Question about SK'd clothes

jess3September 23, 2009

Is it wrong of us to buy them certain clothes that are to stay at our house?

the reason behind it is that the last few times we have had them they did not bring "going out of the house kinda clothes" if you will. They did not have proper clothes to go to dinner, church or anything else we may have wanted to do for that matter. The crazy part is he pays $3000/mo alimony $1000/mo CS and still gave BM another $1000 for school clothes for 3 kids. They have plenty of very nice trendy clothes. For some reason she only packs gym shorts & T shirts which they need because we are at the ball field alot but they also need the nice ones sent.

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poppingrays

I don't think it's wrong. I'm sure BM is probably thinking the same way you are, the kids might leave their nice clothes at Dad's house so she's not sending any, doesn't want to keep replacing them. Definitely the easiest thing to do is buy some for your house and just gently explain to the kids that they need to stay there so they will have them to wear the next time they come over. Nothing wrong with that...

    Bookmark   September 23, 2009 at 4:15PM
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lovehadley

Nope, not wrong at all.

We have SS 50% of the time and we certainly have clothes that we keep at our house. We have "lost" too many things when they've gone to BM's, and we've also been in that position where we had nothing appropriate for him to wear.

It actually just happened---Sunday--at the spur of the moment, my mom called and asked did we want to go with them for dinner at their country club. It was a chilly evening and SS needed pants to wear. We had NO pants except jeans and trackpants! The poor guy had to wear nice khaki shorts, which would have been fine, but his legs were definitely a little cold. :(

I know I bought him some tan cargo pants and a dress pair of khakis on sale at the end of last school year---so I am sure they must both be at BM's. SIGH.

BM has had the same problems at her house, as well, when we've had a particular item she needs or wants.

It is just hard and there is nothing wrong with having a few items that stay at one house.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2009 at 5:27PM
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jess3

Thanks! I appriciate it.

We are going shopping this weekend and i will have my DH explain to the kids about the clothes. They should be fine. They are old enough to understand They were embarrased to have to wear gym shorts to dinner and we did not have time to get them anything else to wear.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2009 at 11:19AM
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mom2emall

In a perfect world kids could bring clothes back and forth. Unfortunately it can add unneeded stress. I send clothes with my son to his dads house and have learned not to send clothes I may need or really like because at times things have gotton lost.

When my skids would see their mom we often got nothing we sent back. It got so ridiculous that my sd's bras they wore there would "disappear" while they were sleeping and they would come home without them!

    Bookmark   September 24, 2009 at 1:30PM
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kkny

Actually my Ds bras, along with the rest of her underwear, disapper all the time. Search high and low. I give up.

In any event, nothing wrong with keeping a few outfits at home. My suggestion for younger kids is the minute they show up, ask them to get changed, wash what they came in, and put it back on them when they go home.

Peace.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2009 at 3:07PM
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stargazzer

I think it would be nice to have a whole set of clothes at your house so they don't have to bring anything except personal things like music, movies, ipod, etc..

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 8:48AM
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justmetoo

Stargazzer, that is what it is like for my grandson. He pretty much has two and three of everything. No clothes go back and forth except for outfit he is wearing at pick-up.

He has clothes at my house and his great-grandmas and he has clothes at both dad and mom's houses. He does bring his backpack with a movie or game he wants to share with dad if it's new, but dad and him pretty much have their own little stash of downtime entertainment already at dad's or they do a lot of outdoor activities where dad has all the supplies.

