When should we tell BM about wedding?
I'm appreciative of the support and the advise that this Forum provides. This is the first time I've posted a question.
Unfortunaly - BM has never accepted my relationship with her ex-husband. The kids are so young, but are often often put in the middle. (SS is 5yrs old, and SD is 3yrs old). My son is 11. We've work hard in providing our children with a loving, stable home. We've come to the conclusion that we can only control what happens in our home, and we strive daily to show all our children how much we love them.
BM is unstable, and still holds a lot of anger. Last year we had to lay criminal charges due to her breaking into our home to try to take the kids (it was our weekend to have them). We were reluctant in pressing charges, but we also felt that it was important to set up boundaries. Her parents (just as unstable as BM) were with her, and her father was charged with assault, and her mother was charged with forcible entry.
Long story short - DH and I are getting married in three weeks. We've explained to the 5 yr old that we're engaged, but haven't told him that the wedding is coming up, due to the fear of BM reaction (example - with holding the kids from us that weekend, or even showing up at the ceremony). We're having an intimate ceremony with only 30 people, and our children will be involved in the wedding.
When is a good time to inform BM of the changes in SS and SD's life? We feel it's important that she hears it from DH and NOT the children.