What Should DH Do?
Things have (shocker) escalated with BM lately. We recently went on a short trip to Colorado with my family (me, DH, SS, DD, and my grandparents and mom) and BM flipped out. It's just jealousy, pure and simple.
Arrived back home to nasty messages from her for me--about how my fmaily needs to back off, SS will not be going on any more trips with us, I need to back off, realize I am not his mother, etc.
Then the next day she texts me to "talk and clear the air." Then, of course, when I ignored her, she got all angry again and told DH I am being mean and ridiculous yada yada. B/c all she wants to do is explain her feelings to me.
BLAH BLAH. I'm way past any of that.
DH knows how serious this is--I told him that if nothing changes in his relationship with BM (ie--mult. calls a day is unacceptable) I will be leaving when my therapist advises.
He's been working really hard as of late---in the last month or so--to draw clear boundaries with her. He told her he will not take her calls anymore, and that any communication, unless it is an emergency, can be handled via text or email.
SEVENTEEN MISSED CALLS he had from her two days ago. And assorted nasty texts, as well.
She does not do well with his boundaries. But I'm impressed b/s so far, he's been holding firm.
But the last two nights, here's what she does: she talks to SS at night to say goodnight, and then she says, "Put your dad on the phone, I need to talk to him."
SS: "Daaaaaad! Mom needs to talk to you."
She does this all the time and the problem is, SS is so in tune with the drama between them that if/when DH says, "I'm busy, I'll call her back," he gets all upset.
"But DAD, she needs to talk to you! Don't be mean to her." And he waves the phone in DH's face, and gets all sad/upset/angry if DH won't take it.
It happens frequently---probably 1 out of everty 3 nights that SS is with us, but the last two nights, it's been b/c DH has been holding firm. He had five missed calls fcrom BM yesterday----no messages, no texts---and then, of course, she's gotta use SS as a means to get through.
What should DH say? Being direct is an option but THAT won't make her stop.
It's tricky b/c he doesn't want to make SS feel bad, nor does he want him in the middle---but it is BS of BM to use her son as a pawn. UGH.