BF and his boy's (this might be long)
Hi, I'm new here. I have been dating my BF for over a year and we recently desided he would be moving in with me. He basically was at the house all the time anyway. My BF has two boys - a 14 year old and a 8 year old. Two seperate marriages. He just recently received his divorce papers from his second marriage.
Anyway, I have a couple of problems with the 8 year old. I must add I have twin 16 yr old girls and as I have been repeatedly reminded boys are different than girls. I am trying to figure out how to express my frustration. I have two issues when it comes to the youngest. One with the BF and one with the child.
1st problem: When the BF and I started dating, he didnt want to tell his 8 yr old (then 7) that I was his girlfriend. He said he was too tender and would talk to him later. Now the problem I have with this is the kid test in the 'genusis' level at school. He is very very smart but it burns me that the BF wouldnt tell him about me. He constantly tells everyone how smart he is. So I cannot understand why he couldnt tell him. I am pretty sure that he knows mom and dad are getting a divorce. Because she is getting married next April and having a house built with her BF. I thought that maybe he may have told him that I was his girlfriend until the other day when he left the house and he wanted his son to go get in the car and waited for him to go out the door before kissing me bye. He didnt want to kiss me in front of him. I will add that I have honored his wishs and not told his son that I am 'his dad's friend' when he asked me if I were. I told him to ask his dad and told him that I liked his dad very much. Anyhow that is one problem I have ontop of the fact that he babies him. He is very short for his age and looks 6 not 8.
As for the boy, he get's into everything and does not listen at all. The BF is constantly getting onto him and telling him to stop this or that. I cannot tell you how many times we have told him the couch is for sitting and not jumping. I though after he broke a $60 clock I got on sale for $25 last Christmas he would stop but NNOOO. (I was working and my BF sent me a txt that he broke it and he spanked his butt.) It drives me crazy the stuff he get's into. I cannt tell you how much stuff they have broken or distroyed. I know my BF feels bad and sometimes he cannot replace what was broken due to (both of us) having tight finances at the moment. I know I havent said much about the 14 year old but he isn't that great either. I think my BF is naive and doesnt want to see that his oldest is lying sometimes. Last year he got in trouble at school and I am pretty sure he was the ring leader but his thing was "I dont know why the other guys didnt get in trouble." His dad believed him and thought that the school was using him for an example.
One last thing, I love my BF very much. We have been through some tough situations that I cant really get into and I know that he loves me just as much. The biggest problem I have is that I fear these two boys are going to be the thing that breaks us up. Meaning our relationship will end if things do not change.
I have sat down and discussed the problems with my BF and he came up with the rules that the boys will follow when they come to our house. I hate the feeling of dread knowing that they will be at the house. I have tried very hard to be understanding and patient but it just infuriates me that they do not listen. I mean you can correct them on something and they do the 'i'm sorry' then do it again 5 minutes later. My daughters hate for them to be at the house too. They stay in their rooms or find someplace to go just to get away from them.
I will say I am trying but want to know if anyone else out there has the same feelings or problems and what did you do about it?
I am sooo lost on what to do. And I could go on and on but this is probably way to long as it is. If I said something you dont understand - ask. I am very scared that these kids are going to be the end of us and I do not want that to happen.