IV D has made contact

momof3_stepof1September 19, 2011

BM got a letter from the child support office. She called dh about it Friday morning. She asked when she was supposed to begin making payments, he told her January 1. She started whining about "why is Indiana doing this to me now....?" It said in the letter I guess that they are reporting her to the credit reporting agencies and that she has 20 days to respond. It also stated she owes $3700. My dh told her that she had always sent $224... or 4 weeks worth and that some months had 5 weeks. She says... "oh I never thought about that... " uh duh!! She was receiving support for 10 years and she never noticed that sometimes she got more? Again... blonde dye dipping into brain cells... or drug activity/alcohol eating those away? I don't know what else letter said... I'm guessing they mentioned tax intercept because if they are more then $500 behind they do that too. She was freaking out. DH totally got away with her believing it's the state though. HAHA!

After a few hours thinking about it I remembered that when we got the court order in the mail it had two errors in it. One of them being that her support payments were to begin January 1, 2010... instead of 2011. Her lawyer had put in for a correction to both errors and the other error was the only one fixed in the corrected order we received. So... the support office still believes she was to begin making payments January of 2010. I called dh and told him I thought that's what it was and that she truly only owed $700ish... as of last Friday. He let her know that but he's NOT calling the support office to fix it. (They are totally horribly hard to get ahold of on the phone).... He's letting her take care of that part. It should absolutely be her job to get that fixed, or her lawyers. We won't fight it but it's hers to fix. She said she'd send whatever she could. I'm having a hard time believing she sent anything.

Yesterday was ss birthday. She had originally promised him a mountain of fun things to do that day..... then it turned into just going to a festival. Well, none of that happened. They ended up just playing tag in the garage with a fog machine. Wooohooo! She told dh Friday that she was going to try to talk ss out of coming home early yesterday for his game.... which ss begged her to come watch him play. She took herself out of her golf thing but still didn't come watch the game... which ss still wanted to play. He was so bummed about his birthday we had to immedietly try to make it up to him. We took him out to Don Pablo's then shopping. He was happy with that.

This morning then ss says that his mom says she's taking him to Hawaii for spring break this year. It's NOT her year for taxes plus she's now married... so that HUGE return she got last year won't come this year..... she's ALWAYS making all these promises she CANNOT keep. It makes me soooooo mad... cause then ss goes to school and tells his friends... "my mom's gonna do this... or that"... then he looks like an idiot cause his mom lied. I told dh that January 1 rolls around we are marching straight into get our taxes done just incase she plans to file with him..... I'm not letting her take that from us. It'll be our first year EVER with him.

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Yum. Love Don Pablo's. I use to stop at the one in Lafayette when my son lived over there.

I don't think you/Dh should feel you should have to make up for what BM fails to do. I would simply plan whatever it is you are going to do for each child's birthday and then do it (whether it is on the acutal birthday or not depending on vistation schedules). DH/you were going to do something for SS anyway, so just look at whatever you did as what you were going to have done anyway.

BM should not be able to claim SS on the 2011 tax returns. You might want to pop over to tax information online and check this out pretty soon instead of waiting until the first of the year. Since BM has been the one to claim SS all these years but DH now has primary resident custody I have no clue if something like the 8332 form (release/revocation of claim exemption for child by custodial parent) would come into play somehow. I'd hate to have BM be able to pull something off unexpected this come tax time. Because there was a change in custody just be sure DH does whatever it is to assure he is the one who gets to claim for 2011. That form may not apply to him at all, but just check early so if there is something it gets it done. Is there anything in their custody agreement about who gets to claim and when?

It is Bm's place to straighten out the CS amount and start date, but it was good of DH/you to remind her of the error so she can tend to that. As supposedly Dh did not 'do this' the State of Indiana did, Dh should continue with that thought. He can quite honestly just say it is out of his hands and she'll have to deal with questions and whatever with them. I hope she starts paying now and continues to pay regular. It will do her no good to call DH with one of her 'I am going to be late' stories as it really is now out of his hands.

I hope you're feeling a bit better this week.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2011 at 8:48PM
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You just freaked me out a little there jmt.... same Don Pablo's! :) HAHA!

I know we shouldn't make up for what bm fails to do but I've been doing that for 11 years.... kinda a bad habit to try to break now.

