My husband doesn't love me anymore
Hi all. My husband and I have been having problems for awhile now. I think it all started because of step-family issues. We have become so distant. I feel like my husband is more like a room mate than a husband. I have tried so hard to keep it together and to keep us together, but I just don't feel like trying anymore.
The weird part of it all is that the dust has finally settled with all of the step-family issues. My step-daughter is 18 and has moved out for now and hasn't cause major problems in almost a year. She comes and goes as she pleases to our house and everything seems fine. We are even planning a vacation together soon.
But...My husband won't talk to me, he doesn't kiss me unless he has to, and he never tells me he loves me. We use to laugh and joke around with each other, but that never happens anymore. He use to surprise me with little things to show me he love's me, but not now. We never go out together and we rarely have sex.
I feel like I have tried everything. I put cards in his wallet but he doesn't even acknowledge them. I go out of my way to do kind things for him and he is still so cold.
Friday was the last straw. We have this arrangement that every other Friday he gets to go out with his friends from work (they are all single by the way). Well he didn't come home until 10:00 and he didn't call, and when he got home he was totally plastered. This is not the first time something like this has happened. In fact it happens a lot on those Fridays.
It should be no big deal. He should be able to go out with friends, but the problem is he always gets plastered and when he gets plastered he flirts even more than he does when he is sober. This, in addition to the fact that he is drinking and driving home.
We've talked about the problem, but have gotten no where. He says I nag him and that he needs more freedom. I say he should of thought of that before he became a husband and a parent again. He just doesn't want to be tied down. He wants zero responsibilities.
The week days aren't much better. He is a good dad when he wants to be, but that isn't too often lately. He doesn't eat dinner with us and he spends most of his time downstairs away from everyone else on the computer. I feel like a single mom most of the time.
I know I deserve better. I am miserable. I don't know what to do. I asked him to go to counciling, but he refuses.
My plan is let him have the freedom he so much desires. I won't pretend to like it, but I will stay as long as I can take it. We have a 4 year old together. He needs both parents. I've been through one divorce and don't want to go through another one. But 14 more years is a long time to feel this miserable. 14 years is along time to go without my once best friend. I want my old husband back. The one I fell in love with. I just don't know what to do. Any advice to get me through? Thanks.