The Prodigal SS
DH has heard very little over the past couple of years from his older son (OSS), the one who decided that he wanted to live with BM as an older teenager. Supposedly this was for educational reasons; in reality, it turned out, it was because OSS didn't feel that he should have to do even the minimal chores he had here (mainly of the "clean up after yourself") variety, and BM wanted to get out of paying CS (this, straight from her mouth).
DH and he spoke a few times, until DH began to realize that OSS was never calling just to say hello, wouldn't talk to DH when he called, and only wanted to visit us when something fun was planned. As in, he'd show up after months of silence, allow us to buy him things and then disappear for months again. In addition there were some serious issues with his (mis)treatment of SS when he had to visit his mother, and DH said enough. He's more than welcome to visit, I know that DH would love to talk to him - but no more of the showing up when the fatted calf is slaughtered kind of thing. (Apparently DH strongly disagrees with that Biblical parable...)
BM has been complaining to DH about OSS. He's been out of HS for over a year, and has been doing - nothing. Nada, zip, zilch. Not working, not even applying for jobs, not going to school, just staying up all night playing video games and refusing to do anything else, apparently. BM tells DH he "needs to do something". DH informs BM that she has his full backing on whatever consequences she feels appropriate.
So. DH has received a couple of phone calls and messages in the last couple weeks. OSS wants to (wait for it) move back in with us. There was no mention made at all of better job opportunities, proximity to college, anything whatsoever along those lines. Rather, OSS informed DH that BM is "mean" to him, that she won't let him use her computer anymore (after his own succumbed to multiple viruses!), that she yells at him all the time.
DH says even several months ago he would have probably allowed it, with very strict conditions (you've got two weeks to find some form of job, etc.) but recent events have changed his mind. His answer was an unequivocal no. (Thank God. We just cannot handle additional stress right now.) DH says if there was absolutely any indication that OSS was making an effort his answer might be different - but at this point he has no doubt that OSS would promise the earth, moon and stars would happen after he moved back here, and when he was firmly ensconced it would immediately revert to same old, same old.
I don't know what's going to happen. I hope that somehow OSS gets his act together and starts to grow up. (Military would be a fine option for him, I think.) But honestly, I suspect that he'll continue to take the path of least resistance as long as possible, and find somewhere else to stay and do nothing until he gets booted, move elsewhere to couch surf, and at some point wake up to find himself in his early twenties with no job experience and no education.
What a mess. I keep reminding DH that, even in families with two completely stellar parents, there are sometimes kids whose attitude and behavior is not what one would have hoped for.