At our wits end w/BM. LoveHadley, this one's for you
First off, let me say, I am new to this forum but so relieved that I have found it, it has brought me some peace and comfort, and lovehadley, you are my hero. It seems that
I may be in a very similar situation as you. Second I would like to say that, WOW, it is so sad that so many children have to live the life of suffering all due to their parents and that so many parents are in similar situations.
I don't know how to define or fix our situation. My husband and I recently got married. I have no children of my own but now have 5 step-kids. We have two girls, 13 and 8 and triplet boys that are 5 years old. We have the perfect life and I couldnt ask for more EXCEPT we have this one little, nagging problem, my husband's ex-wife! Surprise Surprise!
I will try to keep this short. I have never done anything to the BM and have always done my best to love and take care of all 5 kids. I am a product of a divorced family and was always put in the middle of my parents disputes, so I know how it feels the be the kid in the middle. I truly believe that the parents are only hurting their children when they can not act appropriately toward one another, and I have strong convictions about not badmouthing the other parent, no matter what opinions I might have.
BM finds it necessary to continue to tell the children that my husband and I are bad people, drug addicts, alcoholics and other horrible, untrue things. She calls our home and leaves the nastiest of messages, I'm a whore, etc. She does that call 20 times in 5 minute type thing. Our voice mail if full with messages from her. I have text messages, emails and even the children tell us about all the horrible things she says about us. She tells the kids that their dad doesnÂt love them, only her new bf does. The list of nastiness goes on and on but I think you can get the point.
It is court ordered that all communication be via email. We try to do that but she refuses and always has a nasty rebuttal. She refuses because she thinks it's me sending the emails. Also, she refuses me (the step-mom) to be able to call the children. BM tells me and the children that I am nothing to them, never will be and that I don't know how to be a good mother because I don't have any children of my own.
We are at wits end. I don't know what to do. I am NOT the type of person to just roll over and allow someone to speak of me that way. This is not the worst's of the situation either. She is clinically bipolar and court ordered to take medication but does not. She has gotten remarried and divorced again but her divorce isn't even final and now has a new man living in her home. We never know what to expect from her at any given moment. Once when we pick up the kids, she got so mad, for reasons unknown, said, "give me my F*#@'ing kids", and yanked them all out of the truck. The kids of course in tears. Two minutes later she is calling us (as well as my husbands mother) telling us we better come back and pick up the kids, "if he was a any kind of man he would come back and pick them upÂ." Another thing BM does, she gets angry when dad doesn't call the kids ever other day to see how school was but when he does call she takes the phone from the kids and starts in on him. BM is just relentless. Again, this is just one example of the things she does.
My husband and I are at a loss. It doesn't matter what we do, give in to her or stand up to her, it's always the same thing. She is very manipulative and controlling. Before my husband and I got married she was used to being able to have her way with him, as far as calling him everyday, several times a day, just to talk about things that had nothing to do with the kids. Well, when we got together I quickly put a stop to that. He is scared of her. BM has had him arrested for domestic violence. Get this, she got mad, went outside with a 2X4 and beat the tar out of this truck and motorcycle, then called the police and said he was beating her!! He was arrested. She is capable of so many things and he is very scared of her and truth be told I am as well. I have pleaded and pleaded with him to take a stand and set some boundaries. This past weekend he finally stood up to her. Lovehadley, we have the same thing going on where the BM tries to get to us through the SD cell phone. BM will ask her to put her father on the phone, just to speak about nonsense. Well, anyway, this past weekend we had the kids and she tried to do the cell phone control trick and my husband stood up to her and refused to take her call. All she wanted to know is if they would borrow a swimsuit since she was coming to pick them up early to take them to the beach. That is nothing that the oldest daughter (13) couldn't have told us herself. Well, BM got sooo angry. She had the daughter on the phone crying. She told her that we all do drugs and that she was going to take us to court and have the daughter testify that we do drugs. The oldest daughter is clearly hurting from all of this. The boys have sever anger issuesÂI'm sure stemming from the anger their mother expresses toward their father and I.
There are many more "stories" to be told. I do keep record of EVERYTHING. It's just getting old. I just want to know what my husband and I can do to keep our sanity and our marriage. It is not fair that we have to live the life we live because of one unstable person. I hate that we have to talk about my husbands ex-wife every other day or we can't seem to get beyond all this nonsense. We have to worry about what she might do next. We worry about what she is telling the children.
Sorry I didn't keep it short, this was about as short as I can make it.