return the favor. So, I had filed a counter claim to try to lower the amount but was denied because the courts go by what I previously made. The good thing was that they didn't raise it any further for her.

I love my son, I love the time we have together. I have no more love for my ex-wife and do no favors for her. She had denied me of so many things while we were married and after we were divorced. I will no longer be a puppet to her games. I plan to graduate with a bachelor's degree and go on to graduate school and get a doctorate degree. She fuels my desire to get though college. When things get hard and homework piles up and exams are near and I get stressed out and ask myself "why am I doing this???" I just think of her.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2002 at 1:31AM
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it is so sad that some parents don't realize that the welfare of the child is the main focus of child support. My darling ex recently stopped paying, no order, nothing he just stopped. The state the orders are from state that he must pay until 24 if the child is in college. My son is in college and my expected family contribution was figured with the child support added to my income. Now that it is gone, they say that I must wait to have the aid refigured. So now I am making a payment of $250 each month to the college and I have lost $882 in child support. Do the math. It means I must now work two jobs and my son must figure out how to pay for books, clothes and other expenses. Meanshile daddy dear is sitting in his brand new house, driving a brand new car and giving his wifes kid everything. Parents like this make me sick. He called out of the blue and promised to help with expenses. He even told my son that a check was in the mail. That was two weeks ago and my son has seen nothing.
Sorry, I am just venting. It is so aggravating to invest all the years and heartache raising a child to be a good person and finally relaize that the worst thing in your child's life is his own father.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2002 at 9:19PM
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We recieve over $1000/month per child as servior benifit from Social Security. We are suppose to receive $192/month for my step son. She only pays some of the time. It is sad, they are worth more dead than alive.

    Bookmark   December 3, 2002 at 10:36AM
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My ex now is now supposed to pay $302/month for our 12 yr. old son. He was paying $355/month for the last 6 or 7 years. He rarely pays on time, often skips months and is now over $2400 in arrears. A couple of years ago he was over $10,000 in arrears and got arrested. I settled for $8500 because he gave me a sob story about how little money he had. He turned around and hired a lawyer and sued me for custody!!! My DH and I had to use $2,000 of the settlement money to retain a lawyer(a good one). Now he tells our son that I have $8500 of HIS money and he(son) can spend it on whatever he likes!!
4 months ago he filed to have his support reduced because he lost a big contract(he's self-employed) and in the paperwork he indicated that he shouldn't have to pay so much because MY husband makes money too. The state reduced the amount by $50. He was in arrears when he filed the motion and hasn't paid any CS since Sep.
I still encourage our son to be involved with his dad, he sees him every other week at least. The ex is a flake and his bright son realizes this but it doesn't diminish the love he has for his dad.
BTW I pay for all of the health ins. for our son and carry a life insurance policy with son as beneficiary- these are things the ex is SUPPOSED to be doing!

    Bookmark   December 4, 2002 at 9:31PM
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Bad subject! We pay $1,500 a month for a 5 1/2 year old. He is in public school and all the clothes he wears are hand-me-downs from his cousins. The only new thing I've seen him get are shoes and a backpack for school. She asks us to buy things like cleats for soccer, baseball bat and glove and medical deductibles (we supply the coverage,too). However, she has a brand new $40,000 SUV, lives in a new house in an affluent part of town and makes less than I do. We can hardly afford to make our mortgage because of the child support. In GA you pay according to a schedule dependent upon your income. She gets the maximum allowable. How nice for her.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2002 at 11:04AM
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I get $76.00/month for 2 kids. We share custody - 2 weeks at each house. Even thought he made $12,000/year more than I did when we divorced, I still only got $76.00/month. I don't know what they thought I was supposed to pay for with that. Even though it was a struggle, before I got remarried, I always saved the support checks and spent it directly on the boys and the things they needed/wanted. Now that I am married, I still save them up and continue to spend them only on the boys needs.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2002 at 1:40PM
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Every time this subject comes up, it galls me. We are currently paying $400/month for DH's two children. No problem there, we pay consistently, and there is never an "issue" about child support. When they need a little something over the top, they ask. We pay extra for football, contact lenses, we won't pay for modeling school, or driving lessons (the only reason is that dd wants to get her license early). It all works out, sometimes the kids are pleased, sometimes they're not. However, I do take exception to whazzup's comment -- "The court does not just pick a number out of thin air to base child support upon. It is based on the income of the non custodial parent. It really is the only fair way to do it". We also have full custody of an 11 year old, and her mother is a complete and total waste of skin. Pays nothing, not one red cent. We've gone to look into child support and were told that as long as she's not working, there's not much you can do. So, no, the only fair way to do it is to make the non custodial bioparents get off their collective a**es and get a job to support the children they put on this planet. Are we making it, sure we're making it, but what do you think it does to this kid's psyche when she realizes that she wasn't worth $5 a month to her mother? She has custody of one of her three children, she married a man with three kids, and has taken on 2 of her cousin's kids, and one of her stepdaughter's friends who was kicked out of her house. How do you think my SD feels that her mother cannot afford to pay one red cent to her care, yet is currently "responsible" for seven kids, only one of which is biologically hers? And, SIX dogs; one of them ALWAYS expecting a litter. Hmmmmm. Fortunately for my daughter, she's only 11 and doesn't get it, and doesn't really even realize any of the CS issues. However, she does realize that her mom cannot call because she didn't have money for the bill so her phone was disconnected. She cannot afford to come to visit because "the car doesn't work", or she's busy taking "the kids to their other activities", or she has a cold "and cannot afford medicine", or "she just plain cannot afford to take my SD out". She sees that, and with any luck, in time, she'll see her biomom for the pig that she is. SD wants for nothing, and we'll see that it stays that way. However, if I had my way, I'd be in court on a weekly basis forcing something out of her, anything. She hasn't seen her mother for two years because her mom moved 1 hour and 45 minutes away and doesn't want to drive all that distance for a one day visit. If she can't have her for the weekend, she doesn't want to see her at all. Wouldn't even consider driving up on Saturday and staying in a hotel Saturday night. Talk about biting off your nose to spite your face. Sorry folks, just really irks me.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2002 at 5:52PM
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In australia child support is based on the income of the non custodial parent. If this amount is not sufficient to meet apropriate living standards for the child the government gives extra monetary assistance to the custodial parent.. Is this not the case in the US?

    Bookmark   December 15, 2002 at 5:21AM
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lmprice... that is a LOT of money! Holy Cow!! We used to pay 500/mo for my SS, who is 6 now. At one point, before we were married, it was half of my husbands take home pay and he REALLY struggled to even survive.... even living on mac n cheese and ramen noodles at one point while he finished his master's degree and worked 1.5 jobs! He never complained once though for paying for his little boy! Now, things have changed and we have sole physical custody of SS. BM is supposed to pay US 200 dollars a month. She is employed. It's been over 7 months now and we have not seen a red cent! She has been ordered to show cause in January.... so we'll see what happens. Hopefully they'll start garnishing her wages soon.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2002 at 7:41AM
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My BF pays $777/mo for 2 children 3 and 5 plus he pays medical insurance. This is in the state of WA. Does anyone think this is too much? She also lied to the gov. to get FREE daycare $ (900.00/mo) which she pockets b'cause her mother watches them 4 free and she goes to school 4 free AND gets food stamps AND lives w/ her mother who is very wealthy and does everything for the kids except she didn't give birth :) I wish I knew how she gets by w/ all these lies..but more power to her.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2002 at 10:49AM
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I'm suppose to see $112.00 a week for 2 kids, plus he's suppose to carry insurance for them, but I"m not foolish enough to leave their well being in his hands!! I have received 50$ in 2 yrs, and that was due to a contempt....

