My stepdaughter is driving me crazy.
My husband has to be tired of hearing this, and I need to blow off steam! I am married to a wonderful older man, I adore him, and we have a gorgeous 4 month old son. The only problem? His 20 year old daughter still lives at home and it is driving a wedge in between us. Here is a little backstory. My husband and I have been together for two years. He babies his daughter unbelievably. She is 20, not in college, and only works 15-20 hours a week at a family business. She is rude to me, and my family. Really, to my husband's family, too. She has never held the baby or even looked at him -- even though he is her little brother! She doesn't have a boyfriend or many friends, and just sits on the couch all day and night. She also doesn't do any housework besides throwing in a load of laundry when she needs something clean.
These are some comments that are typical of her personality:
This was when he and I were first dating, she screamed
from the living room to the kitchen because we were
talking too loud for her to hear the tv.
"Can Jennifer's (thats me) family not drink my Mountain Dew when they are over? I am sick of it."
The thing she doesn't seem to understand is that the
soda is bought by either her father or me.
"I shouldn't have to put up with a baby until I have one."
This was a text message she sent to her father when we
were at the hospital in labor. Most people text
"Why can't Jennifer just wait to take a shower?"
She wants to get the first shower of the day so that
she has the most hot water, but she doesn't wake up
until about noon most days.
When something is upsetting to her, like, say, I am doing laundry and she had planned on putting something in, she expresses her displeasure by slamming cabinets and stomping up stairs.
Her father currently works for the same family business as her, and so she always bombards him with work concerns even though its not really his job to deal with her, he isn't her direct boss. Her biggest complaint is when they ask her to pick up a Saturday shift. She really said: on what planet is it fair for me to work 2 out of 4 Saturdays this month? Its called Earth.
Lately things have come to a head because I am going to be the one who starts working while husband stays home with the baby. Also, his daughter just put her two weeks notice in at work, even though she doesn't have another job yet. I am appalled by this.
I am so upset over living with her that I really feel a strong desire to take the baby and leave my husband. I am a generally outgoing and nice person, and in the beginning I was very nice to her, birthday cakes, Christmas presents, talk to her about her day, etc. I am shocked at my own ability to hate someone so much. I feel such strong animosity toward her that it is making me feel unhealthy.
Anyway, these are the stipulations I want to give my husband... I know that sounds so business-like, but he hasn't done anything about my complaints so far, so I don't know what else to do. If he won't agree to these, then I am leaving. Please tell me if I am being unfair!!!
1. She has to have a 40 a week job by the time she is 21(January). Or start school. Or move in with her mom. Maybe he doesn't mind supporting her, but I do. I refuse to pay her cell phone bill or buy the list of groceries she puts on the fridge that she wants. Even if I wasn't going to be the one working, I would expect him to say this.
2. By the time the baby is crawling and more alert and aware of people, if she is still ignoring him, she has to get out. I will not have my son growing up in a hostile environment.
3. I want him to say, verbatim, this to her: "Jennifer is my wife and is going nowhere. Do not complain about or insult her or her family to me, I don't want to hear it. Unless she is physically or emotionally harming you, keep it to yourself."
4. She needs to do some household chores. Her hair coats the whole house, and I regularly have to get on my hands and knees and vacuum it up with the hose attachment.