What to do about wife and adult step-son

robert12009September 7, 2009

My problem with my wife and adult step son has got to come to an end one way or the other. I have helped her with him with thousands of dollars and he has never paid no money back. He lived with us for 16 months and never paid any rent or board. He has been out of the house for several months and now he has been kicked out of his rent house and has moved into our house with a girlfriend and baby. He has costed me ever since I have married her and that is going on 13 years. He has been the only problem that we have and she will take up for him no matter what. He just now has been working for 90 days on the longest job he has ever kept. I have had enough and would like some advice.

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stargazzer

You know what to do, she isn't going to change. As long as you hand out money, nothing will change. Close the wallet and she what she does. I wouldn't want anyone who would choose an adult child like that over me. When push came to shove in my marriage (one time) my husband came down on my side.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 5:55PM
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robert12009

I am working out of the country and cannot do anything about it till I get home. To top it all off he even got fired last Friday and she has not even told me yet. Someone else told me. This has been going on with him for 13 years off and on. It will not happen much longer. It drives me crazy.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2009 at 9:56AM
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robert12009

stargazzer,

Thanks you for your reply and I think that is the answer. Cutting the money off or making her get a job and then she want have the time to sit and worry about them or the grandbaby. Oh yea, he already got fired from his 90 day job as well. LOL

    Bookmark   September 19, 2009 at 7:44AM
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lamom

Robert,

My husband has a similar situation with his adult son, SS29 soon to be 30 and his ex-wife. Cutting money off to your wife might be pretty hard with big fall-out for you. But, cutting your stepson off is another matter.

Although you work out of the country you can say something like "when I come home I don't want SS there." I have a relative who did that with his brother-in-law and it worked. That puts them both on notice that the situation is unacceptable to you. You are out of the country so there is really not a lot you can do other than watch how much money you send.

After 13 years, she should know how you feel. My adult SS29 sounds a lot like your SS. I am lucky that mine has always fallen back on his mother instead of on his father that I am married to. Still JUST SAY NO! It works.

    Bookmark   September 21, 2009 at 3:36PM
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robert12009

lamom,
Either way she cannot win. I have told her that there will be no more money deals with him as I always loose and he never pays any money back, because he cannot keep a job and is always making bad choices. I will not keep this up with either one of them. He has a dad and a brother and neither one of them has anything to do with him as they both know that he is lazy. I have had enough and will not keep this up any longer. I have told her to get a job and open up her own account and I will take all the money away from her if anything happens ever again. If that makes her mad so be it. Then we will get a divorce if that is what she wants. Enough of dealing with stupid is enough.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2009 at 3:26AM
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lamom

Robert,

I feel your pain. I'm not sure, is a divorce from your wife what you want or from the stepson? She is a mother, she will always love her baby. That doesn't mean you can't love her. yep, 2 cents for your wife.

This other adult, your stepson, is another matter. Cutting him loose is the best idea. Cutting them Both loose, I'm not sure how you feel about.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2009 at 1:14PM
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