My kids don't want for anything; they have a "daddy" and are very happy. The ex doesn't know what he's missing.

As for my husbands gets everything but the kitchen sink. Medical, eye, dental, plus half of whatever isn't covered by Ins. We pay $120.00 a week for the one child, plus spring and winter clothes, half of sports, pictures that we never see, camps, basically anything that comes up......

    Bookmark   December 31, 2002 at 9:54AM
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I will just add.....that I have never onced received child support from my ex husband. But that is fine with me...he also have no visitation rights. It has been 2 1/2 years since he was ordered to pay child support. Nothing, but that is ok we go to court on Jan 13th for my husband now to adopt my(our)daughter. I will say it was very hard for me as a single mom to pay for everything with no support. But the plus side I did not have to deal with him....LOL

Wish us luck.....we have been told the adoption should go through since he has never had any contact with my daughter in almost 3 years. She is now 4 and her daddy is her step dad....but she has always called him daddy since he is the only dad she has had.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2003 at 11:09PM
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You are all lucky all I get for support of my son is a big whooping $80/month and when you consider that is Canadian dollars I dont get much at all.


    Bookmark   January 7, 2003 at 11:53AM
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when it all first started my ex and i agreed to no child support due to each other (50/50 custody) and that we would both support the child when he was in our care, 2 weeks at a time our child spent with each parent,all major stuff like dr. bills, we would pay 50/50. then i remarried a military man, which ment moving away, i gave dad "primary" custodial parent title (wish i didn't!) i started sending dad stuff in the mail for our child, and sending dad $50 a month (without any court ordering me to do so), stepmom didnt feel this was enough anymore, took me to court in CA. the judge raised the amount by only $7 more a month, so the order now is for $57 a month for my one child with exhusband...they based it off a portion of my new spouses income, because I am a stay at home mom for my two other and last! children with my new spouse. I would love to go back to work, but i also love being able to stay home with my other two children...something that wasnt possible for my first child...both parents had to work to keep roof over our heads!

    Bookmark   January 17, 2003 at 12:15AM
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In Arkansas, CS is based on 25% net income. I think it is $10/wk if the person does not work. I do understand, though. I receive $250/mo for 1 child. We send $110/wk for 1 child. I could raise mine, but do not think it would be right since $250/mo pays at least 1/2 of her expenses. It covers the afterschool care and extra. activities. DH's ex does not see things that way. She gets hers raised every 3 years, which is the limit. SS gets hand me down and used clothes most of the time. However, she did buy him his first winter coat from her this year. We were shocked!! She does not use daycare and because CS does not count in the calculation, her wages qualify her to receive free lunches for him at school. Her parents own the trailer they live in and ask for $50/mo rent. We have not quite figured out what the $110/wk pays for. We pay insurance and 1/2 expenses not covered. At least she quit driving to our house and asking for gas money....

    Bookmark   January 23, 2003 at 6:05PM
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There are a lot strange posts in here. I'm not sure I understand the tone really. Why is it that so many women feel that they don't need to pull their own weight in this world? I have 50% custody of my 2 girls and STILL have to pay $1,150 per month! (plus insurance and insurance for my X). Why is it that so many women are unwilling to get off their ass and work as hard as necessary to pay their own way. It's disgusting to hear so many stories about people who think it's OK to drive their X into financial ruin with outrageous child support fees. The laws on the books today were written to protect women in the 50's - the law is the slowest thing in our society to change. Women in the 50's needed support because they were mostly stay at home moms and needed time to get on their feet. Today however both parents work in almost every family I know. We all work because we all have to to survive. My X works part time at a low paying job and has turned down positions that pay over $35K yr. And I work at a job that pay well but that I am not happy in just because I feel responsible to provide my children with health insurance and as many basics as I can. But I can barely keep my head above water when I'm 35% of my net income to her.... so she can remodel her kitchen, by a new car and go to NYC to buy clothes. I am not nor have I ever been abusive in any way, She left me because she wanted to date other guys. And now she's stealing money in the name of "child-support" from me - creating financial hardship for me and my children. So it gets to me when I hear lame conversations here about women who want to know if they are getting enough child support. Isn't the real question whether YOU are doing everything YOU can do to support YOUR children? Come on... Are you an adult yet? Why can't you support yourself? Why do most guys do it - but women more often than not don't seem willing to work that hard? Not that I don't believe they can but why don't they? Surely women are just as capable right? Surely they have the same rights as men. Why do so many women feel like it's someone else's job to take care of them? Is it that they see any man they have a relationship with as their father somehow? I honestly don't get it. there are many great fathers in this country who are being ripping off by mother who aren't adult enough to pull their own weight. Fair custody payments are a must - I agree 100%. But if a women is capable of working - she should be forced to get her ass out into the workforce like the rest of us. I have my kids half the time and manage to work 48 hrs a week. I spend every minute I can with them being the best father I can be, just like the majority of fathers out there. When are the courts going to move out of the 50's and start recognizing that all human beings have equal rights.... and responsibilities. Our children deserve role models who support themselves who work hard and who earn everything they have - don't they?

    Bookmark   January 23, 2008 at 9:36PM
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Wow Mike,

That's an old thread but I started reading it before I realized how old it is. I'm sure not many of those women/posters are still on here.

But I can see where you are coming from. I think it's outrageous when two equally capable parents share custody 50/50 and one has to pay the other ANY support. (Now, if you make significantly more, then your kids deserve to have the benefit of that with the other parent too) but not when they are sitting on their butts doing nothing.

I raised three children and never received any regular support for them. The oldest was entitled to $196, the middle one was awarded $310 and the youngest one was supposed to get $72 a month. (different father's) I worked and supported them (often more than one job) by myself. They had no visitation, except the oldest. They are grown now and I'm owed over $200K between all three. I'll never see it.

I married my husband a year and half ago. He has an 8 year old. His ex won't work. They had 50/50 and his order was for $286 a month. She's capable of earning just as much as he does. She's gone to school & certified as an EMT but won't work as one. I know $286 isn't much but when you are already paying for half of everything and providing a room, clothing, food, and everything else a child needs, it's crazy to pay a lazy mom that chooses to live with her mom and isn't even paying rent or buying groceries. (she was hoping to get a large amount like she did with her older daughter, she collects $1200 from him.) and before anyone says that's not a lot, it is when you don't have any living expenses and someone else is supporting you and your kids. That is just party money. Oh yeah, she met up with a new BF a few months ago and left her kids but still collects the support for the older one. Grandma is raising/supporting her. We have the younger one (my Stepdaughter) and now that we have full physical custody, she pays us NOTHING. Doesn't seem right...

So Mike, not all women are like that but the ones that ARE, I agree, they are modeling to their children how to be lazy, unmotivated, leaches with no work ethics.

    Bookmark   January 23, 2008 at 10:18PM
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When my DH had joint custody of his two boys he had to pay her 94 a month and he did(even though we had them the majority of the time) Now that we have full custody she is supposed to pay us 144 a month for two kids plus half of their medical...

Since that court order three years ago we've received a total of 15 dollars..gotta love it.

