Just keeps getting better!
Several weeks ago, SD asked to call me mom. At first, I thought it was just a manipulation tactic because we have NOT been getting along well. She is doing horrible in school, she lies about everything, & does not do what she is supposed to and then just kinda shrug when you call her on it. Since she is with me more, I have been the disciplinarian more. DH backs me & that really helps. I fully expected her to start calling me by my first name again when she gets in trouble & is mad at me. Nope. She got upset when I grounded her... she protested & cried. The next day, she apologized to me for overreacting. I've had lots of talks with her about doing what she needs to do & all the stuff she's missing out on because she chooses to ignore the rules, ignore homework, & lie about everything. Besides not getting to do extra curricular activities, we have lost being able to trust her & she is going to have to earn the trust back.
So, almost 3 weeks ago she went to BM's for a weekend. She left one of her school books there, she says by accident. She called BM on Monday to see if she left it there and BM said yes, that she would mail it to her. Then BM sent DH a text, asking for our address. (We've lived in the same place for 6 years & she KNOWS our address.. it's on the bill we send her every month for her half of SD's medical bills!) So, Wednesday SD anxiously waits for the mail. No book. She calls BM & BM tells her it will be there the next day. She tells SD that overnight mail was $30 so she sent it regular mail. (A regular letter will get here in one day... that's what the post office told me & I have tracked the bills sent to BM.) So, Thursday... same scene. No book. Friday ~ No book. Saturday ~ No book. SD tells me she is getting irritated at her mom because she isn't telling her the truth. I took that opportunity to tell SD... "that's pretty much how daddy & I feel when you don't tell US the truth." So, here we are on Wednesday of the second week & still no book.
But then it gets better ~ Several weeks ago, SD asked DH if she can go to BM's on Halloween weekend. It's DH's weekend but BM is having a huge Halloween party. SD was told that if she got her grades up, she can go. She has all F's in every class. That was one of the reasons SD was so anxious to get the book from BM... she had work in it that needed to be done & turned in so she can get her grade up. She even told BM that if she wants SD to come to the party, she NEEDS her book! Well, even though her grades are still all F's, I can say that I have been seeing her really try & last weekend, I wrote a fairly easy open book science test for SD to do. She got most of them wrong & she genuinely could not 'get it'. She has even admitted to me that she isn't really sure she's ready to be in 6th grade. So, considering her efforts I talked to DH & said that it might be unfair to punish her if she's failing because she doesn't really get it & should be back in 5th grade. (See, one of our conflicts is wondering if SD really doesn't get it or if it's another manipulation... she lies so much, but I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here) So, we agree to let her go to BM's for the weekend on the condition that BM transport her BOTH ways since it's our weekend & Sunday is Halloween. We don't want to spend our evening driving 3 hours each way to pick her up... we're taking DGS trick or treating. So, SD gets on the phone with BM & tells her she can go but they have to bring her back. BM says she will call right back... ~my educated guess is that she had to call her mom (grandma) to see if grandma is willing to go get her & take her back. So, BM calls back & says grandma can't bring her back because she has plans so BM would have to drive her back & she is willing to meet us halfway... that she can't bring her all the way because it's too expensive! SD is crying her eyes out & begging BM. Nope, she will only bring her back halfway. I guess it doesn't occur to BM that SD might figure out that this Halloween party is costing BM a lot of money... and she already knows mom is full of it because of the lies about the book. Personally, I think SD has figured out (or thinks) BM really doesn't want her to come at all & that's why she didn't send the book. In the end, my dad agreed to go pick up SD from the halfway point so now she can go. (Besides all the money BM has spent on the party ~ SD told me she's been buying stuff for weeks & telling me all the neat things they got... BM hasn't paid a dime in support since May!)