parallel universe

mom_of_4August 31, 2009

So, I feel like DH and I are living in a parallel universe with BM right now. It is seriously strange. I posted about a month or so ago that BM brought up at sd's bday party that she wanted to move to Texas at the beginning of next year. DH and I were in our own little panic because of the possibility and we took the advice of (cant remember who on here but someone) and got the papers drawn up to at least change the divorce decree to reflect the actual situation right now. Well... her version of the situation...50/50 right down the middle no child support going either way. We are presenting the papers to her soon. Hopefully, that will go over well. That will at least give us a leg up if she decides to try and move. But, in the mean time things have been very odd. Bm has been ridiculously copperative. We decided that we wanted to move to the other side of town and move the kids to the school in our area. In the past this would have been a serious area for contention but BM merely said ok. She blew off child support and doesnt get it at all right now. She "knows we cant afford it so no big deal" ((very odd)) For the first time ever (and I do mean ever) she bought school supplies and school clothes this year. But, to add odd to odd instead of keeping anything at her house she sent all of the school supplies to me. She then tried twice to send all of the school clothes to our house as well. (we were caught off guard at the time and told her to just keep what she has at her house ... because "wont you need it for when the kids are with you?") She has been super nice and chatty with me lately. Which was always a big no no with her (and was totally fine with me) Then she called DH to say that he could just go ahead and claim all three kids on his income tax this year she didnt need it. Normally each claims one child and they rotate the middle child from year to year. This year would have been her year to claim two kids. So, needless to say that is a lot of money she is just giving away. We even approached her with the fact that with me going to school in the evening starting at the end of the month there may be an occasion that if DH is stuck in traffic or at work the kids may need to stay home alone for a small amount of time. We fully expected her to throw her usual fit and want them to go to her which would have been fine with us... we were expecting it. Her response was "oh no I understand whatever you have to do" And, to top it all off when she and I were at the kids school the other day (the only time she has ever been there ... never even checked the school out when we offered) She brought up to me that "we" needed to get a notorized letter allowing me to make medical decisions for the kids. This from the woman who once threw a fit because I was going to take them to a dentist appointment she made and then decided she couldnt take them to. And then again through a fit because I picked out the doctors on our insurance plan for the kids... actually my insurance plan.

It is such an odd turn around that DH and I are basically spinning. It is like we are on the edge of our seats waiting to see what is going to happen next. I almost feel like she is going to skip town on her own and is just setting things up so she doesnt feel guilty for doing so.

Oh, and just a little side note ... I went to her myspace the other day and realized she 'friended' she ex boyfriends baby's mama. Which, is the same woman she followed in her car to catch her driving on a suspended liscense and called the cops on her to get her arrested and repeatedly told the kids and everyone else how awful a person she was and how bad a mother she was. Apparently she sent her a birthday wish Weird Weird Weird

I cant even begin to know what to make of all of this. I would like to kick back and say YEAH things are going our way... but that would be just to easy. Thoughts?

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gerina

Do you think she could be suicidal or ready to go postal and get herself killed in the crossfire? Could she have been recently diagnosed with something serious? It sounds like she is taking care of business for some reason of finality.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2009 at 10:59PM
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imamommy

The first thought I had is that she is buttering you and DH up so he won't put up a fight when she wants to move away with the kids. But, then as I continued reading, it almost sounds like she isn't planning to take the kids with her, so she's playing nice because she plans to leave the kids with you. (maybe she fears if she isn't nice, it will be harder for her to see the kids) or like Gerina said, maybe she has some other plans.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 12:52AM
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yabber

Let's just hope she won the lotto?

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 4:15AM
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organic_maria

I agree with ima here. As i read more the more it became apparent she will leave without the kids. Hence the notarized note giving you permission for doctor appointments. This is serious power giving here and she has no intentions of taking her kids with her (ie the 50 / 50) and the buttering would be that you would not chase her for CS when you guys get 100% because she is so co-operative with everything now and she's basically saying yes to all you do. Ie claiming all the kids on taxes...etc..etc...
so she is buttering you up for her not to pay CS when she leaves and doesn't have the kids at all.
Are you fine with her doing that? Leaving and not paying CS when you guys have them 100% of the time.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 8:22AM
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finedreams

could be she just being nice but could be she is pretending to be nice so there is no fight in case she does soemhting (moves with kids or without kids).

let me tell you a story about becoming that nice all of a sudden.