    Bookmark   January 25, 2008 at 3:46PM
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My ex and I share full joint custody of now just our daughter as the boys are grown. Four months at my house, four months at his house with alternating weekends. It's worked out well for the past 8 years. Neither of us pay each other support. New DH has kept the kids on his health insurance and they have had dental and vision from new dh and me. Ex pays nothing. He was supposed to pay for private high school for DS 2 but I have found out recently the bill is still not paid and DS can still not get his diploma. I have paid for hearing aids, orthodontics, co payments and deductibles for all of them. He did pay after much protest for DD to go on a band trip next month though. I know that all three kids know who's the one who makes sure they have what they need.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2008 at 8:26PM
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Anyone know how much i will get for child support 4 children. He makes approx. 97,000.... thanks for any info. on this.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2008 at 2:49PM
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It depends on how much time he spends with his kids and in most states (not all), it also depends on what your income is. Google 'child support calculator' and include your state as each state has it's own guidelines. It will give you a ballpark amount but only a court or child support agency can tell you the exact amount after all information is provided.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2008 at 2:57PM
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it depends on your state, both incomes, and proportionate share value, and of course ages of children. I can tell you I get $400 for my 13 yr old, $450 for my 8yr old and we pay $465 on the 9 yr old.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2008 at 3:13PM
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There are so many variables, but I can tell you my fiance makes just a bit less and has two children (5 and 7). He pays about 1400/month plus half of insurance, day care, and other variable costs.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2008 at 10:42AM
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"We all work because we all have to to survive. My X works part time at a low paying job and has turned down positions that pay over $35K yr. And I work at a job that pay well but that I am not happy in just because I feel responsible to provide my children with health insurance and as many basics as I can."

Your exwife sounds like my exhusband. He pays $800/month for one child age 6 (his decision, not the court's, and I agreed to it and am not complaining!) He has never been late and does not complain.

BUT... he works low-paying jobs, complains that he can't find work anywhere on the continental US (hahahahahahha) and says he might have to sell our old house (I was bought out in the divorce). It's ridiculous. He says stuff like "well, I have to work". Really? Because I'm just sitting on my arse eating bon-bons. He is a control freak and in management just cannot build a team for anything. I told him I worked for nearly two years at a job I hated because I had to provide for my daughter. He refuses to work "below his station". How does he do it? Well, mommy and daddy are super rich, so they support their darling son. The first thing they said when we got a divorce was "freeze the assets!" chuckle. I didn't want anything except my daughter, and I got her, so the joke's on them. Valuables. What is more valuable?

He was supposed to pay for insurance 100% and we were supposed to split education expenses/medical expenses, etc. I had insurance through work, so DD was on my insurance and he paid 100% of school. It pretty much evened out.

Plus, he pays for her to fly back to his house twice a year and continues the child support while she is there for the summer 3 months.

But he is a basically good father, just completely spoiled rotten. He had the nerve to tell me after the divorce that I took a picture that he wanted. BFD. I left everything, my furniture, appliances, gardening equipment, recreational equipment etc... I took my personal stuff (clothes, etc) and a few pictures.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2008 at 12:36PM
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Hey Sammie@nospam, Let's see...The average cost to raise a child to the age of 18 comes out to about 15000.00 a year. Also, Christine pays with her time which has no price tag. I am a dad and I empathize with the C.S. paying dads out there. However, the dad needs to be a man and pay for his children to reach adulthood!!

    Bookmark   June 3, 2009 at 12:25PM
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I can't possibly cost that much to raise a child. Most people I know only make around $30 to $40,000. a year. They have 2 or 3 kids, there would be no money left to pay rent or mortgage payments. I have been reading figures like since I raised my kids and it's not based on reality. We manage to buy a new home, a good car and raise my 2 sons on far less than the statistics call for, even back then.

    Bookmark   June 3, 2009 at 5:45PM
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Child support is supposed to take into account the parents income (in all states, the NCP, in some both bioparents) and is meant to allow the child the life style commisserate with parents. Ima had a good suggestion, go google you state and CS and you'll find calculateors.

    Bookmark   June 3, 2009 at 7:21PM
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stargazzer, I'm sure the 15,000 takes into account a portion of housing, utilities, food, clothing, transportation, etc. in raising a child. The more children, usually the larger the house, the more utilities used, etc. $15,000 a year is probably an average to raise kids, obviously in some areas it's more, in others much less. lol, my SD's mom is ordered to pay $216 a month and that's a whopping $2,592 a year. I guarantee we spend much more than that in added living expenses, clothes, school stuff, etc. It doesn't seem quite fair when you think about a CP that has all the responsibility of raising the child, and because they work and make more money, they also have to pay a larger percentage of the child's living expenses. (and the NCP refuses to work for more than part time minimum wage/pays minimum support and gets to sleep in & be Disneyland parent.)

    Bookmark   June 3, 2009 at 9:36PM
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The above is a calculator for Support. It has proved to be pretty close in my case. You can also go to your state goverment website and get the same kinda information.

I get 866 a month for 3 kids, DH pays 174 a week for 2. That will stop soon when CPS sends us the kids. I guess she will get to pay us for a while. I wonder what that would be?? Mostly ours is a wash because he pays out almost as much as I get.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 8:52AM
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"Mostly ours is a wash because he pays out almost as much as I get"

I dont know how to interpret that. I see conflict between eveyone in house being the same, and CS should be for benefit of the child.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 9:05AM
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"I dont know how to interpret that. I see conflict between eveyone in house being the same, and CS should be for benefit of the child."

Let me help interpret.. and I hope I get this close.

Nike gets 866 for her 3 kids, based on her and ex's income/timeshare.

Her DH pays 174 a week: around 700 a month based on his and his ex's income/timeshare.

So, in reality their household is taking in very little more than goes out. If they share living expenses... as most families do... income and outgoing support affects the whole household. Her kids benefit if they have a stepdad that works and pays part of the living expenses... even if nike were to take her support and send it to her DH's kids. If her DH was not working and she was using her support to support his kids, then no they are not benefiting and that would be wrong.

Even though stepparent income is not usually used to calculate support, there is no denying that when there is a step parent in the home that contributes financially... the kids have additional benefit when the parent has that help with living expenses that they would not otherwise have if they were a single parent with sole responsibility for living expenses.

(for example, if kkny lives alone now and pays all the living expenses.. presumably there is less money to spend on her DD than if she lived with a new spouse that pays half the mortgage and bills. If that were the case, it would free up some of her money to spend on her DD. That's just a theory... and I mention kkny only because I believe she says she does not get child support so we can 'pretend' she does and uses the child support to pay her 'make believe husbands' child support and it's a wash, but she still has her income from her job. and I want her to understand how a child can still benefit if that's what is done.)

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 9:31AM
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That was a very good explanation, Ima.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 11:06AM
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I think the devil is in the details -- as to how sharing. If Nike earns more than her current DH, I see an issue.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 11:24AM
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kkny, what would be the issue you see? If nike makes more than her DH, how would that be worse for her kids? I don't see how it hurts the kids when one makes more than the other when they all live in the same house so they share the same standard.

I'd see a problem if the standard goes down if the new spouse does not work... and even more so if they bring kids and the high earner parent is supporting more people on it. Everyone should pull their own weight... and if you have kids, you cannot bring them into a situation where you expect your spouse (not their parent) to support them while you do nothing. That would not be fair to anyone, except the person not working maybe.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 12:26PM
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Ima, the issue is whether the CS is being shared. It should only be for the benefit of the children it is intended for. I do not see how you differentiate between new parent not working and new parent not earning much, especially when as in Nike's case, her DH will be bringing kids into the pot. My solution for those cases would be for everyone to live togethor at lowest income level and put excess CS into collee fund. This will result in some kids having college funds greater than others, but I don't see any other solutions.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 12:32PM
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KKNY, can I ask you if you are in a relationship now? Or have you been re-married since your DH left you? Do you now, or have you ever had Skids?

