I'll think of a title later! long and winded :)
Ok ladies and gent :) I need some help
I get home from work on Sunday both of the boys are here ... supposed to be at mom's ... apparently ss13 and mom had a huge blow out over who knows what. I do not ask well while they were having their blow out ss16 got involved and began screaming and hollering at his mom so the two of them ganged up on her and let her have it ... told her how they see it and were not very nice about it called her all sorts of names called her out on all her bad behaviors ... Mom has found religion again so she hosts bible study at her home on sundays well during bible study ...SS16 was using his phone so mom flipped out on him and he called her a hypocrite telling her in front of her bible study friends that she swears all the time and thinks because she prays once a week that she can say and do what she wants the other 6 days a week and that does not make her a good christian ... so her solution was to send the boys to dad's house and when they go back to her house on tues they are grounded from everything and will just have to sit in their rooms ... ok great whatever its your punishment not mine.
So I get home from realize they are here now I have to adjust my dinner to include 2 extras people ... so while I am figuring that out mom is calling the boys to tell them how rotten they are to her and that they should be apologizing and she doesn't want to see them until they do..this goes on for another hour ... dinner is finally ready ... as we sit down to dinner she is on the phone again wanting to talk to the boys again ... I say we are about to eat tell mom you will call her later.... so she starts flipping out about how she can talk to her kids any F'ing time she wants to so now ss13 begins to tell her see this is what we mean you act all nice when your bible friends are around and now you are back to swearing at us and pseudo (she didn't swear at me just to me:) ...)
So I then say ok well no phones at the table if you are going to talk to her you can wait to eat. You are not ruining my meal by arguing at the table with your mom. so after 20 minutes they join me at the table and start complaining about mom ... now here it is.... I find myself defending mom !!
It kills me ... because they are right and at 13 and 16 are telling her like it is ... you see her strategy worked she allowed the kids to talk anyway they wanted because they have a right to speak their minds and she would help them by giving them the words to use but the problem for her is ... they did/do not turn against myself and hubby ... they turned against her .... years ago you all said eventually this would happen and it has but its killing me to see them talk to anyone like that including her ... and I find myself defending her whats worse is hubby is sticking up for her and he nearly vomits all over himself while doing it ... it physically makes him sick when he gets off the phone... he ends up consoling BM because she will say things like I guess I am the worst mother in the world and why don't my children love me I buy them this and that and they are never happy etc etc...
So after dinner she is calling back to tell the kids she suspended their phone service so they can't use their phones. Because when hubby picked them up she wanted their phones and they refused to give them to her ran outside got in hubby's car and wouldn't give them to her ... when they got here hubby asked for the phones and they gave them to him .... so at 9pm she was outside sent in SD to get the phones .... then when SD got home with mom she and SD had a blow out. SD sailed into mom the way she normally sails into me ... so yesterday SD comes here and is nice a pie to me really strange like overly nice asking how my day was to nice made me suspicious was sad because I was going to work and wouldn't be able to hang out with her ..... haven't hung out with her in years but anyway...
While I was at work last night she had a complete meltdown over how her mother treats her and no matter how mean she is to me, I still like her and her mother doesn't (what world is she living in) and how she doesn't want to live with her mother anymore so she got on the phone with her mother and told her mother basically she doesn't do anything for her and she's a bad mother and all of the stuff she has daddy and pseudo bought for her and that even though she has custody of her she doesn't buy her anything doesn't even give her lunch money she has to ask her dad for it because her mom is always complaining how she is broke but yet has money for the things she likes but can even give her lunch money ... never mind buy her school clothes and its all her fault(mom's) that pseudo doesn't buy her(SD) stuff anymore.
So today they are supposed to go to their mom's .... none of them want to go ... SS13 told her he wasn't going to her house today ... ss16 said he will but only if she puts his phone back on .... SD asked if I was working tonight I said no (big mistake) ... SD called mom on the way to school to tell her I have the night off so she wants to stay at daddys tonight .... so mom called hubby flipping about how her kids like me better than her ....
I can't win and I am not even trying to win!!!!!!
Here are my questions:
How do I word it so I am not justifying mom's actions but get them to see that what they are doing is not right .... even though this is what she taught them to do just not to her.
SD is tricky ... she has always used my mom has custody blah blah blah ... now she doesn't want to live with mom either and told mom so ...I am sure that will change in 15 minutes :)