How do I deal with bad parenting.
I was 44 and had never been married or a parent when I married a man with 2 daughters. Since he and their mother had been divorced over 10 years and she had long ago remarried, I didn't really experience too much resistence from the girls. However, because of the divorce my husband had over-indulged the girls, this is something he readily and openly admits. Now at 19 and 22 they are ill-mannered, disrespectful, lazy, inconsiderate and unappreciative. My husband has given them both cars and continues to pay for the insurance, registration and maintenance. He also provides them both with cell phones with unlimited everything.
When they come to visit it's usually with hands out and palms up. Our home has become a "quicky mart" where they take what they please without asking. Initially I politely asked them to please let me know when they were taking something, especially if it belonged specifically to me, they didn't. Then I told them to ask me if they needed something, they didn't. My second request only got me cussed out by the older girl. It's at the point where I sat them both down and told them that if they couldn't respect the rules my things then my things are completely off limits to them. Because of that request I was ignored whenever I spoke to them for the next 2 weeks.
Although they do not live with us their visit have come to cause me so much stress and anxiety that I just retreat to the bedroom. They refuse to eat anything unless their father cooks it and after an hour and half drive home he's rarely in the mood to cook so we go out to eat. When they are over they are constantly bickering and slamming doors and my husband just sits and says nothing.
When their father and I first started dating I thought "what pretty girls" they were very cute, now one has peacock blue hair and the other blond on the front of her head and brown in the back. Both have tattoes and are stretching their earlopes. They burp and say nothing, they pick their noses in a room full of people, they expect to be waited on by others and it's a battle to get them to clean up after themselves. I hate to admit it but I'm embarassed to be seen out with them.
I love my husband, but I fault him for their behavior, I don't like being around them because they are often rude and hostile. I was raised to respect my elder, say excuse me when I burped and offer to help clean up when in the home of others. I've tried to tell my husband that he's not teaching them to be responsible adults but he doesn't seem to care. They want for nothing and appreciate nothing.
All of this has finally start to come between my husband and I. I don't want to be around the girls and this hurts my husbands feelings. But on the same token I am hurt by their rudeness and their disrespecting me in my own home. My husband and told me that he knows they are spoiled rotten but he isn't going to change anything in the way he treats them and they aren't going to change because their is no call for it.
I'm not sure how to even end this...I see little hope and I feel completely defeated. Perhaps I just needed to vent in a forum where no one knows me.