Ok, here's the story...BM is leaving for a month long trip to Africa. Younger SD (she's 17) is staying at BM's house with older sibs (two girls, one 19 -"going on 35!!"- and the other is 24)for most of the time, but staying with us a few days in the week. BM set this up, she has known she is going on this trip since May but she only told us 3 weeks ago AND she told us WHEN we would have SD. It's hard, because with BM, it's very often not "can you do this or that", it's "you ARE doing this or that". It's "my way or the highway". It's not a request, it's an ORDER, if you know what I mean. So anyways, we only find out the "schedule" from BM in full on Sunday night, she leaves Tuesday and we have been asking to know what's happening for the past month, since we found out that she is actually going. BM has told us 3 other times now that she is "going to Africa" to start a farm so DH had a hard time even believing that she was going. We are happy to have SD here, she's the youngest and is ok for the most part, she tries at times to "manipulate" and she can be verbally abusive but since she is younger, we can manage it for short periods. Also, she has been going for therapy and that seems to be helping her, so that's good. Her older sisters are another story...anyways, ok, sorry this is long!!
So BM emails us the schedule and we email back because we are fine with SD coming here, etc..but now BM wants us to take SD back to her house every night at 10 pm to feed and walk the dog. I had asked BM when we first got news of her "trip" one month ago that she please find a dog sitter for when SD is with us, because we live 25 minutes away from her house. BM emails and calls us, and it is "expected" that we will "police her house so that the two older girls have no "company" over, no parties, no friends." We are like "whaaaattt??" DH and I don't feel that we should be responsible for the older two kids' time at her house. If they were with us,at our home, then sure, that's fine, but we are here to watch over SD, 17, not the house, the dog, the older kids'behavior!! We explain this to her, she throws a tantrum, calls my DH's work RELENTLESSLY until the secretary can't take it anymore and hands him the phone. In the past, BM has made claims she is "bipolar" but even all 3 SD's say that she is not, they feel that she "acts out" when she wants something or is not getting her way. Anyways, we had also sent her a paper via email to print out that is like a "medical waiver". Have any of you ever signed one of those or had one of those for your child? Like when your child goes on a field trip, you fill it out, in case of emergency? Well, I am a nurse and a Mom and a SM and I just felt it would be good to have, a copy signed by her for us, another copy for the two other SD's for when SD 17 is with them, and one more copy for SD17 to keep with her for when she stays with friends while BM is away. Well, more phone calls and emails and craziness because of that paper...She basically wrote to my DH in an email:
"I refuse to sign this, and will reply as such to your partner. If an emergency arises that SD17 would need medical care that would require your signature - it will be drastic enough of a situation that I should 1. be notified immidetly and that you and I will be the ONLY people making decisions in such a circumstances".
We tried to explain to her, that if BM is on a plane or at the airport or somewhere where there is no cell reception and God forbid, but if SD17 falls or gets hit by a bus, or whatever, and that we could not reach BM, we would just like the paper signed, for her daughter's safety. Is that unreasonable, because when we go away and leave the kids, we always leave a paper like this. It's just "in case". I guess by BM's wording, for her it's about "possessiveness" of "her child". In hindsight, BM has called them "HER children" for years, to DH and anyone else. He used to laugh and say, what does that make me then, the SPERM donor??!! So I guess that's why she is freaking out about a paper...?...But she is minimum 23 hours away by plane, 23 HOURS...sheesh...it was just for safety's sake, come on...it's so nuts...