Just need to vent
I tripped over this forum tonight... and related to so many of the posts. I have been a SM for 15 years. While there have been many happy times, overall, the relationship is HARD! Today I was feeling the sting acutely... and realized I have NO ONE to talk to! DH gets resentful and defensive when I say how frustrated I am by lack of relationship with SSs. The funny thing is, I should be dancing and counting blessings. The older of the 2 SSs has really turned around. At 23, when he visits us, he calls me by name, helps around the house, shares thoughts, and directs conversations my way. My younger SS, age 20, tries to will me into non-existence. I know I have to let go -- it's just so painful. Especially when my inlaws join us, I feel like I am providing hotel and restaurant services for ungrateful strangers! I thought I was a smart person... but apparently not... I just never learn my lessons... I keep doing things (preparing food, making beds etc) for SS that are simply not wanted. This morning, I threw the uneaten breakfast (and the pan!!) in the garbage. There are plenty of takeout places in our neighborhood. This kitchen is CLOSED! I think we'll all be happier.
One more thing... why does DH not notice that SS does not talk to me or address me by name when he needs something? I have pointed this out over the years, but DH shrugs me off. (Sometimes, my name is "um," but usually, it's not even that much).
I'm just feeling lonely tonight, and am allowing myself this one-eveing pity party. I'm so happy I found this forum to VENT. I realize that I have no one to talk to, since I do not want to put SS in a negative light in front of anyone I know.
Yes, I'm happy to be married, yes, I chose the right man, but sheesh... I didn't expect the "blended" family difficulties to follow us this long. For the record, we are NOT "blended." Crudely stapled maybe, but not blended.
Thanks for reading. I hope that your step family runs smoother than mine!!