Big Mommy and Little Mommy

thurmanSeptember 19, 2012

I know some of you folks think I sound petty,but there are things that just bother the crud out of me. One of them is my wife's insistence on sharing very personal things about my son to her daughter. It drove me crazy years ago. I always felt she was elevating her daughter to be "Little Mommy." When I listen to her, it doesn't sound any different than the run down she would give me on the phone. Almost too spousal--I don't remember my parents doing this. On the other hand, I don't remember my siblings not knowing their role as siblings and children...they didn't think they were miniature parents.

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colleenoz

Oh for Pete's sake...what a miserable parent you are. Clearly your upbringing has made you petty, jealous and suspicious. Normal parents do share information between siblings, I had such a conversation only yesterday with my MIL about my SIL. Hopefully with at least one normal parent your son will grow up to be a well rounded, balanced young man.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2012 at 12:14AM
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justmetoo

--"When I listen to her, it doesn't sound any different than the run down she would give me on the phone."--

Thurman, if it bothers you so much, why listen in to your wife's phone calls? Do you sit by and listen to every phone call your wife makes/gets to and from her relatives and friends? Hanging on every word with fear/anger that wife might be saying/hearing some 'personal things'? What's 'personal' and what's not and in whose opinion?

I'm not sure I'd compare your childhood family to what is 'normal' relationships within families. You've told us yourself that one of your parents was 'unstable and addictive' and that you learned early on to let things 'fester'.

You do realize, right, that whatever you overheard that you found too personal for wife to 'share' with SD, son himself very likely would have or has also 'shared' with his sister? How many phone calls between brother and sister do you suppose there are that you know nothing about?

You also realize right, that you have an unhealthy tendency to think of your son as a personal possession? Something that is 'yours yours, all yours'. No one else is suppose to love him, care about him or have anything to do with any part of him because afterall, you, thurman, own him. Just like you own your wife...no one else should love and care about her (except for the child you gave her). No personal phone calls showing concern. No bottles of perfume. No greeting and seeing off guest in your home. Nope, it's 'yours, yours, all yours'. For pete's sake, I read one thread where you were upset son asked a ride to a friends house from his sister instead of from you! You were hurt and livid. How dare YOUR son want a ride from anyone other than his FATHER.

Does all of this above sound like a normal functioning parent who just happens to have a SD who has caused every bit of your 'troubles' by not KNOWING HER PLACE?

Exactly what, thurman, do you think SD's place is in the family? What do you think her relationship should be like with YOUR son? How much and/or how little should she be ALLOWED to love and care and show a genuine interest in/for her brother? Her mother?

    Bookmark   September 20, 2012 at 6:30AM
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DFWmom

Oh please...you are just grasping at anything you can to make this grown woman look bad. She's a big sister and most big sisters look out for their younger siblings. In fact, sometimes they DO act like 2nd mothers.

You need to relax. Chill out. Lighten up. Don't be so jealous of stepdaughters relationship with mom & son.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2012 at 9:53AM
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mkroopy

OMG you need a hobby.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2012 at 11:38AM
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gerina

I had older sister. She was my only sibling and she and my mother were very close. My mom told her all kinds of things about me. My mom and I were not close; however, she would tell me things about my sister. My sister actually bought my mom a necklace with a diamond pendant, which is something that my dad would never buy for my mom. He came from a family that never gave gifts and he NEVER EVER bought gifts.

The relationship that your wife and SD have is normal. I used to sympathize with some of your complaints many years ago, but not any longer. Not only do they have a lovely mom/daughter relationship, they have a woman/woman relationship. We like to talk. We like to help our friends, moms, sisters with dishes and guests and whatever else because it's what we do and it gives us an additional opportunity to talk.

I certainly don't want to judge you or your family of origin. But, just let them have their woman time. I can guarantee that your SD is not trying to replace you or fill your shoes. Trust that your wife still has things that she only tells you.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2012 at 12:46PM
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sylviatexas1

"OMG you need a hobby."

I think he's got one...

    Bookmark   September 21, 2012 at 11:33AM
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thurman

I often wonder if the general reaction of folks is gender based. I am guessing but assuming most of the replies are by females...and not males? Maybe men and women are different in what they view as respect or not, etc?

    Bookmark   September 27, 2012 at 8:17PM
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justmetoo

Nice try, Thurman...but no cigar. Mkroopy, who told you to get a hobby is a male.

I myself am a female. But to run your little theory through a 'test' I read a few of your different threads to Mr Justmetoo. After I ran a few pass him, and he pulled his jaw up off the table, he agreed with MKroopy. That was after he asked 'is that guy for real'? Mr. JMT and I have been married over 30 yrs. We have his son, my son, our son and our two daughters. I can tell you Mr JMT knows we would not have lasted 6 months if he defined 'respect' in the manner you do.

I suppose you could find a stepfather board and run your theory pass them.

Have a good evening, Thurman. I hope all is well at the Thurman household this evening.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2012 at 8:52PM
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kkny

Thurman, there will come a time when you and Mrs. Thurman are not around. Your SD may be an important family member to your son. It sounds like she cares about him and has his best interests at heart.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2012 at 11:35PM
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