Step-Sons a Living Nightmare

ragharhasturOctober 16, 2011

Life is a nightmare with these step-sons. The oldest is 34 with 2 daughters ages 4 and 6. He is quite polite and helps around the house when he is awake. Problem is he sleeps 10-11 hours a day, during the day and is up all night playing games on the computer. He goes to sleep about 5 am and wakes up at 4 or 5 pm. The oldest child is in school but the youngest is not. I end up babysitting the younger one every day. I am disabled and am not supposed to drive, but I need to get away from time to time. I raised 4 children and they have children 3,000 miles away. We live in a condominium that was designed for 2 people. The step-son has pretty much taken over the whole house. When my wife finally gets home at night she goes to the bedroom which is the only room left that is ours. We also babysit on the weekends while this son sleeps on the couch all day. He had a job as a helper to a contractor, but couldn't make it to work in the morning, so the job lasted 2 days. Oh, I forgot to mention that this step-son has not had a job in the past 8 years. He moved in with us because step-son number 2 is physically abusive when he doesn't get his way.

Now for Step-son #2. He is 26 and lives in his mothers house in another state. He was diagnosed ADHD and opositional defiant disorder. He refuses to get treatment. He is the ultimate narcissist. He is always right and you better not disagree with him. If you disagree he gets angry, irate, combative. He does not work but demands his mother buy him new computers and expensive electronic toys. His mother pays the mortgage on the house, utilities, and sends him money for gas and food. He brought 2 dogs to the house against my wife's wishes (pit bulls). He now barely takes care of them. Of course my wife now supports them as well. When he doesn't get his way he goes totally berserk, throwing things, calling my wife every name in the book. He has said that he will burn the house down if she sells it or throws him out. This was to be my wife's and my retirement home. I am retired with disability and she is almost retired. I have told her I will not live in the same county with her son. I find myself traveling to visit my children and grandchildren out west and want to spend all summer with them this next summer. All 4 children are well adjusted and work. My wife will never be rid of her sons and they will live off her till the day she dies. My wife works very hard for her money and she says she can do whatever she wants with her money and spends it on her sons.

When I married her, I knew about the oldest son who sort of worked and seemed normal. The other son was living with his father who finally threw him out, put him on a bus to live with us and has no ties with his son at all. The boy still idolizes his father and uses that against my wife constantly, even though his father doesn't want anything to do with him. Also this son has no friends. They find out what he is like and want nothing to do with him. Sorry for the rant but I don't know what to do. My wife will not stop subsidizing them for their bad behavior.

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Well, we've read alot about the stepsons now, but little about why you're still there. How long have you been married?

Me? I'd take my own money, get on a plane and go West. Find an independent living center where they won't allow all the soon to be ex wife and her baggage to follow and live out my years happy. I'd meet friends in the social room that I could enjoy doing things with (senior vans take groups for activities and events, dr appointments whatever) and I'd visit with my own children and grandchildren when their schedules permit. You? What's holding to living your current 'nightmare'?

Seriously, no matter what these stepsons are like or what they are doing matters little...the wife that is allowing and enabling it to transpire in the household is what really is your problem. You're never going to 'fix' these grown children and does not sound as if your wife wants to chance anything. That leaves your only option being to decide for yourself you are going to change what you personally can and remove yourself from all of them.

Talk to your lawyer, make your plans and go live your life. Don't look back and enjoy the rest of your years.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2011 at 7:39AM
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I have to agree. Her kids are not kids, they are damn near middle aged.

My 22 year old son moved back home. He would stay up all night playing video games & sleep all day if I let him. I cut off the wireless internet so he has to buy his own if he wants to play. The next step would be cutting off the power to his room when I go to bed (w/a lock on the box) But, I can't even imagine either of my son's still living with me (or me financially supporting them) for more than a couple of more years.

Your wife has raised these losers (along with their father) and I agree with JMT, why not leave & don't look back? You have normal kids? Move closer & enjoy your grandkids. Why suffer through being stuck enabling these man-children? And I don't agree that she should be allowed to send her money to them whenever she wants... not if it affects your household. Having her adult son sponge off you, leave you to care for his kid(s), etc. does affect you.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2011 at 9:37PM
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