When do you get concerned?

seekergalSeptember 29, 2010

My husbands children are in their early twenties, live on their own and have good jobs.

Things seem to be OK with them and their dad, but it appears they choose to withhold information...like his daughter is moving this weekend, and the only way we know this is because her boyfriend posted it on his Facebook page?

My husband just spoke with his daughter on Sunday, and she mentioned nothing about this!?

This isn't the first time we have found out about trips they took, etc... and other information via someone else. My husband speaks with his children often, and so it isn't as though there hasn't been opportunity for them to tell him things.

What's up with this?

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justmetoo

Okay, you did not give much again to base opinions on.

The children are grown up and living on their own. Is there a reason daughter might feel 'trouble' if she does not inform her father of her every motion? Is there reason to think the daughter has absolutely no intention of telling her father she has moved after the event? She's not leaving town, right? Dad is not paying for the move and/or place to live, right?

So maybe she decided this after she talked to dad Sunday.

I have no desire to read my children's social pages (they are adults)let alone my children's BF/GF pages. I'm sure they'd 'befriend' if I wanted but I don't feel much desire to do so. My kids and I speak all the time and drop by each other's homes, what they chit chat about and share with their 'friends' on a webpage I don't think should necessarily involve and/or concern me. My adult children do not have to tell me everything going on in their social life.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2010 at 11:57AM
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silversword

Yeah... I don't know. I agree with Just in that there isn't much here. I would tell my dad if we were moving, but we own our house so there would be more to tell... if I moved often, or if I were renting, or or or... there may not be so much of incentive to say something right off.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2010 at 12:11PM
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imamommy

haha.. when I was 20, my dad didn't know much about my life.. I didn't tell him I was pregnant with my daughter until he invited me to go water skiing. I couldn't lie to him, but I did not share details of my life. I moved a few times & never told him until he was coming to visit & needed to know where I was living.

I think a lot of young adults do that as a part of cutting the apron strings & gaining their independence. (not all, but I believe some do) They may want to do things on their own so they don't feel like they are needing mom or dad's approval.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2010 at 3:26PM
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jess3

I have to agree with the others. I dont tell my parents everything. When I was renting, I would plan to move and not tell them till last minute. Not becuase I was hiding anything just that it was my business. I did'nt need the great advice that had to give(I probably did, but didnt think so at the time). Same with taking trips, their business. If they want to share thats great, if they dont, well I dont think it means they are withholding information.

They are grown adults tha dont live with you, yet you seem to have alot of issues with them and the things they do or dont do. Be glad they are not knocking on your door all the time needing this or that. That they are not all in your business and you get to enjoy your husband all to yourself. Your lucky, be greatful.

I have 3 Skids, SS11, SD12, SD14. If I get a new purse they each have something to say about it. Want to know how much it cost and what are we buying them?

    Bookmark   September 29, 2010 at 5:43PM
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seekergal

Yes, you are right. When I think WAY back (years ago) when I was their age, I did the same thing.

It just seems that now, with SO many ways to keep in touch, Facebook, Cell phones, Email, etc... that there are more opportunities to communicate.

We (like MANY parents) are part of our childrens social network on Facebook - and they are part of ours! Yes, many adults are now getting involved with Facebook and Twitter, etc... It isn't unusual, and is very common. We aren't "spying" on them.

With people having cell phones, and not having a "land line" to depend on communications, we figure they see that we can still contact them where ever they are.

If they want birthday cards, and Christmas cards, etc... hopefully they will let us know where they are. Of course, people are doing even that via the internet now days.

Thanks imamommy for reminding us of our 'younger' days and ways. ;)

    Bookmark   September 30, 2010 at 10:18AM
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mattie_gt

It's possible that SD didn't even realize that she didn't tell Dad she was moving. To twenty somethings moving from one apartment to another isn't such a big deal, such as buying a new house might be to an older adult. And if she's been busy packing, trying to line up movers or friends to help, she may honestly have thought that Dad knew, and not realized she'd forgotten to tell him.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2010 at 11:28AM
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seekergal

Guess we shouldn't be too upset, several of their friends on Facebook have asked..."You're moving - when, where?"

We just felt that they might tell their father! ;)

    Bookmark   September 30, 2010 at 11:34AM
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silversword

Well, if several of their friends are asking "when, where?" it appears you aren't the only ones in the dark!!

    Bookmark   September 30, 2010 at 11:56AM
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kkny

Seeker, based on your other thread, where you and your DH asked his kids to include you on salutations, it seems to me that they may be annoyed with you controlling conversations and just want to back off. You seem to have a thin skin for your and dhs feelings but not so much for anyone else. If you and DH are going to in effect demand a "gift" (your words) that the kids address phone messages to you and DH, there is a risk they just wont call as much.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2010 at 1:38PM
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parent_of_one

I have to say that my DD is 22 and is completely on her own living rather far from me. she moves very often finding cheap apartments that are up to remodeling so she can rent for discount prices, she moves at least once/ twice every year, she always informs me and her dad when and where she is moving much ahead of time. She even tells us if she considers looking for something. She pays for everything herself. I cannot imagine under what circumstances she would not tell us an why?

We have no advice to give or opinion to offer, she does not live in the same area so we can't possibly advice anything.

I am in my mid 40s and cannot imagine not telling my parents when and where I am moving. It would be rather strange. My parents wouldn't offer any advice either.

I think there could be couple of reasons: SKs are not close to their father, SKs are trying to distance themselves from dad and SM, SKs know that dad and maybe SM offer advice or opinion, dad becomes upset or angry over things SKs share (SDs sometimes withhold information because SO gets upset over everything).

As about facebook or such, DD and Sds have social network memberships, facebook ro one of those, but I never want to check what they say or who they are talking to.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2010 at 3:33PM
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