BM hasn't paid a penny for ANYTHING since May... when they took her tax refund. She stopped working when she had her new baby back in February so DH got a few payments when she was getting disability or unemployment for her maternity leave. In the meantime, she was charged & convicted of grand theft/embezzlement and spent one day in jail... has a fine & 3 years probation. (IMO, barely a slap on the wrist) But, isn't NOT paying your child support a violation of court order? My attorney says yes, but good luck getting a DA to file... so DH is going to file his own contempt charges for disobeying a court order. But that isn't the topic of my post, just an update where the support issue stands.
We put SD in a new school so she would be closer to my work & I could try to help her more. Unfortunately, she continues to lie to me... telling me work is turned in when it hasn't been... "oh, we did that in class!" and later find out she never turned it in... that is my biggest issue with SD... TRUST. She has been 'saving' assignments to work on at her mom's... even though they are due BEFORE she goes there. Then mom won't help her & she gets a zero. I sent BM a text message about SD's grades... DH refuses to communicate much with her about important issues, as he thinks it's pointless. Well, it was pointless because she ignored it. All of the teachers have set up a conference that we know BM won't come to. We are not trying to beat a dead horse, but we also realize that BM's lack of involvement is the crux of SD's problems.... she is doing everything possible to get her mom's attention. She has told us that and we have talked until we are blue in the face that she can't "MAKE" her mom get involved and she's only hurting herself. In one ear, out the other. She has 4 F's and a D. She isn't even trying.. she got a 35% on an open book test.
Anyway, BM made a big deal about getting SD on DH's weekend because her Aunt was coming from Hawaii to visit & she wanted SD there. It just happens that DH's grandparents are also visiting that weekend & he wants SD to see them too. So, everyone arranged a plan that would allow BM to have SD on Saturday & she would come back Sunday so we can get together with his grandparents Sunday evening. My opinion is that since BM was making such a big deal over this, maybe it would make SD feel like mom really wants her there.. that it's important enough to make all these arrangements. As annoying (to me) as it was that BM is getting DH to agree to give up his weekend... and getting him to drive to pick up SD at a special time and all, I thought it would be a good thing for SD's attitude about her mom. That made it worth it.
Well, last night DH hands SD the phone to call her mom & tells her that BM's aunt hurt her arm or leg so she won't be going to BM's after all. I'm a little irritated with DH for the way he broke it to her... I doubt he was thinking of how SD would feel once again being canceled by BM. To me, it was insensitive of him & he should have left it up to BM to tell her. In my opinion, they went through all the trouble to arrange the weekend, SD was looking forward to it & they could have kept the plan for SD to go see her mom. But, it doesn't surprise me that BM cancels the time with SD without a care about how SD feels... she hasn't been there for her in three years (maybe longer) and this just adds to all the problems I am having with SD... the attitude, the anger, & her constantly doing things to get the attention she craves from her mom (and dad). Now I am fighting the urge to tell BM what I really think. I know it won't do any good... she thinks she's a good mom & it would become about me & her disliking each other rather than about SD, which is what my problem with her really is.
I just needed to vent a little. I know BM won't come to SD's conference, she won't help with homework, she won't do ANYTHING... and IMO, the visitation with her is detrimental to SD's well being. I can't help but wonder if she never went over there, would she start to focus on her life here & herself? Or would it get worse? It seems so hopeless & feels like a helpless situation. Counseling doesn't help, she lies to her counselors. She is such a lost child, it's really so hard to watch.