My nomination for Worse Mother of the Year
When I met BM, I thought "Hey, she's nice!" and "Isn't it great she and DH get along.. not fight like many ex's?" But, I was so fooled....
Over the course of the last four years... she has shown her true colors. It seems the minute DH and I got engaged and moved in together, she has had it out for me. Besides her attacks on me, she has included my adult kids in her accusations. She has proven herself a liar in court and now her BF is finally onto her. (She's saying she's pregnant now that he wants to cut her free... lol, after she told DH a few years ago she had a surgery and can't have kids anymore. hmmm)
But, she gets the prize for worse mother of the year! (of the decade really!) I can totally understand her not liking me (though I don't know what precipitated it) or if she doesn't like DH... or maybe she doesn't want to see him happy with someone else... I get that she may have a problem with us and she doesn't have to like us... but when she takes it out on her own daughter... WTF?
In the last three years, she has:
** Ruined her 8th birthday by starting a fight with DH over the cost of her birthday party. That day, she started a 5 month long contested and bitter custody trial.
** She spent the next 5 months telling SD that DH was trying to take her away and she will never let that happen. She had SD yelling at DH to stop doing this to mom. (taking mom to court)
** A week after the trial, school was starting but BM was too busy with new BF to take SD shopping for school clothes, so I took her. (and paid, BM says she has no money)
** Two weeks after the trial, BM meets BF and moves 3 hours away during DH's week with SD. She doesn't tell us OR SD she is moving. SD is crushed.
** BM spends the next few months, canceling weekends to be with her new BF (isn't new love grand?) and cutting the weekends short when she did take her, by leaving her with her grandma so she could go back to be with BF sooner.
** When SD asks BM why she left, BM tells her daddy took you away from me and promises her that she (SD) can come live with her next year. SD goes around telling everyone at school that she is going to live with mom. (Of course, mom never discussed it with dad and it never happened... leaving SD to look foolish, like she lied) We got to deal with SD's anger, which BM kindly redirected at us.
** BM refused to allow DH to sign SD up for activities because it would 'infringe' on HER time... yet she participates several days a week with BF's kids and when SD is with her, she schleps her off on grandma and BF's parents... and goes to BF's kids' games. We get to deal with her tears and anger when that happens.
** On SD's 9th birthday, she promised to celebrate with her on the next weekend.. but then decided to leave SD with BF's parents and go out with BF. We got to deal with her crying breakdown after THAT visit. (and according to SD, she never did celebrate SD's birthday with her)
** When the issue of child support came up, BM began to make allegations that I am abusing her daughter. She says my son threatened her daughter with a knife. She dropped the allegations once support was ordered against her. Apparently, the supposed 'abuse' was no longer an issue.
** She promised SD she'd come to every track meet & buy her some new running shoes. She then gave DH a check when we picked her up so he could get the shoes (after SD had been with BM all weekend and they could have gone together to pick them out) and the next day, BM called Child support to say she gave DH a direct payment... which was the money for the shoes. She never made it to one track meet... she had a new excuse each time. None of the reasons were ever her fault.
** She ruined SD's 10th birthday by actually coming to get her. She spent the day calling DH, instead of focusing on celebrating with SD, then she left 4 hours early, leaving SD with grandma who proceeded to pick a fight with me in my driveway over a pair of missing pants.
** She started a new court battle just after Easter because child support was on her about the arrears. She again had all these 'abuse' allegations and coached SD to say horrible things about me and my kids.. and this time even DH was a target of the lies. She kept SD thinking all summer that BM was going to get custody and then she did nothing the court ordered, so it is forever pending.. until she can pay or the evaluation that was ordered because the mediator refused to form an opinion. I'm sure she knew BM and SD were lying so she referred it to a full evaluation. Now BM says it isn't gonna happen because it costs almost $6k and she doesn't have that kind of money.
and in between all this crap, BM has lied to SD countless times and keeps SD in constant turmoil. We've put her in counseling and done everything we can to help her deal with the roller coaster her mom has her on. So, SD will remain with us until hell freezes over because that's when I presume BM will do anything she is supposed to...
The reason for today's vent? I am thoroughly disgusted and instead of telling her what I think of her in a blog, which she will surely read... I am venting here. (It does no good to tell her how she's hurting her daughter, she is so angry and hateful toward us, she doesn't seem to care if her daughter is suffering because of it!)
Since SD came back a few weeks ago for school, BM has not responded to any of DH's emails. He informed her about back to school night, she didn't go. He informed her about SD's activities, her only response was that she is taking DH back to court if SD is signed up for anything that infringes upon her time with SD. (DH offered to pick up SD for the activities and let BM make up lost time on his weekends or vacations, so BM would not be losing precious time... that she usually doesn't use anyways because she leaves SD with grandma and BF's parents.) We have not even asked BM to help pay for baseball, swim or dance lessons, I am paying those out of MY pocket because SD really wants to do these things. BM completely ignored DH's request for her to pay half the bus fee. We expected that, but it's $195 and BM hasn't paid a penny in child support since July, so even if she'd pay part it would be nice. We bought all her school supplies and clothes, so he would be happy if BM would pay anything at this point... even just her ordered child support of $216 mo. (not a lot but it would help!) So, here's my frustration today... SD has to play an instrument for school. They play for 5th and 6th grade and the school has limited 'loaner' instruments and we figured if she will need it for two years, it might be cheaper to buy one than rent. So, DH is broke. He is paying the bus fee and so I offered to pay for half of the instrument if BM would pay the other half. I sent her a text message... here is what was said verbatim:
Ima: SD needs a clarinet for school & DH doesn't have the money for it. It's over $200 with the book & reeds. I'll pay half if you'll pay half.
BM: Is that for a brand new one? Let me check the music store up here. They sell used instruments really cheap.
Ima: That's fine but she needs it by Friday. A new one at Sam's Club is $200, but if you want to check out used ones, can you let me know if you find one by this afternoon?
BM: She needs it tomorrow and I just got a txt today? R U kidding
Ima: I can buy it here today if you can reimburse me for half on Sunday. I just figured she should get a new one since she's gonna need it for 5th & 6th grade anyways.
BM: Its funny to think that she will be living there then
Ima: She can play her clarinet wherever she might be living. Are you going to contribute or not?
BM: With what money? I will try and find one today.
UGH!!! It just disgusts me that a mother won't do a damn thing for her own daughter. She won't spend a freakin' penny and it will be interesting to see if grandma, who is 71 now and supposedly moved 3 hours away to where BM is living, will drive all that way (6 hours round trip) to come get SD tomorrow. I seriously doubt BM will come get her own daughter. She hasn't seen SD since the weekend before school started.. and hasn't called, except on BM's birthday... she sent DH a text to have SD call her so she can tell BM happy birthday.. then has SD ask DH to buy BM a gift too.