back for advice again

MrsProffit25September 19, 2011

Hello everyone its been a long while.

Things have been ok with SD up un till this past weekend.

In our court order it states BM can pick up SD early on saturday the 17th for a family wedding - the only reason the judge ok'ed this was because BM assured him that her father (a sex offender) wouldnt be attending the wedding. It also states in our court order "the maternal grandfather shall not be around the minor child untill further order of this court" well.... SD came home sunday and complained about how boring the wedding was yadda yadda then she blurts out "oh i got to meet mommys dad' our head turned so quick but all we said was yea?... and she said yea i dont like him he grabbed my hands really tight and wouldnt let go - then she stopped and said... "i dont want to not be allowed to see my mom anymore!" like she was told not to tell us or that would happen. we left it alone and the only thing i could think to do was have DH call cps.. i know they cant enforce a court order but they can figure out what all happend at the wedding and DH would have documentation. CPS showed up this mornign DH was at work and i was getting SD ready for school. She went and spoke with SD and then me. she said there isnt much she could do but she would talk to BM then SD comes in the room and says look this is what mommys dad did to me. she had a red mark on her hands. she had not shown this to dh or myself. i emailed out attorny about the cps. then i just went on face book and found pics of the wedding. i sent 2 phots to dh lawyer. 1 of the bride with BM dad(sex offender) and one of bride with sd. is this worth bringing to the courts attention? is it wa waste of money i hear she will jsut get a slap on the wrist (like always)...

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Mrs. P, not a peep out of you all summer, glad things have been fairly peaceful for you.

Now, just what did theis guy do that to this child's hands that has left marks still two days after event? I'd think that was way more than 'grabbing on to her hand'. Seems more like vise gripping the child by the hand and holding on wiht extreme severe strenght. Perhaps as in child was trying to get away from him and he would not let her.

You did right in notifying CPS and our attorney. Even if all they can do is let her know they are watching her for right now, you don't want the incident to go undocumented. If SD said 'I got to meet Mom's dad' it sounds like it is the first time SD has actually been around him. It's one time too many of course but maybe with CPS talking to BM and warning her this social event of the wedding will be a one time meeting. Thank goodness it was an event with lots of other people so the guy could not be alone with SD. Be sure to have your DH speak to daughter about 'unwanted touches' and being okay to call out loudly if someone ever tries to touch her wrong and/or get her alone.

Your DH has every right to call CPS on BM and to have the event documented. BM knows it was wrong, lied about the guy going to be there and snubbed her nose at the court order.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2011 at 4:48PM
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What do you want to happen? (be honest)

Realistically, I don't imagine you'll be able to get more than a slap on the wrist, if that... But I can certainly see why you'd be upset. and why you might want to limit contact with BioMom in unsupervised situations. Have there been any other hints of Grandpa trouble?

I'd also consider talking to SD about this particular Grandpa - and about other people who touch inappropriately or just plain 'give her the creeps.' She needs to be taught to listen to her own instincts and protect herself from situations where she feels uneasy.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2011 at 4:55PM
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yes, we spoke to her about it around easter time when we thought BM was sneaking SD to go visit him - i posted about that before. SD asked what he did to a little girl but i dont know to really explain it. We just told her about good touch bad touch. But i know BM tells her differently and that DH is lying to her. What do I want to happen? I want to judge to recognise he fell for her bs first of all (mostly for self graditude bc i was so angry with his decisions) but maybe for the judge to realise that BM does not have sd best interest in mind. She doesnt feel she needs to protect her and she doesnt care about a court order. IDK what all he can do. I have never been in this situation before nor my DH. that what i am asking - if anything can be done... i asked attorny but she has not emailed back yet. I mean there is a court order for a reason so what happends when its violated? nothing? then why even have one?...

    Bookmark   September 19, 2011 at 5:42PM
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It doesn't seem like the judges ever want to do anymore then slap them on the wrist. It's so frustrating. I went through that for 11 years trying to just get support. Did CPS see the mark on her hands? If so, they still can't do anything about that? How old is your sd again? She really shouldn't be coming to you saying she doesn't want to not be able to see bm.... her bm is definately feeding her lines and isn't she just way too young for that?

    Bookmark   September 19, 2011 at 6:32PM
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I'm betting sex offender and a court order and contempt could land her back on supervised visits. I think what you did was right AND I think your attorney will have the best answer as far as if it's worth it to try for contempt.

How did the summer go? Is this the first contempt of any of the order?

I'm in a bad mood so sorry so short but these parents that break the court orders need some serious consequences!! Our children are constantly put in the middle and someone needs to stop them!

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 12:48AM
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Slap on the wrist or not, it IS worth bringing to the court's attention. It is a SERIOUS violation if the court has already made an order that the child is NOT to be around this sex offender & it was clearly violated. You have EVIDENCE in the form of pictures.

As for the consequences... I would say don't worry about what the court does to her. They may do nothing, they may limit her contact. The court will consider what is best for the child but they can't do that unless ALL the facts are presented. If you do not make the court aware that she put the child in this sex offender's presence & then tried to hide it (and tell the child to lie or hide it), then the court will never consider it now or in the future. If this is the first violation, it may lead to nothing. But if there is a history, they will take it more seriously... and at the very least, it will be noted for future.

