Stepsis changing holiday plans
I know its early to start thinking about holidays. But anyway here's my situation. I am a grown step-daughter. Raised by my mom, and visited my dad and his wife every other weekend. Dad remarried when I was 12. Not close to my stepmother and stepsister (don't see them unless my dad is around), although everyone is cordial, polite, and friendly. But its far from a close family. I see my stepmother and stepsister at holidays and thats as far as our relationship goes. My dad makes much more an effort and is always calling me.
Holidays really haven't changed much since I was little. I still spend the same days with each parent at Christmas. Christmas Eve with Mom and Christmas Day with Dad. However as the years have gone on, Christmas at Dad's has changed a little. We no longer celebrate with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We did always have my grandmother over for Christmas, but she passed away just a few months ago, so this will be our first Christmas without her.
So my dad told me that my stepsister has decided not to come over for Christmas anymore cause she sees no point since my grandma is no longer here. He's hoping she'll change her mind from now til Christmas but we'll see. Dad is trying to talk me into changing my routine and spend Christmas Eve with him at his inlaw. My stepmother's family (her parents, siblings, nieces & nephews) are very nice people but they aren't MY family and there's several family members of hers i've never even met, plus they are 2 hours away from where I live.
And the other issue is I've always celebrated Christmas with Mom on Christmas Eve. Going to Christmas Eve service with Mom (who has no other family but myself) has always been a special tradition, and I won't give that up just cause my stepsister announced she won't be spending Christmas Day at Dad's anymore. I will not spend Christmas Eve with my stepmother's family and leave my mom alone. That is not fair to my mother. I am more than happy to continue what I've always done and spend Christmas Day with Dad and Stepmom, but my stepsister won't be there.
So my stepmother is very upset cause with her daughter choosing not to ever come over for Christmas Day anymore that means my stepsister and I will likely go years without seeing one another. Christmas was really the only time a year we saw eachother anyway so we'll probably from now on only see one another at weddings and funerals. I think this really made Stepmom realize how our family is not blended whatsover. My stepsister and I will never have any type of relationship and after 20+ years there's no way to force us to have a relationship.
I told Dad that I will not change the way I've done holidays my entire life just cause my stepsister decides to change the way she does things. She can choose not to come for Christmas. I will still go over to Dad's for Christmas, but I will not spend Christmas Eve with stepmom's family just so they (dad & stepmom) can have both stepsis and I together.
I don't think I'm being spiteful. I still will see Dad for Christmas, but I'm not willing to change a tradition I've had with Mom my entire life (christmas eve service) to spend Christmas Eve with my stepmom's family. My dad says his wife has been crying about not having both us girls together for Christmas. Really she needs to talk to her daughter about this, cause it was her daughter that decided to change plans.
I also think sometimes Dad and Stepmom do not take into account that my mother has no family at all but me, so because of that she does take priority.