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 12:54PM
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No, no, no and I also never been a member of the communist party.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 1:09PM
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The states are split. Some states have set up flat percentages, not inclusive of extras. Others have a more complicated formula that takes into account both parents' incomes. Personally, I do not like the later because essentially, it allows the non-custodial parent to shirk their financial responsibilities in cases where the custodial parent makes much more and gives complaining noncustodial parents no incentive to increase their income.

For example, in my case, ex has been paying $320 for one child for almost 8 years and it decreases in months when DD visits as I have to split transportation costs with him. He never sends extra and doesn't even pay on time because he figures that I make enough to take care of DD financially. He also does not care to really drastically improve his income because then he would have to pay more CS and he doesn't want to do that. If he were in a state that required a flat percentage, best believe he would use the many degrees he has to make a good six-figure salary. In the meantime, the $320 is pretty much useless to DD. As far as I'm concerned, its unfair. And although he makes more now than he did 8 years ago, the difference in his salary isnt large enough to be worth my time to pursue in court.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 1:10PM
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"My solution for those cases would be for everyone to live togethor at lowest income level and put excess CS into collee fund."

In what fairytale land? Most people don't have 'off the chart' incomes and support is needed for basic living and costs of raising a child. When you consider it's for a portion of the child's housing, utilities, food & clothing... most people don't get such a large amount that there is anything left over for a college fund.

Presumably, when nike's DH brings kids into the home, their mother will pay support for them, which will increase the household income... of course the household expenses will also go up. There should be very little impact to the family as a whole. On the other hand, if she's a BM that won't work or pay her obligation... everyone in nike's family will suffer a little. (but you also have to consider that the household will now have the support her DH is paying that is rerouted into the household pot, which will benefit nike & her kids too.)

Family is supposed to work together. Maybe bitter ex's don't understand that.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 1:16PM
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"I do not like the later because essentially, it allows the non-custodial parent to shirk their financial responsibilities in cases where the custodial parent makes much more and gives complaining noncustodial parents no incentive to increase their income."

Let's not forget, this can go the other way, as well. We live in a state that takes both parents' incomes into consideration. BM doesn't work. The courts imputed 30K/yr for her because that is what she is capable of making. She has some experience in medical transcription/home healthcare. If she stuck with that, she could probably make upwards of 45K/yr. But then the child support she does receive would go down.

I am not arguing that taking both parents' incomes into consideration doesn't cause problems, but please don't say it is only the ones paying child support that can use it to their advantage. So can the ones receiving.

I personally think c/s in 50-50 custody situations is kind of weird in itself....but that is another thread!

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 1:17PM
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Love, I do not think CS in 50/50 is ridiculous. Where one parent makes a lot more, that parent can attempt to "buy" the child's love, etc. Child can have pony at parent A and not much at parent B.

Ima, CS is supposted to be for the benefit of the child. Yes I understand that family is supposed to work togethor, but to say "there should be little impact to family as a whole" - it depends on facts. Havent there been people here that complain that CP is using CS to support family? Is that only an issue if CP is not married? I dont think so.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 1:43PM
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"Child can have pony at parent A and not much at parent B."

If parent B is not working... get a job! Let me ask you kkny, do you think you could 'buy' your child's love? Do you think your ex can 'buy' your child's love? Is parenting a competition? or is about making sure the child is happy, well taken care of and loved?

If my ex bought kiddies a pony while I was struggling on food stamps.... I would probably be saying "thanks, I can't afford a pony and I'm glad my kids have the opportunity to have one anyways." If I was struggling on food stamps and the ex bought a new sports car and we are eating top ramen noodles, then I might have something to say. But to suggest a child's love can be bought??? I'm sure some try but if you are a loving parent that teaches kids to value family, relationships, and love above money... then you should have nothing to worry about. If your example in life is that money is more important, good luck and wish you well when you don't have it anymore or the other guy has more. Children learn what they live.

If NCP is sending support and it's being used to support new SO and their kids.. or bail SO out of jail... or any other 'misuse' that does not benefit kids, then yeah... that is wrong. (didn't you read my post? or just read it how you want to interpret?) I said: "Everyone should pull their own weight... and if you have kids, you cannot bring them into a situation where you expect your spouse (not their parent) to support them while you do nothing. That would not be fair to anyone, except the person not working maybe."

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 4:57PM
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In 50/50 situations (rare as they are) each parent should support the child when in their possession and there should be no child support to either. Money and material possessions won't buy any child's love.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 5:43PM
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"In 50/50 situations (rare as they are)"

I don't think they are that rare.

My Dh has 50-50 custody with his ex.

A friend of mine has two boys, 5 &2, and she and her ex-BF share 50-50 custody.

Our attorney told us that the *trend* these days is leaning towards joint phys. and legal custody.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 6:12PM
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lovehadley - as an attorney , I would have to disagree. Joint legal custody is almost a given. Joint phsyical custody is still pretty rare and I dont see a trend towards suh arrangments, at least not in the parts of the country that I have practiced.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 6:46PM
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Meant to say, SF earns next to nothing.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 6:57PM
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marie, my husband had 50/50 before BM moved away. We sat in a few court hearings while waiting for ours to be heard, and it's much more common than I expected to see. I also saw many father's with custody.

I don't know if it's a 'trend' but I hope it becomes the norm. It's best for kids to have two equally involved parents and the more time a parent spends with their child, the more likely they are to be willing to pay their support and provide for them. I think guys tend to relate paying support with how much they are allowed to see the child while women tend to think it's the man's job to provide financially, even if the mother is non custodial.

and how would I handle a SF that earns nothing while mom earns little and gets CS? The same way if it were the other way around... SF needs to get a job and pull his own weight. If a mom is going to support a loser BF/spouse on her child's support money, she isn't a very good parent. I don't think gender is relevant.

My SD's BM was sitting her lazy ass around with her BF working, paying for everything (including his support of his kids)... of course they have no kids living with them but she was living off child support she was getting for her older daughter while grandma has the expense. Personally, I think the BF was nuts to support her for nearly a year... she should have had to pull her own weight because all of the kids suffered from BM's laziness. BM's kids didn't get support from her (and her other daughter didn't get the support from her dad) and her BF's kids were entitled to guideline support but he only pays an agreed lower amount because his ex works full time. So, it's not really fair that BF is being allowed to pay a lower amount (because his ex is a nice person that wanted to help him out, make it easier for him to get back on his feet after the divorce and didn't want to nail him for guideline support for three kids... so she takes on the primary caregiver and primary financial support, while he moves in his lazy GF to do nothing... and to me, that equates to food out of his kids' mouths because if he can afford to support his GF, he should be paying guideline support first so it lessens the burden on his exW.) But, that's just my silly biased opinion.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 7:33PM
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KKNY, Ima is exactly right. DH and I are married and therefore have a joint bank account. My EX has his check garnished my the state which they in turn direct deposit to OUR account. DH pays his every week out of the same account with a smile on his face because that is what a good dad does. The same accout pays our water lights gas cable. It also is the same account that we bought the boys all new shoes out of and their yearbooks and fieldtrips and what ever else we did over the past year that we have been together. DH makes my whole week check in a day when he is working and while he is layed off his unemployment is STILL more then I make all week. DH goes to lunch with my kids at school. My youngest son sits on his shoulder and says it is the best seat in the house. None of any of the five kids ever do with out money or love.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 11:59AM
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I don't know that many divorced/never married parents with kids.

