BM sent SS flowers for his 16th b-day!

lady_qOctober 7, 2010

OK. I'm not a prude. I don't believe that men can't receive flowers, given the right circumstances. But, holy Hyacinthe!! A bouquet of flowers (cheap ones, BTW), delivered to our door on the occasion of SS's 16th birthday? Is it just me, or does this sound bizarre to anyone else??

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mattie_gt

It's not what I'd send a 16 year old boy, I'll say that much. But at least she remembered his birthday! It's more than some BM's do.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2010 at 10:57AM
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lady_q

Well, mattie, that's part of the problem. I think she did forget his birthday and this was her quick fix. He called her after receiving the flowers and she told him she had sent him a card on the previous friday (5 days before his birthday) -- it still hasn't arrived. If it ever arrives, I'm willing to bet that the post-mark is either the day of his birthday or later... she's such a loser.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2010 at 11:05AM
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silversword

"But, holy Hyacinthe!!" lmao! That's precious! did he like them?

    Bookmark   October 7, 2010 at 11:25AM
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lady_q

LOL...no, silversword, he was mostly just embarrassed. He's terrified that his friends will find out about it.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2010 at 12:17PM
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imamommy

Today is my dad's birthday & we work in the same office. I talked to him about an hour this morning & finally while writing something down with the date, I remembered his birthday & blurted out Happy Birthday! I feel terrible but does that make me a horrible daughter? I didn't get him a card or anything... and I see him EVERY DAY.

I'm sorry your SS is embarrassed by his mother's 'gift'. I don't know how anyone else would find out about it unless you or he say something. I mean, the neighbors can assume the flower truck was for you... they can think you have a wonderful husband that sent you flowers. It's an odd gift, I will give you that... my SD's grandma showed up at SD's birthday party the day AFTER her birthday with a bouquet of Tulips & I thought that is an odd gift to give a 9 year old. But, she probably wanted an excuse to pop in from an hour away to see if we were really having a party for her like we said.... maybe she thought we were lying to her like her mom does? But, like someone else said, at least she remembered his birthday ~ even if it was belated.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2010 at 1:13PM
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lady_q

Yes,imamommy, I understand that anyone can forget the birthday of a loved one. We all get preoccupied with whatever's going on in our life and even the most thoughtful person can forget an important date. However, this behaviour is not rare. Many important dates in SS16's life have come and gone without any acknowledgement from her or her family. It's difficult and hurtful for him, but there's nothing any of us can do about it, except try to make up for it by making a bigger fuss over him than we normally would.

My point was that I just thought it a very bizarre "gift". And, especially since it was his 16th, which is a very special birthday for most kids.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2010 at 1:45PM
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imamommy

It is a bizarre gift. But my SD's mother started a custody battle on her 8th birthday, abandoned her later that year, did nothing for her 9th birthday (after she promised she would.. she actually went out & left SD with a babysitter the day that she had told SD they would celebrate; yet she celebrated her BF's kids' birthdays which are in the same month as SD), she actually got her on her 10th birthday but didn't do any of the stuff she had promised, left early & had SD's grandma drop her off to us in tears, and for her 11th birthday I sucked it up & invited BM to the party I made for her... BM was 40 minutes late (we had the room for 60 minutes), didn't bring her a gift & when SD asked her to spend an hour with her after the party, BM said no. It's heart wrenching to watch a mother hurt & torture her child like that, yet I have to grasp onto the positives... like her mom actually came to her party. It's hard. I come here & vent, it must seem like I hate BM & she will never do anything right in my eyes... but I know that's not true. It isn't MY eyes that matter... and her relationship with her daughter is HERS. She is making it what it will be & there's nothing anyone can do about it. Yes, it still makes me angry to see the pain she causes SD. It really makes me angry when SD's reactions to it, cause ME grief & it affects MY relationship with SD. Again, there isn't a lot I can do about it.

I would look at the flowers as a positive... at least she gave an acknowledgment. How he feels about that, is going to determine his own relationship with his own mother. You and your DH can make the day special for him but you cannot make up for his mother's shortcomings by making a bigger fuss. Make the bigger fuss because it's his special day & you love him, but you can't do anything about what his mother does or doesn't do. I know that's hard... sometimes we have to stop & keep reminding ourselves of it... daily... minute by minute.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2010 at 2:51PM
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