Their court order states that bm got ss last year for taxes and they are to switch every other year. Meaning she knows darn well it's our year to claim him. DH is supposed to give her the form on her years. It just makes me so nervous since she's already planning something so expensive.

DH has no intentions of ever telling her otherwise as far as the support goes. I've actually been using that excuse for the past 11 1/2 years with ds11. Sperm donor and his family have tried to get me to drop it forever and I simply tell them I have nothing to do with it. So I'm sure dh can play the same game I do.... which it really is out of our hands once you file with Title IV D.... they continue to collect "in the best interests of the child"... not for the parent.

I also wanted to comment.... bm asked dh to feed ss Friday night.... she said they were going to "Friday's" before pickup. She couldn't wait for ss..... then yesterday she didn't feed him at all before pickup. So really, she only fed him one day this weekend. That's one day worth of meals for a month.... and ss said he had grilled cheese. OMG! WOW!

I'm having a little better week this week, we shall see how it goes. I did ask dh this morning.... and he agreed nicely.... that from now on he will ask bm to help pay for ss's extracurricular activities. I explained quietly and nicely that she's only paying $224 a month. The round trip this weekend cost us $120 in gas so essentially we only get $104 a month for support. That's not much and she always asked us to pay half of his activities. Since we had just had a discussion last night that the kids' activities were hurting us a TON... he realized I was right and agreed. It was nice!!

    Bookmark   September 19, 2011 at 9:41PM
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"She asked when she was supposed to begin making payments"

Ummmmm, the correct answer is.... "the day the children began living with ME!"

I went to court today for child support. They are still trying to figure out the past due arrears for my oldest son who is now almost 25. It is so interesting & quite sad to go to court & watch parents try to wiggle out of paying for their children. One guy handed over a small wad of cash to a DA representative so he can now go into the courtroom & honestly say he just made a payment. It may be the ONLY money his ex gets for a while but it bought him a reprieve. That is what pisses me off about the DA here. They don't seem to want to do their job. I honestly felt like making an announcement to everyone sitting in the hall, waiting to go into court.


Of course, I then envisioned the bailiffs dragging me out of the courthouse & tossing me into the street or putting me in jail for disturbing the peace... or should I say the "process" of the way the court is operated. It's a business & nobody seems to remember WHY they are there... because the CHILDREN need to be supported by TWO parents.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 12:10AM
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Ima... that is very interesting!!! I say that because EVERYTIME I go to court with ds11 sperm donor he makes a payment before court. EVERY SINGLE TIME! The last one was only $75 but the time before that he paid $1500. Those are the only payments I receive though... the ones made just prior to walking into the court room. I have a big speech prepared each time to go in with about this.

It is so true though.... if they are living any kind of life why do they even come with an excuse as to why they can't pay? I do have to comment though.... when we dropped ss off with bm, dh commented that she looked like she was wearing pajamas and looked fat. I thought that was interesting too cause she supposedly left work, went to Friday's then came to pickup. Pajamas? I just think that's her going down hill..... DS11 bd always looks like hell but he got really fat this past time... he obviously had enough to eat. It's really too bad he doesn't realize that half the reason I don't gain weight is because if I know we are running low on cash I will skip eating (and I have sugar issues so this is a problem)

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 12:22AM
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I called about my hearing with ds11 bd today. They were so so rude to me!! I'm so sick of them speaking to me like I'm him. I'm not the criminal here, he is, the one sitting in jail NOT taking care of the son, NOT making sure he's fed and clothed. I get a measly $51 per week and would like to receive it upon his release, actually, upon his release I want a review. They acted like I'm asking for the thousands those tramps who sleep with NBA players get. UGH! So frustrated. I sent the prosecutor an email telling him that I don't appreciate being treated like I am the wrong one. We will see if I get a response.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 11:56AM
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As for the taxes my ex and I disagreed one year on who should claim ds. It was the year we split up. We both went and claimed him (he filed first so he got the money right away). Then we both got a letter from the IRS saying one of us needed to amend our taxes because we could not both claim ds. IF one of us did not do so then we would both be audited and have to prove which one of us was supposed to claim him.

So if your taxes are pretty easy each year and your court paperwork is in order showing you should be claiming the child I would not worry if she tries to claim the child as well. You can both claim the child and when she gets the letter in the mail from the IRS she will probably fold since she is in the wrong.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2011 at 11:31PM
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