But offhand, I mentioned my friend and her ex, who share 50-50 custody. DH and his ex-GF share 50-50 custody.

There is a mom at DD's school who I am friendly with, and she has her kids 4 days a week, her ex-DH has them 3 nights. So that's pretty close to 50-50. Certainly more than EOW.

I cannot think of anyone else offhand, but I will say this--I do not know anyone with the EOW deal.

As for my own DD, I have sole physical and legal custody, which I think is pretty unusual these days.

I live in the midwest.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 12:07PM
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I think it gets difficult to do 50/50 when kids get older, unless you live very close to each other. Pre-teens and teens have their own lives, and I think adults ahve to recognzie that. The kids did not ask for divorce.

It seems to me that people here complain when stepchildren's mom uses CS for household expenses if she is single, but not so much if she is married. CS is for the kids, not the pot.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 12:33PM
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" seems to me that people here complain when stepchildren's mom uses CS for household expenses if she is single, but not so much if she is married. CS is for the kids, not the pot."

I get what you are saying, KKNY, and it is true, people have said that before, that CS is not meant to be lived on. If a mom is trying to stretch $600, $700 or even $800/month to LIVE ON, well, no, that is not okay.

I think the difference here is in a situation like nikemama's, the c/s is going into a communal pot, but so is her DH's paycheck, as well as her own. Both those paychecks are used to support the kids, as well.

I think it is a question of what income is like and what the situation is. It sounds like all of nikemama's kids, steps and bios, are all getting their needs (and more) met, so to me--there is no problem.

If nikemama's kids were suffering because their child support money was being used to support the whole family, then that would be a problem. But who knows? It sounds like nikemama's DH might very well contribute MORE to the kids than their child support alone would.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 12:46PM
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Love, I meant it as a general statement, obviously I dont know anyone's monetary situation, that where there is a disparity of income between two parents, especially if both have kids, I think it is the CPs responsiblity to make certin CS is used responsibly. I have no issue with it being used for marginal cost of food/housing required because of child (i.e., two bedrooms instead of one). But just because all of a household's children are having their needs met, does not mean CS is being used responsibly. If some are having needs met ONLY because the CS which is for SOME of the children, that is an issue. I think when people say all one family, we all share, they are ignoring the purpose of CS. That is why I suggested some just be put in a college fund, if that is the only way to have family life pretty much teh same for all kids.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 12:56PM
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kkny, what could be more ridiculous than this: (I will use myself in this example)

I am a mother of three kids. My kids have different fathers. If one father pays $186 a month, the other father does not pay the $72 a month he is ordered to. I make barely enough to pay the living expenses... no money left over for extras.

Under your philosophy, would I spend the child support on the one child it's intended for and tell the other ones, "sorry your dad doesn't pay so you can't have anything extra" or would you deny extra's for all the kids and put the support money in a bank account for the one's college?

Are you kidding?

Let me tell you what I did. (and why)

Once, I found a little over $600 in checks in my mailbox from one father. I didn't get regular support EVER. I took that money (windfall for me at the time) and took ALL my kids on a little vacation to an amusement park.

Child support is meant to provide the NCP's contribution to the cost of raising the child(ren). If I had received it regularly, I might have been able to live in a nicer house, in a nicer neighborhood... and yes, my other kids would have benefited but so would the child it was intended for. But the reality is that I worked, supported and provided for my kids all their lives and any child support I received was 'reimbursement' for stuff I paid in the process of providing for them. I might have provided better if I had received it on a regular basis, but my kids were fed, clothed, and had their needs met... the support when I got it was MINE, not my kids'. When I got a lump payment of support on my son's dad, my son was 19 years old and it was reimbursement for being the sole support for 18 years.

If people can't 'share', then you end up with parents saying "this is MY child's support" and stepparents saying "They're not MY kids, I'm not contributing anything for them" and everyone keeps everything separate... leads to resentment, etc. If a stepdad makes twice the money mom does, but mom gets twice the support dad does... and they contribute to the same cause, to provide a better life for everyone... I don't see why it's a problem.

I'd see it becoming a problem when stepdad has a good job, so they live in a nicer home, and mom says.. that's MY kids money so it's going into a college fund. (Now, if mom makes more money and gets more support, she's already contributing more through her earnings and then extra support could be saved for college/nest egg, etc.) Every case is different of course.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 1:40PM
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Because CS is for the intended children. If mom just mixes it around, what is incentive for dad to pay? He shouldnt have to pay for kids not his.

"If a stepdad makes twice the money mom does, but mom gets twice the support dad does... and they contribute to the same cause, to provide a better life for everyone... I don't see why it's a problem." -- that may not be a problem -- but what about where MOM makes twice what SD does AND gets CS?

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 1:54PM
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ima, I agree with you. I do not understand kkny's way of thinking about child support. Child support is not meant to pay only for the child's specific expenses. It is to assist with the expenses associated with rearing the child. Noncustodial parents get too hung up on whether or not each dollar of child support was spent on the child. What a custodial parent does with the child support so long as the child's needs are being met is none of the noncustodial parent's concern. That is not only my opinion, but the law. There is no accounting requirement with respect to child support. If the custodial parent is getting a signficant amount of money and the child is doing without things they should not, then there is probably a problem. If you look at child support his way, then there won't an issue with child support going into a communal pot in blended families.

In my case, even though ex pays a measly $320 per month, he thinks he has a right to tell me how to spend that money. Sorry, but how I spend it is none of his business. In truth, I use it pay for the loan on our second car. And that's my right. I could use it to go shopping every month if I wanted to. My shopping expenses are family expenses and I can use any money to do so. I don't need to segregate out child support. $320 per month barely covers piano lessons.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 2:04PM
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I never said it was meant for "specific" expenses, and I said it was Ok for it to be a share of food and housing. I never said anything about an accounting requirement, I said the CP has to spend it responsibly --

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 2:12PM
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kkny, are you really a mom? Sometimes based on what you write, I seriously question that.

"If mom just mixes it around, what is incentive for dad to pay? He shouldnt have to pay for kids not his."

If a man thinks like that, then he shouldn't have kids. Its just that simple.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 2:16PM
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Yes, I am really a mom.

Marieal, you think it is OK for CS to be used for other kids in house?

Ima, of course if you fronted money, and then were paid in arears, its yours.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 2:32PM
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kkny, you completely missed the point. You are hung up on a dollar for dollar accounting, which is just nonsense. If I had 3 children by different fathers, which I dont, and received only the $320 for child support from one ex, I would put that $320 to the total amount available for our entire family. If that means that some of that $320 is being enjoyed by other children in the home, then so what? Like I said previously, all noncustodial parents should stop worrying about how each dollar of their CS is being spent so long as the child is being well taken care of. Its really that simple. I have no respect for any noncustodial parent, father (usually) or mother, who is so hung up on how the custodial parent spends CS when the child is properly cared for. Judges love when fathers bring up such arguments in court. Trust me when I say it goes over really well (note sarcasm).

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 2:44PM
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I never said dollar for dollar accounting, I dont know why you keep throwing that at me, and trust me, as a 24/7/365 CP of a teen, I know how expensive they are. Maybe judges are upset at some dads for complaining where does there $320 go, when the judge knows how expensive kids are.

The next time someone here complains her DH is paying CS and mom is using it for gods know what, you should tell her not your conern.

