deadbeat bio-mom

blinda_2010October 28, 2010

This is my first post- need advice. I have been with a man who has two daughters ages 9 and 13. Their mother left them at ages 2 and 6. They have called me mom since we astablished a relationship a year after meeting their dad. We took our time to introduce the kids into it. They are good girls, love them much and would do anything for them. After disapearing for 3 years,bm kidnapped the girls from an aunts house and took them over state lines filing false papers with DSS stating she had custody and he owed child support. They were gone from school for a week(no call from school), and we had no idea where they were being that she fell off the face of the earth with no contact.Eventually we went to get them after getting information from her sister, but was served with papers for court regarding her lie. It was resolved and proven that he had the girls all that time. Two more years go by no word from her, support, or even a phone call. He saved money to get a lawyer and the case went to mediation where all the plans he and I made went down the drain. He agreed to joint custody with her( i couldn't tell you why)and to this day there is still no phone calls, support, and she doen't even exercise her visits but twice a year. What kind of woman is this. Put us through all of this to still not want a relationship with the girls. I realize hes an idiot for agreeing when she clearly doesn't want to spend time or help take care of them, but weve been together for about 8 years now and I can't imagine what the kids would be doing if i wasn't here. I love them so much. I can't imagine leaving my kids for a moment let alone 5 years. I just wish she would crawl back under the rock she was under so these kids can have a real, stable life. They have never asked about her, even now. They have their own little lives, friends, a great school and home. I am so angry still at him and we just seem to keep going back to his decision he made that was suppose be totally different. I find it kinda hard to give 100% when I know how she operates. She comes and does what she pleases, when its convenient. Not sure where his manly hood is since he can't seem to handle his business on an adult level. Anything can happen at anytime. He is so laxed on the subject.

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Is Dad one of those guys who dislikes confrontation? That might have made him cave in during mediation. I'm of mixed feelings about mediation - I understand the need to not tie up the courts with every silly little disagreement, but I really think it's a very bad idea when one or both of the parents will not behave rationally. The mediators' job is to get the two parties to come to some agreement; their job is not to decide what's best for the kids (at least in our state), so to me it often seems like the less reasonable person gets their way, as they tend to hold fast to their demands.

At any rate. It sounds like BM wants to reserve the right to visit her kids if and when she chooses to do so. Dad may be thinking that she's not around now, so there is no problem with the current status quo and why make waves? You might have some success if you point out to him that if something were to happen to him, you (and he, if he were incapacitated) would have a very difficult time preventing BM from just swooping in and taking away the kids. If you've suggested that to him and he is still inactive, the only suggestion that I have for you is to create your own emergency attorney fund and research to find a very good one - hopefully it will never be necessary but if something were to happen you'd be as prepared as you could be. That is assuming that you have been acting as a parent to them in BM's absence; if not, unfortunately, I don't think you have any chance of getting guardianship if necessary no matter how much you love them.

    Bookmark   October 28, 2010 at 12:56PM
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I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he doesn't like confrontation. I have been actively inb those girls lives doing exactly what mothers are suppose to do so yes If something happened to him I would love to have guardianship. I just think It's sad that a father who claims to care about the wellbeing and stability of his babies makes decisions based on the moment. It kills me everytime they have to go with her.He's so afraid to not send them, now that he realizes his mistake, because he doesn't want to go to jail.What's amazing is she doesn't abide by the court so I'd take that risk if it was my babies Thanks.

    Bookmark   October 28, 2010 at 10:30PM
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