How to get rid of annoying ex-friend?

mom2emallOctober 18, 2009

So my sd knew this girl when she was little and a few years back we ran into the girl and her mom at a park. My sd and the girl exchanged #'s and started playing together a lot. When we moved about an hour away from there they kept in contact and would have sleepovers. The girl was always bossy and my sd grew tired of it and did not want to be friends with the girl anymore. She told the girl she was too bossy and the girl cried and then soon after she was back to being bossy.

The girl has an awful family life (moms an alcoholic, dad is a deadbeat, she was raised by grandparents and one of them died). So I felt bad for her and we tried to keep her around. But it got to the point of ridiculous. SD started avoiding her calls and when they did talk she refused to make plans and made up excuses. Last time they hung out was almost a year ago. SD has been avoiding her calls for about 6 months! The girl does not give up. Yesterday we got woken at 8am with calls. This morning the calls started at 9am. She will call our house and then my cell and then our house!!!

We thought if we never responded she would give up! How do we get this girl to stop calling without saying anything mean? My sd does not want to tell the girl she just does not want to be friends. But if she does not then the girl will keep up this mad calling spree!!

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lovehadley

Wow. And you live an hour away from her????

It is sad and my heart goes out to the girl.....BUT your SD should not have to put up with this either.

I am probably not the best person to give advice b/c I am the QUEEN of avoiding confrontation. If it were me--I'd change SD's cell number!

I don't know what the right thing to do is. I think it would be HARD to outright say to this girl (since she IS just a kid) that SD doesn't want to spend time with her.

Can you just say something about SD being super busy w/school and activities, and with that coupled with the distance, it's just too hard to get-together?

    Bookmark   October 18, 2009 at 11:33AM
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mom2emall

LH my sd kept giving the girl excuses until the last 6 months. She said school, sports, family parties, etc.

Honestly I think the girl has no other friends. It makes me sad but what can I do? I'm not forcing my sd to hang out with the girl. For one of my sd's b-day parties 2 years ago she invited the girl. All my sd's friends got annoyed with the girl because she tried to decide what they should all do all night! When others said they did not want to she came to me and tried to ask me to make them! I told her right then that not everything could be her way and that if others did not want to play what she wanted to play she had two options
1. play alone
2. play what others want

    Bookmark   October 18, 2009 at 12:11PM
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lamom

mom2emall, do you know this girl's parents well enough to talk to them about the situation? Even if they are alcoholic etc maybe the time has come to have a diplomatic conversation with one of them about this girl. Possibly say something along the lines that your sd is really involved in other things these days, sports etc. or tell them the truth that the girl is too bossy.

My DS7 has been friends for a few years with 2 brothers who live around the corner from him. My DS still likes these boys a lot but I am getting a lot of excuses from their mother as to why they can't play together. The most frequent ones have to do with baseball/football practices or games and so on and my son does not participate in that. Even though it chafes, I think that DS7 on the receiving end of the brush off from these boys, possibly because DS7 has not been in to team sports and they are, they are at different schools, have other friends plus each other and realistically, DS7 is a little less mature. Either way, I've had to take the hint and I now wait for their mom to call for him! It still happens occassionally but that's life even for kids, they outgrow each other. Luckily, he has other little friends.

Maybe this girl's mother doesn't get it even though the excuses are mounting up and should just be told.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2009 at 3:27PM
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sylviatexas1

That poor girl!

I know she must be a pain, but she doesn't have any guidance, & she doesn't have anybody else.

The kind thing to do would be to get her into some structured group, like Camp Fire or Girl Scouts, where she can model adult behavior other than what she gets at home.

Maybe enlist a teacher or counsellor from her school?

    Bookmark   October 19, 2009 at 12:50PM
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maime

First I would talk to her parents and tell them she calls to early and to often. Then if you have to....screen the calls and don't answer the phone when she calls. Tell your family to call your cell if they call early in the morning and turn the land lines off at night. Hang up on her if you have to. Doesn't sound like she is the kind of person you politely say no to.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2009 at 10:32PM
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mom_of_4

Poor girl sounds lonely. Perhaps she doesnt actually know how to "play"... that is without being annoying and bossy. I know that it is not really your problem or your job but one thing I learned from my mom is all it takes is one person to help change a kid.... she did it several times with us kids. She made us play with the bully supervising the whole time, suggesting a game with specific rules and then gently correcting. For how impatient she was with us kids... it was amazing what she could do to just show a kid how to behave.... "this is how you play"... maybe try again and give it a shot. It sounds like the girl has so little maybe all she needs is one more shot.... with coaching on how to act.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2009 at 10:58PM
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mom2emall

Problem is they live an hour from us. So its not like we can have her over for an hour or two to play. After we moved here it was always sleepovers. And I just can't force sd to have a sleepover with this girl. Its not fair to her.

She did try telling the girl she was too bossy and she did not like it. The girl apologized and then she came to sd's b-day party and tried to boss everyone around. Even after I told her that everyone did not have to do what she wanted and that she should play what the girls wanted instead of attempting to force them to play what she wanted.

I really think it is past the point of us helping the girl. We just want her to leave us alone. And she lives with grandma and talking to grandma won't make a bit of difference. Grandma caters to the girls every whim and I have heard the girl yell at grandma and then grandma backs down. The girl runs that house. She listens to nobody and gets all she wants.

    Bookmark   October 20, 2009 at 9:33AM
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