CS is meant for the child.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 3:07PM
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I was always under the mind set that CS was to insure that the children lived as good as they would if their parents never divorced. That I am sure isn't the case for many. When I divorced I started renting a little smaller house then our old house but on the same street, not a huge change. When DH and I married we moved into this one and the kids all agree it is the biggest house we have ever lived in. The kids life is much better then they have ever had. We live in a very small town and my oldest is old enough to realize that he has it much better then most of his peers. We didn't buy him a BMW when he turned 16 but he has been allowed to pratice in my van and DH's Ranger. DH and I are both 3 and 4 years out of divorce so we are still repairing credit and looking to buy our first house together. If we kept money His, Mine and theirs lots of things would be different and getting all of us to be better place would take much longer. DH's kids rooms that they only sleep in twice a month would have flat screens plasma TV's and they would eat STEAK and SHRIMP when they come. Mine would have yard sale TV's with RABBIT EARS and Chicken Nuggets and Tater TOTS. The way it is we all share the good and the bad and are more in the good then bad. Everyone is free to love and respect each other without feeling they got the short end of the stick. When School started last year we took all 5 kids to the mall and they were all allowed to pick out any shoe they wanted. They all left happy and with what they wanted. I can remember as a girl going to the mall and watching my SB get new things and I had to do without. I don't want ANY of our kids to ever feel that way. The SKids rooms at BM is very simular to their rooms at our house. My kids room at BD is shared with Ex's GF's son. They hate it but Ex moved into the home she already had so be it. The way I see it nobody is suffering for on account of money because of the divorce. The future looks bright for all the kids and at some point DH and I will have a nice home that the kids will all be part of. Money is just money and right now we are doing the best we can with what we have. As for the future, all the kids will be left in good shape.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 3:26PM
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My BF pays a total of $4000/Mo ($3000 of that is alimony) plus 76% of all doctor bills (that are not paid by insurance that he also provides)dance, ball, tennis. He wants his kids well provided for and does not want thier quality of life to change just because he is not living in the same house with them anymore. Their mother works at the church and makes under 30K a year. But she does a trustfund for when the alimony runs out.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2009 at 5:57PM
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My husband pays $800/month for his daughter who lives with his ex-wife. She is a special needs kid. My in-laws buy all SD's clothes. She doesn't eat much due to her disabilities, and what she does eat is cheap. I'm not sure what the money is going toward, other than the mortgage, which is fine, as we know SD needs a place to live.

My 13-year old step-son lives with us full time. My husband's ex-wife pays us nothing for him.

Itt rankles me somewhat that we pay for SD, yet cover ALL expenses for step-son. But that was the arrangement when we married, so I keep my lips zipped. ;)

    Bookmark   June 6, 2009 at 9:25PM
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It's possible that the support is because she's special needs. Usually when there are two children and each parent has one, the calculation would reflect that and if dad's income is much more than mom's, plus the special needs taken into consideration, that's likely why he pays that much. The courts don't usually take into consideration, gifts from relatives, etc. so when there is a grandparent paying for things, those are gifts that are not counted in calculating support.... because they can not be counted on and are not an obligation of the grandparent. Also, if the daughter is younger than her brother, when the brother becomes emancipated, it's possible (maybe even likely) the support for the younger child to be increased.

    Bookmark   June 6, 2009 at 10:11PM
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I have an 15 year son. His dad pays a total of 50.00 per week. It use to be 75.00 per week until he got married. I have never been to courrt this is just all agreed upon. He never buys him any clothes, school supplies, or health insurance. I just hate the thought of goiong to court and all the drama. We live in Georgia and they would probably say at least you are getting that. Not sure. We could really use extra money for his clothes and sports. It takes all that I make working three jobs and paying all the bills. We don't live above our means either. Your opinion.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 2:54PM
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I get $400/month for my son. I used to get any where from $500 to $1,500/month for my two older children.

My husband has paid as much as $2,500/month plus 100% of all out of pocket medical expenses for two children, and currently we are fighting for $1,400/month for two children or $1,000/month for one child. The oldest child has turned 18 and child support should stop because she has basically dropped out of school.

Child support is a percentage based on income and the number of children involved. Some states use the non-custodial parents income and other states combine the two incomes.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 9:19PM
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In Tx the non custodial's spouses income is not considered. Only the non custodial's income after taxes (net income) and it's 20% for the first child and 25% for 2. More children gets more complicated.

Currently I receive $500 bimonthly which is why I am able to put some away each month. I pay for DDs after school care and extra curricular activities -- I set aside $50/month into a medical fund -- it's a savings account but I have it 'nicknamed' medical -- and I put away $150 a month into a savings account for whatever. A car eventually, college... I can only do this because I receive so much and we dont really 'live' off of the entire amount. I could probably drive a nicer car or live in a nicer house but this income is not gauranteed if BD is ever laid off or takes a lower paying job... I have not always gotten that much so I try to take that increase that I received and put it aside.

BD is also to pay for health insurance 100% and 1/2 of medical bills. He had yet to ever submit payment to me for any out of pocket expenses that I have paid to medical and he doesn't always keep DD on insurance. He refuses to put her on his employers health insurance because it's 'too expensive' so he has a private policy for her that is inexpensive for him but extremely expensive for me out of pocket. So I have DD on my health insurance at work and I just file both. Twice I have tried to use his insurance and it was denied because it had been cancelled -- as soon as I tell him it was denied, he says, oh I have a new policy but did he ever think to 'inform' me of the change?? No! So I have to make sure she is atleast covered under me.

The reason for the medical savings is with our out of pocket being so much, I have often been caught with needing to pay the deductible and we don't have it ... So this is just a safety net in case something happens. When DD is older and going off to college, if that money isnt ever used or is just sitting accruing interest, it will help with college or whatever.

DD will never go without so if something ever changes -- then I would reevaluate what I am doing with the money. I know I am very lucky to get what I do get. But it really doesn't cover everything for a child. No way could I live off of it without my own income or DHs. I was only receiving $300 bimonthly when DD was in full day childcare and that didn't even pay all of monthly tuition. It got easier when she started school.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 9:50PM
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Hi Mike,

I agree with you. I have been on both sides of this and it is disgusting how these courts rape men financially and it isn't right. I did not want to do this to my ex, I wanted him to get on with his life and peace for my children. My husbands ex on the other hand sits on her ass and always has her hand out. Despite a good income we are living almost at the poverty line, the kids are mess, she moved away and they lost their father, and she won't spend a dime on the kids (even when she was getting $2,500/month). BOTH parents are supposed to contribute and the custodial parent SHOULD pay for the lion's share. THEY have custody and are making all the decisions. My husband doesn't even get to see his kids and they are now complete strangers to him,thanks to his ex-wife. So much for fostering a relationship with both parents. My husband is nothing more than a paycheck to them, they act like they should be supported 100% by him, and that is ridiculous.

    Bookmark   March 18, 2011 at 12:44AM
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Wow Chicago ... I would rather say the courts rape the non custodial parent. Men vs Women is so 1980's ... More men have custody these days than ever before.

And I don't think they 'rape' anyone $2500/month? And poverty for the no. Custodial. I wonder what is his income is that makes his support so high? I wouldn't have to work if I got that much... Lol

    Bookmark   March 18, 2011 at 7:58PM
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myfampg: I am not sure what you are talking about 'men vs women is so 1980's'. Just stating the facts. My husband did make about $150,000 until he got laid off because of her harassment. And on that income, plus mine we have lived on the poverty line for over 8 years, while she had over 1/2 his income, her income, and her live-in's income. Let me lay it out for you.

