Need to vent......

incognitomomSeptember 26, 2011

I think I mentioned that flakey bm left state again. She called the day before and tried to skip town and leave me and dh to tell the kids so she wouldn't have to. WE didn't let her off the hook that easy and she had to tell them. Of course she threw in a sob story about leaving her boyfriend, bla bla bla.

Now we are a few months later and she never left the boyfriend....he moved out of state with her and currently lives at her parents home with her and her other kids. I am not surprised....but one of my sd's took it pretty hard because as always she ate up all bm's lies and wanted to believe them till she was slapped in the face with the truth.

We have had problems with her in the past when her bm pulled this type of stuff(she is 15 now). She would do really well when bm was out of the picture for long periods, but then would act up when bm reappeared or first disappeared.

So now we are at the acting up because bm disappeared again phase and I am ready to pull my hair out!!! I am getting nothing but attitude from her...anytime I say anything she does not respond till I say it a second time or dh says it. When I ask her to do something she takes her sweet time going to do it (she will sit and continue whatever she is doing till I have to tell her again what to do). She is lying about stupid things.

For instance she got a new eyeliner pencil that just does not work right. Her eyeliner is going on REALLY dark and thick. Looks really trashy. So I told her to stop using it because it was not working well and looked bad and I would buy her a new one in the next few days. The next day she gets home from school and has the dark thick eyeliner on again. I look at her and ask why she is wearing eyeliner again when I told her not to. She then tells me she did not put any on. (Do I really look that stupid??). IT turned into a few minute debate of me saying I can see it and her denying it is on! Finally she just says that she did and thought I would not notice! In the big picture the eyeliner is not the big problem...the lying is.

I am just so sick of this. I HATE bm for causing this. I know some of it is typical teenage girl stuff...but it has amplified to a horrible place and I am trying really hard to stay calm. Dh has been talking to her about her behavior and even grounding her for the behavior and it just seems to make it worse. Ugghh! I am at my witts end.

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justmetoo

Make-up lesson time. Sit down with her and ask that she show you how she applys and what 'look' she is going for. Who knows, you might be surprised to learn her girlfriends are all going with the heavy cheap trash look...yeah, I don't 'get' it either, but I know if one friend wears something absolutely ridiculous, the other friends think to be 'cool' they should copy the look. Tough. Not going to happen...cheap heavy trashy is not going to be allowed.

Once you know the whys and hows as to her extreme make-up, help her apply the correct/acceptable way. She's 15. She gets a choice. Either no eye pencil or eye pencil the approved (by dad/you) way. Have a beauty party. Take turns doing each other's face...good, ok and 'oh my gosh'. Let her 'see' what YOU would look like if you tried the cheap/trashy/heavy look. I remember my DD (now 30) being totally disgusted with the thought Mom might appear in public with her looking 'like that'!

She got a 'this is the house rules and as long as you live in this house these rules are non-negotiable' sit down talk/lesson. It was pretty basic. Wear it in an acceptable manner or don't wear it at all. I also showed her how much prettier she actually looked with the toned down application...make-up is not to overwhelm one's own natural beauty.

Ignoring you? Yeah, I remember that tactic too. I didn't do a lot of playing into it. It was simply 'When you're finished ignoring me you might want to rememeber that there will be no _______(fill in the blank) until you're gotten the _______(fill in the blank) completed'. She was only hurting herself if she chose to continue ignoring me. Me standing there expecting her to 'jump' because I told her to was not going to get me very far. She was not ignoring me because she did not know or did not hear me. She was ignoring me because she was making a statement. In her mind I was suppose to get all upset...she was deliberately ignoring, defying and well, punishing me afterall.

You know as you said, part of this is normal teenage crap, and with your SD part of it is she's been hurt and is angry at her BM. The most you can really do right now is be there for her. Acting out and ignoring house rules is not going to 'fix' anything. Remind her you know she's hurting and that you're there is she needs to talk, but in the meantime, house rules are house rules and it's up to her as to if she gets to go to things like events, friend's houses blah blah. If she is not going to respect you/dad and house rules she is not going to get privileges. You're not going to drive her here/there, purchase this/that blah blah. In other words, acknowledge her difficult situation but make it clear as part of the household that behavior is not going to gain her what she whats or make anything all 'better'.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2011 at 8:11AM
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