My SO and his X had their marriage falling apart, then all of a sudden one day X tells him she wants to spend nice weekend doing fun stuff wiht him, so hopefully it will mend their relationship and help their marriage. He was happy. She bought tickets to comedy club (SO still cannot walk by that club wihtout getting angry) and reserved fancy restaurant. It was on Sunday. She was laughing and happy in a club and SO got so excited, and then fun at a restaurant and then they went home and watched a movie, SO said she was happy and fun, then she said let's work on our marriage.

SO had to leave for a business trip for 2 days next day. He went on a trip happy like a clam. Called from a trip she answered the phone was very loving on the phone, nothing suspicious.

His older DD didn't live at home anymore but younger was still at home, still a minor, last year in high school, but she had to be elsewhere on a trip, it was a school break.

When SO came back and opened a door, his house was completelly empty wiht the exception of a bedroom set and kitchen table. Not only furniture, but also dishes, books, everything form the walls. he thought it was a robbery, then he sees X is not there, he calls her cell no answer, called kids, nobody knew nothing, what do you mean house is empty?

then both DDs got emails from mom that mom left dad and lives at such and such address. Younger DD came home and actually went straight there to see what is going on and turned out she lives wiht the man (TOM), they rented apartment together and planned the weekend when SO is gone and DDs are not there and packed up and left, obviously they rented moving truck because of all the furniture.

Knowing SO she knew he would not start fighting over furniture or other stuff. When I met him his house was still empty, like a hotel. Then he got an email from her stating that she is gone to TOM and she doesn't give a damn because it is a community property state and she gets her half no matter if she cheated or not (TOM is the same guy that i decsribed passed out by the pool, fell drunk on the floor at DD's wedding and pushed me out of the way and messed up my hair).

So if the person all of a sudden so sweet then it is suspicious and I would be careful what comes next.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 8:27AM
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quirk

My first thought was the same as gerina, it sounds like she it getting her affairs in order, could she be ill or considering suicide?

But plenty of other possibilities.

She is planning to move without the kids and is being nice now to try to avoid issues and/or guilt when she does.

She is planning to take off with the kids and deliberately trying to make you think she's planning to leave the kids with you so you won't be on guard against her taking them.

She is in some kind of trouble with the law and either planning to "disappear" between now and whenever trial date is or expecting to get prison time and getting her affairs in order before that happens.

She has found religion/got counseling/otherwise trying to turn her life around and actually trying to do the right thing? (i know, i know, but it does happen)

Is she married? If a divorce is in the works, she might prefer to let you and DH have the child support and tax breaks leaving less $ to split in the divorce. Then after divorce is final, she could ask to reinstate child support, claim all 3 on taxes next years, etc.

Regardless, it's never a bad idea to be suspicious of sudden personality changes.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 10:02AM
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ashley1979

Yeah........I wouldn't trust a single thing that woman says, except where it benefits you. And if you do take anything from her and get permission to consent to medical treatment, get her to sign something that says she willingly gave it to you.

BM did the same thing to DH. She was all nicey nice while she was lying and getting SD to lie about moving. I told DH all of this, but he can't see anything through his rose-colored glasses. Now, he wishes he'd have listened to me.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 10:14AM
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mom_of_4

Yes, we are very suspicious. Luckily, generally speaking the kids cant and dont keep things to themselves so if they know anything we need to know ... we know. I really dont think suicidal... although she is usually an emotional rollercoaster and DH has always said that he thinks she is bipolar or something. She isnt married. The only relationship she has had since the divorce was with now ex bf who was a real loser. But, that has been over for ... wow almost a year now. I did find out thanks to Ima that there is state law in FL that whenever there is any kind of custody arrangement made with the courts neither parent can move out of state without written notification on a specific form. So, we are less worried about her taking off especially considering already this school year it is back to status qou ... in three weeks she has only had the kids for four days including a weekend.

It very well could be that she is worried that when/if she does leave without the kids she is worried we will go after her for child support. But, in reality I couldnt care less about child support. We have been making it for years supporting the kids on our own and having to shell out money to pay her... just not paying her is a huge burden lifted. I am pretty sure DH feels the same way. He keeps saying he is worried that if she does take off ... when the kids get older ie teenage years. that they will want to take off to her. She doesnt place any kind of limits on them now... so it is a huge fear of his that if that were to happen they would run wild with no kind of limits on them. But, that is future future speculation. Just a fear of his.

We are concerned.. but at this stage it is kind of a wait and see.... so I guess we shall see.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 12:26PM
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