At the time of the divorce husband had no savings because ex spent it all. In addition to spending it all she also spent over $150,000 in his 401K. He had no savings, no home equity, only $1,000 debt service to pay back from ex-wife's spending. Ex-wife got over $200,000 in his 401K at the time of the divorce, which meant he got nothing, due the the remainder he was paying back in a loan. She left him with no money but gave him custody. He did this because he is a nice guy, she said she was going to use it to go to nursing school. He wanted her to be able to start over. Needless to say, she traveled, spent the money in less than 18 months, and never went to nursing school.

Six months later she fights him for custody. She ends up with kids and $2,500/month child support ($30,000/year), plus he pays all out of pocket medical and other expenses for the children. My husband nets $58,000 ($50,000 taxes/ins, $30,000 cs, and $12,000 debt service from marriage-for 10 years). On top of this the court makes him pay almost all the GAL fees ($25,000) and her attorneys fees ($20,000). Spread over 10 years this is $4,500/year. She also spend over $40,000 in counseling services in less than 18 months. Not to mention we have been in almost constant litigation with her for 10 years and there have been many more additional costs assessed to him. So this is how one lives below the poverty line on $150,000/year. My husband works 60 hours a week, so it isn't like he could get a second job. She works 30 hours a week and refuses to work any more. We were fortunate to have $3,000 to scrape together to pay all our bills. This is not right. This is defrauding someone of their wages. She has been getting a total of over 70% of his income for 10 YEARS.

    Bookmark   March 20, 2011 at 10:20PM
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I was saying gender vs. Gender. It's more custodial vs non custodial these days. I don't know a lot of men that pay child support anymore. I know more men who receive support. That is all I am saying. Times have changed -- where women used to get custody based on the belief that children belong with their mother's now the belief is the child belongs with the parent that is in the child's best interest regardless of gender.

I think your husband is definitly paying too much in support and I do believe that there has to be something underlying that would cause his ex to get so much of his 401k and savings, etc. I got none of that. Couldn't even touch it. Couldn't touch the house either, and my ex had never been ordered to pay a dime of my attorneys fees even when he took me to court and then didn't have an attorney himself. So it's either the state, and/or the judge. Its definitly not fair what your husband pays but maybe he should get a new attorney. How did he lose custody in her battle after giving custody to him?

    Bookmark   March 21, 2011 at 7:26PM
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She told lies behind his back (to this day we don't even know all of them), she got the children to tell lies, and we had femi-nazi, activist judges, lawyers, and GAL looking to punish my husband.

Some of the lies she told (and got the girls to tell) were false accusations of visitation denial and false accusations of abuse. I think she also told them that he was having an affair with me and that is why the marriage broke up (when she was the one having an affair, not my husband).

Things seem to be straightening out a little bit. We have a more reasonable judge who seems to be seeing through her antics. My husband lost his job (which is making people less interesting in making trouble).

Even though she got everything, she is a train wreck and the kids are a train wreck. Every horrible thing she has done is coming back to bite her in the butt.

    Bookmark   March 22, 2011 at 11:01AM
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I never want to take my sons father to court, but I feel as though it is heading there. I live in NJ right across the bridge in Philly. His father does not drive so I drop off and pick up. He is very involved & a loving father. Our son is almost 6 months old. Our son is on goats milk, which he pays for & is about 50 dollars a week. Soon, he will be buying less milk since our son is eating more food, obviously. He started off by giving me 60 dollars a week. With goats milk we have to supplement his vitamins ( Vitamin C (17.00) which he pays for) He dropped the support to 50 since the vitamins are pricey. Then he found a cheaper multi vitamin but for some reason now he only gives me 40 dollars a week. I am not working but looking for work now. He told me he doesn't want me to work but I need money to provide. With gas, tolls, clothes, diapers, wipes, etc. He has it in his brain that since he has the essentials at his place that he doesn't need to provide them here, where I live with my parents. Please any advice will help. I'm 23 yrs old and just so bothered by this.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2011 at 9:59AM
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Jecca, you need to get a court ordered plan in place. Child Support, visitation schedule ect. Support should be based on income, custody arrangement ect. If amount of what Daddy WANTS to pay was left entirely up to the noncustodial parent, unfortunately many children would be getting little or nothing.

It's in the child and the adults best interest to have a review and then court order in place. There will be many things coming up that the child will need and items will change from diapers, milk and vitamins to roofs over their head, health insurance, schooling, clothing blah blah blah...don't think of it as 'I dont want to take him to court', it's a given that these issues need resolved in a legal manner. Think of it as a necessary natural part of what parents must do to secure the well being of their child and to protect both parents rights. Even if you both work out what you both think is currently fair, remember things change and people are human...get the 'agreement' in a legally binding form and recorded.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2011 at 11:21AM
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What am I not getting about Jecca's situation? Biodad pays 40 bucks a week and he is requesting her NOT to work? Even if she is living with mommy and daddy....this is an insane request.

After reading thru a lot of the posts in this [old] thread....I am soooooo grateful that despite my ex's cheating ways, she has a good work ethic and has a great job and, and with the fact that I insisted upon 50/50 legal AND physical custody, I don't give her a penny for CS. I did for a while (1,500 a month...even with 50% custody), while I was still making significantly more than her, but then after about three years when were finally getting around to finishing the divorce paperwork, her salary had caught up to where she was only making about 20K less than me (originally it was 50K+ less than me), we just agreed upon a one-time buyout and that was it.

If I had to still pay 1,500 a month to her, no way would I have been able to buy a house so soon after divorcing....I'd be in renters hell for years....ugh!

I was amazed, though, when we went through the mediation process, there were no clear guidelines for CS when the couples agree to 50/50 custody (i.e. meaning there is no "custodial parent")....we were forced to just work out a number ourselves...that was very frustrating. I had no problem paying some money to her, even though I had 50% physical custody, since I made more than her and did want to to be able to keep the house, which she got in the divorce...but the fact that our state (NY) doesn't even have a set provision for how to calculate it is ridiculous?

Is it really that rare for parents to agree to true 50/50 custody? How is this not the most common / desired arrangement? I would think the courts should push for this whenever possible.....

    Bookmark   December 14, 2011 at 12:53PM
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hi . i need help wondering how much my dad needs to pay for child support. my mom and dad are divorced (not legally but its a long story) but my dad has like realle never been around when i was little . im fourteen now and my dad only payed child support for me for only a few months when i was THREE. and i have a little brother who is six going on seven and he doesnt pay for neither of us. my moms taking him to court on july 30 but i want to know how much he owes both of us. (hes an electrician and makes about $50,000 a year )

    Bookmark   July 4, 2012 at 2:53AM
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kitkat, it will all depend on your state's laws, mom, dad, the courts and whether or not there was ever a court order for child support prior to now. I'm sure your mother has a lawyer representing her so it's likely nothing you yourself need to worry over.

Child support, depending on your state's laws, would have been something your mother would have had to petition the courts for an order. It is possible if there never was a legal order that there is no arrears and a new order won't be retroactive (beyond the current petition date). If there was a long standing order of support and it was not followed then perhaps your father would have to make payments towards any arrears in addition to any admendments made to his current ordered support. Amounts would be based on the details of the past history, your father's current salary, possible so too your mother's income and a bunch of other assorted facts that will all be taken into consideration by the courts.