I would not pursue it with any other intention than to let the court have the facts & let the court deal with it. If you don't expect them to throw the book at her, then you won't be disappointed if they do nothing.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 1:03AM
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OMG! So BM ex bf who you have heard me talk about in the past who at that time was her current bf sent my dh a pic of SD SITTING ON THIS GUYS LAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very very heated... still havent heard back from attorny she can be slow sometimes but hey she is cheap =/.. summer went ok.. we had court end of july and the judge agreed to summer visits being every other weekend from sat night to tue night. but bm attorney was slick and added in every tue including the off week and then he did her percentages lower for child support/ med costs. We just told attorney to agree it wasnt worth the money because regardless she wont ever help with medical.. still ahsnt paid her half of the med bill from april. of course there was still arguing with dh and bm because she says stupid things to sd. but i really felt like we made progress because on thursday bm and i (yes me because i can tolerate her stupidity more than my dh) were trying to figure out a good time for bm to pick sd up for the wedding. I told bm sd has her first soccer game. we had finally found a sport that she could do that wouldnt ever interferre with bm's time bc honestly we cannot rely on her to take sd if it was on her day. she didnt want to let sd play her first game. we told sd she had the wedding to go to so she would have to miss the first was very upset and wanted to call bm so i let her. she totally told her mom off. dh and i never allow her to talk to adults like this but if her mom allows it so be it i wont stop it. SD made it clear she wanted to go to the game and bm was like soocer really? you dont even like soccer. like talking bad to sd about soccer and sd LOVES soccer!! i felt bad but then.... bm said well everyone wants to meet you! and sd flat out said OH WELL!! i was like SCORE! for the first time EVER sd told her mom she wanted to do something with us instead! maybe i shouldnt be this happy about it but im thrilled!! She let sd go to the game. After the game sd heard me talking to a friend on the phone about going to the museum sd got so excited and i had to explain to her that she had a wedding to attend. she begged her mom to let her go to the museum but bm said no. sd was very upset. sd told her mom
"i dont want to go to the stupid wedding i want to go to the museum!!". when sd came home she asked us about the museum and dh told her we will make time to take her soon! but 2 times in one week she told her mom she wanted to do something with us! i was feeling so unappreciated by sd like nothing we did was good enough so this just made my day - like sd really wants to do things with us! she mentioned tonight that she wants to see the new movie about winter the dolphin - so i want to plan this surprise for her where we go watch the movie then go visit winter at the aquarium bc the movie was filmed 15 min from here! she will be thrilled - now im rattling. myfam - yes this is the first contempt since this new court order and the first that we have such awesome proof. im so aggravated that in a way - we cant protect sd the way we should be able to... im scared for her...

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 1:18AM
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Be sure CPS also gets a copy of the photo with SD sitting on sex offenders lap. I hope someone took pics of the red marks on the child's hands. I will assume CPS did this morning. Have DH follow up with the caseworker that there is additional 'proof' of physical contact with this man aka sitting on his lap. Perhaps the red marks which seemed to me earlier to be a 'vise grip' vs mere holding her hand is how the jerk got her to sit there and/or stay on there.

Bm might have gotten away with playing innocent and therefore 'not guilty' of violation by saying the exposure to the guy was accidental and she had no idea he was going to be at the could not prove she knowingly and willingly violated the 'this guy is a no-no' order. That 'accidental' meeting goes right out the window with the photo of SD sitting on guy's lap. While BM may have 'accidently' happened to be at an event the guy showed up at it was NO ACCIDENT that she allowed the guy to socialize with SD and to sit on sex offenders lap. She can't excuse that away and you have documentation per the photo of child on his lap and proof he 'restrained' the child tightly by gripping on to her hands.

While the guy may have indeed did nothing to the child, the entire incident shows BM has little concern for the safety of this child when it comes to protecting the kid from her sex offender father...or the inability to protect Sd from him, which ever. This behavior and complete disregard for CO concerning safety and well being of child could perhaps cause the court to rule on supervised vistations. Not the kind where Dh and/or you would supervise (like you mentioned in previous postings) but rather the kind where BM would be allowed a few hours of visitation only in a safe setting and supervised by a third party.

You did right to report this incident. What the heck is wrong with this BM that she'd not only violate the CO and take daughter to event and introduce her to Gpa but also let her sit on his lap.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 4:00AM
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"What the heck is wrong with this BM that she'd not only violate the CO and take daughter to event and introduce her to Gpa but also let her sit on his lap."

Because BM knows better than any judge in the land. Because BM is the girl's mother and she'd never do anything to hurt her child. Because BM's father has changed and/or the previous offense was a trumped up charge. Because BM is going to do whatever she da*n well pleases.

MrsP, I really hope CPS and/or your attorney can get supervised visitation back.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 9:54AM
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--"Because BM is going to do whatever she da*n well pleases".--

I'd push this far enough to include looking into what restrictions Gpa has if any concerning his allowence around children. Perhaps Gpa has violated conditions on his own behalf. If BM can't bring herself to protect her daughter maybe the courts can do something about removing Gpa.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 11:29AM
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mattie- that is exact attitude! but her words would be "she came out of my cooch not yours"! lovely.... a litle irratated i havent heard back from attorney. shot out another email and no cps did not take a pic of her hand..

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 12:37PM
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It's one thing to be introduced to nasty Grandpa in the middle of a crowded room at a family wedding. It's something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT to be sitting on his lap.

THAT photo needs to make it in front of a judge.

And Justmetoo's suggestion that Grandpa's actions may have violated his own legal restrictions may be something you want to look into. I don't imagine your local police are terribly fond of pedophiles. If you were to call them, explain the situation, and ask them to check into Grandpa's restrictions, they might be only too happy to oblige...

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 6:05PM
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i had contacted the county sheriffs office and they said they dont see any reason he cant be around children. he is not labeled a pedophile. just sex offender. the victim was 16 or 17

    Bookmark   September 20, 2011 at 6:29PM
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