Warning Long Post.....Just a Vent..... Hoping SD gets to attend t
Every year - for probably about 12 years now - instead of celebrating Halloween, My family and I have a "Harvest Fest". It started out at my church and sometimes we have it at different families members homes. Well it is at my home this year. We all dress our kids up in some type of costume - we eat chili and hot dogs - we give gift bags for the kids- we have a game night and watch movies.
Well this year since it is at my home, of course I was excited and started planning it two months ago. Have the games planned for adults and kids. Have some friendly competitions going on with little trophies as awards. Gonna cook chili and hot dogs for the kids, Have my gift bags items ready to hand out..... It is just going to be good fun with family.
We of course we were excited cause Halloween falls on DH's visitation this year. So we told SD we were so happy she would be able to attend and told her to pick out her costume. We have been talking about this party and getting ready - and SD is so excited to participate. (I also threw an Easter Party this year as well, and she attended this year - as it was DH's visitation weekend - and happened to be around SD's birthday on 10 April - SD had a absolute blast with the Easter egg hunt, birthday party, game bash - but for some reason it was not well received by BM or BM's mother when SD returned home.)
Well, now that every time DH talks with SD - she is so excited to come and wants to make sure it is still happening. Of course we are excited to have her here to participate as well. She just sounds overjoyed she will be here with the other kids too. I have 7 nieces and nephews attending, 2 family friends kids attending, DH has his 3 nephews attending, their parents and a couple other adults.
DH get a call from BM Monday stating SD has the flu and has to be out of school 5 days and may not be able to travel. DH asked BM if she thought SD had the flu to please take her to the doctor and get her check out as she has asthma. BM took SD to the doctor and never gave DH an update. SO DH spoke with SD last night and found out SD was not feeling as bad as BM stated. After speaking with the doctor, DH found out SD basically could have gone back to school yesterday or today and basically has a cold/allergies going on. She tested negative for a viral infection or the flu.
The problem is DH thinks BM is using this to block SD from attending the Harvest Fest and DH's visitation weekend. Today is Wednesday and she has basically let DH know that SD will still be recovering on Friday & Saturday and will be unable to attend the party on Saturday. DH would usually pick her up on Friday for his visit - as we live out of state.
HUH? Why she would not want her daughter to attend the Harvest Fest after SD has been speaking of it for the past 4 weeks or so. Why can she not put the hatred aside for us for once and left SD enjoy what her father, his family and everyone here is doing? I am not understanding why the hatred runs that deep? I know she told DH she hates him because he did not marry her or move back to her state - this happened 7 years ago - before SD was even born. Then she has told him and SD she dislikes me because I married him last august (2008). But in my opinion (as a BM myself) my daughter's happiness comes first - no matter what I think of her dad's actions in the past. DH pays his child support early each month (a higher amount even though the court stated it should be $216 less a month), picks her up on his weekends and always asks for extra time, and follows his court order, and does not cause BM any drama - he treats her with respect and works with her when he can. He really loves his daughter - and is really hurt each time BM does these type things.
Why is it a "good" father has to have such a hard time when it comes to getting visitation with his daughter? Geez, he has a court order and even if he didn't. He is her dad. Why persecute a man that is doing the right thing.....? In a world when so many don't?
BM has told DH to not involve SD in "family" things here because her mother is her family and since she resides in another state - that is where "family events" will be attended. BUT it is unfair to SD to have her sit out of things here in our state because of those wishes - whether they are selfish wishes or not. DH explained to BM - it would be damaging to SD to leave her out of everything going on in his state surrounding family and he would in no way leave her out. (BM had even told the trauma counselor she was taking SD to before the "court case" that she believe no one in VA love her daughter and they all were abusing her and hated her - written up in the counselor notes.)
I just don't get it. Anyways, i am glad for this site to be able to vent about it - and not carry the anger around.