You'll have to leave the details to your parents and the courts. Hopefully a court will order at least support based on the current petition which would then be due your mother to assist in supporting you and your brother and would (according to what may be in the order) run until you reach age 18.

It's best you leave the worrying/wondering to the grown-ups and the court...they'll figure it out.

    Bookmark   July 4, 2012 at 10:18AM
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Hi everybody :)

I have a question and I hope some kind person out there can help me. I am so glad I found this blogg because I have not been able to find anybody to help me. I am from Denmark and I used to be married to a man from America. We have a daughter together and she is now 13. We were married for 10 years and got divorced in 2009, was seperated 2007 and that is when I moved back to Denmark with our daughter. I filed for divorce in 2008 and the reason it took so long for the divorce to be final was because he wouldnt reply to any of the Danish court letters which was sent to him in the US and he was basically a no-show. My daughter has been living with me here in Denmark since our seperation since my ex was a no-show for so many years, the court granted me the full custody when the divorce was final. I filed for divorce here in Denmark. Anyways, he was absent from our daughters life, and would only call maybe once or twice a year to talk to her. And most often she wouldn�t want to talk and I would have to "force" her to take the phone from my hand. She only had bad memories from her childhood with her father. He had alot of drinking problems and he hardly ever wanted to spend any time with our daughter when we were living togheter and while she was growing up.
He has remarried and takes care of his wifes son as his own and perhaps that has made him realise that he too has a biological child because last year he filed for shared custody and he couldnt get it because he lives in a nother country but he did get visitation rights twice a year. Every since the divorce was final, he has paid 176 dollars per month in childsupport and that is it. No medical (cause that is free for children under the age of 18 here in Denmark), no vacation, no gifts, no activities cost, no nothing. Just the 176 dollars per month. He is asked to pay that amount only because that is the standard amount here in Denmark. It is not like in the US where it is based on the income. I have several questions:
I have heard that I can get him to pay more because he makes so much money.

1. How do I do that? I have sent numerous emails to lawyers in the US but have not gotten any reply from any one of them about helping me.

2. My ex.h. is now an administrator as a private nursinghome and he makes way more now than he used to and recently even got promoted, and his wife is a nurse and she receives childsupport from her ex. What is the procentage of his income that he has to pay in childsupport according to the US laws?

3. When he got granted for visitation rights twice a year, he had "done his homework right" so he knew that in the law here in Denmark, the childs both parents share the travelcosts so I have to pay for half of her traveling expences to the US. The tickets are around 1200 US dollars and that is almost as much as he pays for her in childsupport a year. So as you can see, we (my daughter and I) are the ones that gets punnished here. And that times two trips per year, is like I am paying him to see his daughter. What can I do here?

4. How can I find a good lawyer who will be willing to help me for not that much of money?

5. How much does a lawyer in the US take for an international case like this?

6. We were married for 10 years and he was the main provider in our home. Now I have a very low income-job and can barely make it as it is. Is he obligated to pay any supausal support to me? (There no law here in Denmark for supausal support) But what about the fact that we lived in the US during our marriage?

7. I have heard that if he has to pay more in child support then he is also ablied to pay in back pay for the years which he was paying too little. Is that true?

8. I have so many more questions but I think I�ve written alot already :)

Please please please someone in the US help me!!!

Kind regards,
A desparete mother of a teenager :)

    Bookmark   August 5, 2012 at 10:43PM
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I thought that since my state has a cost of living around 100% of national ave. I should post what it costs to raise my eight year old. If the ave bedroom costs $10,000(added to the home value) and $5,000 for an additional bathroom, then with ave int. and taxes, you should add $80/mon for a place for the child to live. Not unreasonable for another bedroom in a rental as well. Then $200 for food. $35-70 for clothing. $50 is a reasonable est for gas and maint on a car to get them to and from school, child care, friends, activities. I did the math. I am "shrewed" as one person put it. $80 is my exact est for misc. expenses. $10-45 for school what-not. When I do this much-this much, I am considering all ages and actual expenses posted by the schools and the stores that sell supplies. $45 for utilities, based on how much they go up when the step-daughter visits. I think I got it all. Health ins. and child care is always added on after.. as are presents. So my son costs $475(I estimated high to appease ya'll). But then subtract the child tax credit, the deduction for the dependant, and you get about $150 knocked off by uncle Sam. That does not include any earned income credit. So he costs $325. His dad should only pay $163 in CS. But according to the state of Co, he's guideline support is $326 based off $36,000 a year, with another child he is paying for at $486/mon(ordered). Ridiculous. His $486 for his daughter was ordered when he was making less than $2000/mon with our two old and our then 2 yr/olds child care expenses ignored. Then she would threaten to increase it every 6 mons for little nonsense, like him paying half a $20 med expense late. She would threaten an increase with attorney fees over a measly $10 being late. Family court is BS. That $486 was only $23 health ins premiums added and no child care added to make it that high.

    Bookmark   October 29, 2012 at 11:16PM
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Well Sub, you just take your figures to the court, tell the judge he/she is full of BS and see how your husband comes out. While you're there, explain to the judge why 'the measly $10' is being paid late in the first place.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 9:43AM
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For all you custodial parents with an ex who is Inconsistent with visits and support--- my adult daughter knows who loved and supported her! I NEVER said a bad word about her BF, but she isn't stupid. He wouldn't send regular support, wouldn't show up for scheduled visits, you get the drift. He refused to assist with college. ( don't count on help from the courts, here in MO they were not helpful). She refuses to have anything to do with him-- she is an adult working a good job. So, he's the one who missed out. She knows who loves her!

    Bookmark   October 31, 2012 at 8:05AM
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We pay approximately $1,000/month for 1 child and 75% of all out of pocket medical. In Illinois, it is a percentage based on your salary.

    Bookmark   November 13, 2012 at 6:17PM
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And to marie always: I have been on both sides of the coin and you have to understand that there are incredible abuses going on with custodial mothers and how the CS gets spent. I didn't abuse it and it doesn't sound like you have, and I realize that many men are extremely obnoxious about CS; however, there is a case to be made here. My husbands ex-wife for a period of 5+ years received $2,500/month in CS for 2 children (as well as a a $200k+ settlement - not awarded by the court but by my generous husband) and the children were not be clothed or fed. Shelter was questionable as well. During this time the CM was going on trips and leaving the children behind. They were/are placed on free meal programs at school and are rarely fed breakfast before school. And yes we did pursue custody.

    Bookmark   November 13, 2012 at 6:34PM
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I am a non custodial father of a 9 year old boy and 7 year old girl. I pay 1012.00 a month child support in Texas and make 18.36 an hour currently. It's way too much for me to be able to live comfortably after cs, taxes and all other deductions but I have no clue how to get it lowered. I also drive 2 hours to get them and take them him every other weekend, keep them all summer, by all school supplies and clothes, Halloween costumes, pay for sports and dance, and and responsive for medical and dental. Thus, I'm always broke and work 60 hours a week

    Bookmark   June 27, 2014 at 2:12AM
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My husband pays $1100 for my 5 year old step-son which is pretty fair since we make over $150k a year

    Bookmark   December 30, 2014 at 12:36PM
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My husband pays $1100 for my 5 year old step-son which is pretty fair since we make over $150k a year

    Bookmark   December 30, 2014 at 12:37PM
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I have a question, Child support used to garnish my wages but now I only work 18 hours a week and they have not been taking anything is this because I wont have enough to live off of if they do take the money? Or should I be prepared to receive a zero check in the future? Please Help

    Bookmark   January 21, 2015 at 12:37PM
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