Silently SCREAMING!!

silverswordSeptember 28, 2011

DD goes to Hebrew school 2x a week, that's her dad's religion...

It's expensive. Really expensive. AND, they have to have a member of the family ALSO be a member of the Temple, so we have to pay my membership too (even though I'm not, technically, Jewish and am only there for DD).

The cost for me is $800/year. When X failed to pay that along with tuition, they got a hold of me, and I emailed him and said, I'll split it with you.

He's disgruntled, says that's a lot of money, but ok.

FINE. Right?

It's not THAT big of a deal. Except I want to email him back and say:

1. I drive DD to Hebrew twice a week. That's 60 miles (30 RT x 2). Let's say 25mpg = $4 (gal) x 2 (RT) = $8 per week x 30 weeks = $240 in gas (which is a low estimate)

2. I buy snacks for her turn. I buy supplies for her turn.

3. I am two towns away from my hometown during her school, and it's for 2 hours, so that's two hours I'm NOT doing something else.

4. I attend the extra functions (time). We attend Temple (at least 2 hours a week). I engage socially with people with whom I have nothing in common and endure interrogations (it feels like) about my life, etc.

NOT to mention, but I also pay for her music equipment rentals for band, her Girl Scout activities (and all gas/time-selling cookies we do approx. 2 hours per day of walkabouts). I also pay for her dance lessons AND do the mandatory volunteering for that activity which is approx. one hour per week. AND pay for her dance shoes, and clothing (which is expensive and really hard to find as it's regional dancing costumes).

I don't mind. I don't even really care. It just irritates the pea-waddin' out of me that he can heave a big *virtual* sigh "it's expensive".

Yeah. And he already told me that Hebrew is coming out of her college fund. WHATEVER. So he's not even really paying out of pocket.

And then he has the GALL to complain that he's SO BUSY and works 80 hour weeks.

Well, DUDE. I don't know anything about 80 hour weeks.

I work 40 hours at my *real* job. Then I pick up YOUR kid from school, do at least an hour of agonizing homework, take her to tutoring (because you couldn't be bothered to have her do it over the summer so she came back with barely rudimentary math skills even though you PROMISED this year you'd get her tutoring you didn't even have her do the worksheets I sent with her and let her play video games all summer). (deep breath)

Then I SIT IN THE PARKING LOT for an hour while she's in tutoring. Then I drive her home, in rush hour, for MORE homework.

Every single day DD has an activity (educational) of two hours that requires at least 30 minutes of driving/preparation. That's at least 12 hours extra tacked onto my week. Not including the shopping for supplies, the time spent with homework, etc.

I get up at five, and I go to bed at 10p. So I'm putting in 18 hour days. And no, not ALL of that time is spent on DD, but a good portion is.


It's not that I mind doing it. It's not that I mind the cost. It's not any of that. It's that HE THINKS HE'S BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY ME!! Somehow, he feels he got the short end of the stick.


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I feel your pain!

Question: Do YOU want your DD to go to Hebrew school? And do YOU care if she's raised Jewish or not?

If YOU don't particularly care about it, why split it with him at all? And why even take the time?

    Bookmark   September 28, 2011 at 7:23PM
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I agree with Sweeby-- DO you want this? I'm betting the answer is something like 'yes because it's part of Dd's father and something that is important FOR her'. Am I close?

I completely understand your situation especially on the religion front. Ex 'was' Catholic and so we 'agreed' to raise our children Catholic even though I am not. I wasn't raised anything and I wanted Dd to be raised 'something'. It was important to him and his family so I did what was required of me to make sure Dd was at mass on Sundays even when ex was working. Took the classes to convert, although I walked out on class # 3 as I just couldn't convert my beliefs at the adult age that I was. I did it all for Dd and exDH. And then that ass goes and changes his damn denomination without even telling me after we divorced. And there I was still doing all this for Dd and he was attending a 'Bible' church that is a branch of the Church of Christ. WtHeck? I was not too Happy to find I was still doing all of this for THEM, something I wasn't even really a part of. Wasting money and time and effort. Blah

So I feel ya! And those dance shoes are sooooooo expensive. Dd is taking three classes this year and the older they get, the more specialized the shoes become. Her tap shoes were $80!!!! And the ballet and jazz equalled $100 together. Not to mention the special leos and tights they require for each class AND the recital costumes are $100 each plus the fee to even be in the recital. But Dad pays child support so that should be enough right?!

Scream away hun, I'm screaming right there with you!!!

    Bookmark   September 28, 2011 at 8:21PM
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Thanks ladies. Hebrew school is awesome. The temple is fantastic. They teach so much history. I was raised for part of my life in Judaism so it's semi-familiar but I'm a shiksa for sure. DD LOVES it.

But I don't think we'll do it again next year. You can attend temple without being a paying member, you just can't attend the school unless your parent is a paying member.

Hence, all the big ticket items that are "free" to me as a member, I don't go to because they aren't age appropriate for kids (ie, really long). So it's pretty much a wash for me except for DD liking it so much.

What happened was she was asking questions about God. So I told her dad and with his agreement I found a good temple and bit my lip and my tongue and signed us up...


    Bookmark   September 28, 2011 at 11:31PM
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