Step Parenting Advice
My step son is driving me crazy!!!! It has gotten so bad that I can not stand to be in the same room with him. He is 14 years old and has become a master at playing mom and dad against one another. As soon as dad gets on his case about something he blames it on mom, and at BM house he is throwing dad under the bus. My husband is the most caring dad I have ever met, and our life together has been great until last year. We have 5 children between the 2 of us, I have 3 he has 2. I raised my 3 to be very independant and responsible, my 2 oldest are in the airforce, the younger of the 2 just made it onto Honor Gaurd. My youngest, a girl, is 12 and in her first year of Jr High. His oldest is 18 and in his first year of college. His youngest is 14 and in the 8th grade, one year ahead of my daughter. So where to start. Last year my SS started having trouble in school, when we went to his first parent teacher conference we found out that he was severly behind in school work in many of his subjects. We grounded him and made him stay home and work on past due work while we went to a cross country meet to watch his brother run. Bio-mom was there and asked where he was, my husband explained that he was home doing the work that he should have been doing long ago. She proceeded to call him and let him know that Dad and Step mom were way to hard on him. In reaction to his school work being behind she had her mother take him out for a special lunch. My husband asked SS if he thought we were being too hard on him and his response was "No, you just want me to was is expected of me" and "How am I going to learn if you don't set boundries" All phrases that we used when we set down with him to explain why he was being punished and how important his school work was. Needless to say that the school year just got worse and worse. At one point just before going to school for a parent teacher conference he told his father that he thought that he was going to make the honor roll (he had already had his conference with his monther earlier that day) We get to school and find out that not only did he not make the honor roll, he was still severly behind in his school work. In front of my husband and I he is ever so sweet to my daugher, he is her best friend, come to find out that when we are not home he is telling her that all the girls in his grade (one grade ahead of her) hate her. This year right before school started he told my daughter who was a little nervous about going into Jr High how hard it was and the only reason that he did poorly in the begining of the year was because the HUGE adjustment and how difficult it was,blah, blah, blah. I need to add here that they are not even going to a different school, just a different wing, they know all the teachers and their class mates are the same kids they have been going to school with since kindergarten, they are not being thrown into some huge school with 100s of kids from neighboring towns with unknown teachers in an unfamilar school. While I can understand a bit of trepadation it really should not completely mess up your grades (I went to the same school and had many of the same teachers) He did not tell her that the reason that he did poorly for the entire year was due to the fact that he consistantly did not do his school work. He is consistantly sweet as pie doing whatever you ask infront of you but behind you back he is doing just the opposite, a fact that I have called him on more than once. I let him know that I would have way more respect for him if he would come out and let me know he hated my guts or hated being grounded or was really flippin' mad about something instead of this sickly sweet additude in front of us but his actions speak volumes about how he really feels. I need some advice on how to get over this, I do not want this to ruin my marriage.