Remarried Bio-mom, from a stepparent childhood
I have been looking on websites, looking for support groups or information for the situation I am in.. Not quite sure if this is for just stepmom's or stepdad's.. But I am an adult Step CHILD, does that count?
I am recently remarried, divorced for 5 yrs. I have a difficult relationship with my ExDH and his wife. Because there has been so much conflict, SM has not seen DD (9 yrs old) in 2 1/2 yrs because of her behavior and exDH has been on supervised visits. DD is in counseling and is doing so great! She has started, in the last few months unsupervised visits with BD a few times a week and will begin supervised visits again in the next few weeks to include SM.
I am nervous about the transition because I do worry about history repeatng itself.. But I am happy for DD because I know she is ready to move forward and so am I.
I have an amazing stepfather. He married my mom when I was four and has raised me and my brother and sister as his own for the last 30 yrs. My dad blessed me with 3 different step moms.. One that was abusive, 1 that was too kind and 1 that ended up being just perfect.
I have a large extended family, it seems like everyone has been through divorce. I had always hoped to spare DD from this but we were married young and life just went a different direction.
I don't look to be friends with SM... I am sure she will never have anything to do with me again.. I just hope for the sake of OUR DD she can put her feelings aside and work with us and not against us. The supervised visits were because of her actions and it was ordered by a judge based on the evidence that was presented.. DD was alienated from me during a 30 day visit to BD's over the summer (she was only 6 yrs old). And SM (GF at the time) took over every school function and parent/teacher conference that was scheduled. Refused to allow DD to participate in activities like soccer or cheer even though BD and I had agreed on the activity. Ultimately she was arrested for assault and injury to a child which a PO was then issued and she hasn't had access to DD since.
I have hated this roller coaster ride and I am relieved it's almost over and that we might go back to a normal "life" of visitaitons. DD having her daddy in her life like a "normal" daddy is, DD is going to be so excited! I am just worried.. And I guess I have just been looking around trying to find similar stories maybe to help me with how you handle your exDH's new family/wife.. the SM to your children. How you handle your feelings and your anxiety's.. I see some of you are SM's that have full custody and you do a lot for your kiddos.. and some have children of your own that have SM's to deal with also. My new husband, although older than I am, has never been married and never had children of his own... so I don't have that side of the fence to deal with and only the experiences I had from being a child of divorce. I was so young, it really didn't effect me. Well Atleast I hope it didn't.
I am not innocent in this situation either. I wasn't always the model ex-wife. I was angry in the beginning and careless after that.. I went through phases as most do.. I felt betrayed because as I was trying to go through my grieving process, I felt rushed by a woman who was eager to take my place in my child's life.. I was resistant..
maybe more than resistant..
I look back and I sometimes think, if I could have done just one thing different, she wouldn't have reacted and then we would never have gotten to where we are today.
And the only thing I can think is that I just would have realized that my daughter was going to love me no matter WHAT anyone said about me or who came in to her life.
I know that now and I am hoping, praying for the best. I hope this time around is better.
I really want to start a life with my new husband and this situation has really kept us from moving forward to build the family that we deserve as well.