Am I being unreasonable?
I've been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. I'm 27 (but I look 19) and I'm really cute and I'm smart and sweet. Really, I don't mean to be conceited I just want to say that I have a lot going for me.
My boyfriend is 43, divorced with 2 kids (boys 11 and 14).
Already, I only see him 3 or 4 evenings a week, not at weekends because he has the kids.
It is hard to be alone when they are out having fun. And they have a lot of fun! Activities, movies, restaurants, going down to his cottage and waterskiing with his boat etc etc.
Which is great for them and I don't resent it. However, he hasn't taken me out in over a month. He just comes home tired from work and we hang out. Which is nice, but I'm starting to feel a bit neglected. It's especially annoying that he sees all the good movies with his kids - they go to the cinema at least twice a week together.
I have a great job but I am still in debt from my previous relationship (bf stole my money, ran up my credit card $8500 and disappeared without paying rent for 3 months...)
Also, I have to support myself (obviously) paying my rent, phone bill, credit card bills, etc.
That means when he is away with the kids, I don't have the resources to go and have fun. He makes $500k a year, and I just thought it would be nice if he'd give me a little money to go to the cinema myself, or get some sushi or something to make me feel he cares even when he's not there.
Or even order a pizza to my house to be nice - like one time he called and asked me what I was having for dinner, I said soup and all he said was oh I made the boys a great chicken curry...
He has cooked for me a total of once in 5 months of living together.
To put it in perspective, I clean his apartment every day (which he leaves in a mess every single night - I'm talking dishes, beer cans around the place, coffee mugs, glasses with his cigarette butts floating in an inch of sludge, etc. I do his laundry, fold it neatly and put it away. I make sure everything is clean, tidy and always put fresh towels out for his kids. I also do the grocery shopping, pay for those groceries and cook.
To be fair on him I should mention what he has done for me :
- photoshopped some designs for my business a few months ago
- brought me some gifts when he went to Mexico on business for a week at the beginning of our relationship (perfume, a cheap dress, some moisturiser...)
- took me to his cottage twice this summer (one night each trip)
- took me to dinner maybe 8 times? Never made a reservation anywhere nice though, and I don't count a few cheap meals on the fly. And those dates were at the very beginning of our relationship.
- took me to the movies once
- took me out with his friends (mostly to show me off) then kinda stopped inviting me out as much (he likes his guy time)
- took me to another city for one night - but I paid $900 towards that trip, which is a lot more to me than it is to him!
- lent me $2000 that I paid him back a few weeks later. It was only because an international check I got wouldn't clear before my rent was due.
Also, he has an ex wife, and she gets everything she wants.
She got the house with the pool and hot tub and she gets 50% of his salary. She never worked a day and she's 6 years older than him! Fine, not my business.
So three weeks ago she went away on vacation for a week to Cuba and he had to go stay at their old house to babysit the kids, so I didn't get to see him except when he snuck away for a few hours at night for a booty call.
Then just last week she goes off again this time to South Africa for 10 days. She does this trip twice a year, refuses to fly coach and the round trip first-class tickets are $10k each time!
Fine - their business, not mine.
She also had a housekeeper and he kinda almost proudly told me that his wife had never cleaned a bathroom their entire relationship. I think that's kinda rude since I've been cleaning his bathroom and his kids' bathroom for 5 months now.
Anyway - so he invited me over to his old house when the kids were asleep. I asked him if I should eat before I came over, he said no I'll save you some dinner and keep it warm for you.
So I took a cab over to his place as instructed. I kinda expected him to be waiting to pay the cab as most of my exes did, but he didn't. That's fine, I don't expect it but he knows I have very little money at the moment but whatever. I go inside, I cuddle, I ask if I can have my dinner because I'm starving. He says "oh, sorry my boys ate it all". He thought it was funny. Now, I understand that they come first, but honestly - they come first to the point that I don't even get dinner?! Then he said he'd throw a pizza in the oven for me if I'd like. That kinda insulted me since they'd had a take out pizza. I said no. I don't like frozen pizza, it doesn't taste good and they had ordered themselves takeout pizza, so they obviously agree.
I just feel that I do a lot for him and he doesn't appreciate it enough to even save me a slice of pizza!
But I let it go.
In the morning he wanted to sneak me out before the kids woke up. Fair enough - the night before he said he'd get me a cab hme. It's now 8am on a Sunday. So I said - are you calling me a cab? He said, surprised, you want a cab?
I said well how else do I get home from here?
He said well I was going to drop you at the subway. Why don't you go get in the car?
I was a bit hurt. I don't like being dropped at the subway, and I paid a cab to get there the night before... It seemed kinda mean.
But I let that go, and even bought his kid some breakfast for him to take home to him on the way to the subway.
Then, I hadn't seen him all week because he was babysitting, except one day he drove me to my office.
And another day he came over when the kids were asleep for a booty call. I asked him to bring me something to eat from his house because I was at his apartment to meet him, which is in the middle of nowhere, and he said he felt like he was dating a hobo!! OMG He doesn't pay a cent to support me and all I asked for was a sandwich like he makes his kids every day! A hobo?! And he said it twice, as if he was trying to get a reaction. I let it go.
So I didn't feel like sleeping with him, especially since he kept stressing the fact that he had to get back home soon. I'm sorry a 14 year old and a 10 year old who have been put to bed should be absolutely fine alone.
He tried to have sex with me, but I didn't feel like it because he was going to just leave after. He said how about if I promise to stay and cuddle you until you fall asleep? I said I really don't feel like it. To be honest his hobo comment had hurt my feelings. I don't think I ask for much especially given all I do for him.
So he sulked and just left saying something rude about how he'd brought me food and I wasn't being nice.
I felt bad and gave him lots of kisses and told him I missed him but I just wasn't in the mood that night.
Then I texted him on Tuesday to ask if he'd like to go out on Friday, he said no he was with his friends. I was a bit hurt but I said ok have fun. Then he texted "And Saturday I'm watching a game with my buddies and Sunday I have football tickets".
So even though his wife gets back on Sunday, he's chosen to go to a football game rather than take me out, or even just spend an evening with me.
On top of it, we're going away for a week (cheap vacation, I paid half) week after next. We leave on the Monday, so he will spend next weekend with his kids. So that means I will see him maybe 3 evenings before we go away after really not having seen him for 10 days... And then go spend a week with him on vacation - where I know he'll just want to have sex all the time. It's not that I don't enjoy it I guess it's just that I feel that's all he wants from me.
One more thing I'd like to mention that I think is relevant is the sex. He likes to dominate (strangle, spank, pull hair etc). I don't mind that but I have never let anyone do that to me before and I kinda think when you're so intimate with someone like that then they should show you respect in real life but I feel his attitude in the bedroom carries into every day life.
Then we had a fight over all this and he said I do nothing for him and he could've paid a whore and a maid to do what I did for him! I show him love and care every single day and was just trying to explain that I feel the majority of his love and care is directed elsewhere and that this hurts and maybe he could be a bit more considerate of my feelings when making plans.
I think he can't balance his life properly, and I don't think it's fair that I get used as "a maid and a whore" and don't get much time and effort in return really while he spoils his kids and ex wife. That's all I'm saying.
Does anyone think I'm unjustified to be upset?