My son sent money for school clothes to BM (as did also myself and great-grandma, no we mother nor I are not asked to or expected to, we just do). As BM has little to do besides shop with girlfriends and plenty of money to spend, she was told to spend the money on clothes or stick it in grandson's savings. Then we all also buy clothes ourselves for grandson to have on this end. It just got to be too much trouble to take things so many places and to get it all washed and ready to go back in time--who wants to spend their 'together' time doing laundry.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 9:38AM
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mariealways

DD doesn't have anything at her dad's but I wish she did as everything I send there disappears. Its gotten to the point that I will not let DD take any of her really nice clothes and absolutely no electronics or toys on visits. Her dad refuses to buy clothes and toys and such for her to keep at his house though.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 10:36AM
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lamom

hmmm...don't know if this is relevant to your question but SD36 often complains that when the grandkids, 8 and 2 are sent to spend a weekend at her house that they are usually sent without proper or even clean clothes. She feels that this is a tactic to get her to buy them new clothes! I think she is right.

She finally starting keeping an extra set at her home too. I don't do that, whatever I buy when they come I send home with them since I think that's why they are being sent like that. Just part of the game I think. Anyway, the kids need to be dressed properly so I take that in to account when they are involved. I always know that I will have to wash their clothes and probably buy them a few things.

Par for the course. Save money and aggravation by getting things that stay at your house.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 11:01AM
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jess3

I like the idea of them not bringing any clothes. KK good idea, I am sure thier mother would appriciate not having a buch of dirty laundry when they get back.

They dont normally leave clothes at our house its more homework, books, contacts/glasses the stuff thats really important. LOL

There really good kids, I consider myself lucky.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 4:12PM
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crazydyz8

We have a complete wardrobe for SS at our house. When he goes to bed his first night here, he takes his clothes off, folds them up, and puts them off to the side. Then we know which clothes he came in and those are the clothes he goes home in.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 4:33PM
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stepmomof4

No. They have clothes here and clothes at BM's. Sometimes clothes go back and forth because the clothes do belong to the kids. You can't tell them they can't take their favorite shirt (for example) with them, or that they can't wear the shirt mom bought them when they are at your house. If there are specific things you want to make sure don't go with them, then keep track of those things. If the child is old enough you can explain it to them too.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2009 at 12:53PM
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lamom

Just wanted to add, this weekend SS29 decided to just leave his kids with us for an overnight without any fresh clothes, diapers or toiletries, just the dirty clothes on their backs. I had forgotten that I had some extra clothes for SGS 8 1/2 but they were still winter clothes(sweatshirts, cords) and had to run out and buy some!!

I sent most of them home with the kids when they left since they were in obvious need again but I am now keeping some in stock just in case. which I think the case will be anytime they come over. LOL

    Bookmark   October 3, 2009 at 3:06PM
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sylviatexas1

Y'all're so civilized.

My ex's brother & sister-in-law were not civilized.

Ron had left his wife (the devoted mother of his children) for a woman from work.

who got pregnant faster than Princess Di.

The first wife hadn't worked outside the home since her marriage at age 17, Ron being one of those guys who said, "No wife of mine is going to work".

& they'd been married for about 12 years.

So she had to start from scratch taking secretarial courses to qualify herself for a job.

The last time I saw Ron was at his mother's Christmas party, just about 2 months after he moved out, so his wife or ex-wife had no income of her own; she was completely dependent on him for everything.

The new wife, all of about 20 minutes pregnant, kept rubbing her tummy & moaning & rubbing her back.

(Can you tell how well I liked her?)

The kids were subdued, to say the least.

When they came in to tell everyone goodnight, I was shocked at their nightclothes.

They looked like street urchins.

The girl's nightgown was about 10" too short, & it was so worn-out you could almost see through it, & the little boy's "pajamas" were long underwear, stained & ugly.

Their mother would *never* have sent them out looking like that.

I must have looked shocked, because their new stepmother said, "We can't keep them in good clothes. *She* sends them to us with nothing, & whatever we buy them never comes back to our house (duh, they'd been married less than 2 months, & they'd moved to Oklahoma!), & *we* (!) pay *her* enough money to buy clothes."

That was probably 25 years ago, those kids undoubtedly have half-grown children of their own by now...
but it was so tacky & so vicious that I still remember it.

I'm proud of y'all for being gracious & reasonable & all those other good adjectives.

Well done.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2009 at 3:34PM
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