Need Advice...not SF related
Okay, my DD is 8 years old and in third grade.
She has been at her school for four years now and has always thrived. She does really well academically and socially, she is great, too. The only *issue* that has ever come up at conferences and such is that she a) talks out of turn sometimes, and occasionally needs reminders to raise her hand, etc. But NOTHING out of the ordinary and i's always said by her teachers with a smile.
So she has this little friend and the two of them are thick as thieves, best friends, whatever. Last year, though, towards the middle of the year, DD was coming home on a daily basis complaining that this little girl--I'll call her Ava--was talking to her during work time or in the halls and then DD would get in trouble.
She would "get her card pulled" and this meant a warning the first time, 5 mins of recess lost the second.
I asked why Ava wasn't getting in trouble and DD said that the teacher always caught my DD b/c she had to turn around to respond to Ava.(Ava's desk was behind my DD's.)
Now, I will say--Ava is VERY similar to my DD in personality: outgoing, independant, friendly, social, smart, etc.
They are so similar that they get along great most of the time but clash from time to time, as well.
Time and time, DD would come home in tears, saying Ava was whispering to her, asking to copy off her work, etc. I kept telling DD to ignore, ignore, but the problem persisted for a couple weeks and DD was getting more and more upset.
I talked to Ava's mom (VERY NICELY, at a Brownies meeting) and we BOTH agreed BOTH girls are chatty cathys and that sitting next to each other was problematic all the way around.
I went to the teacher and asked that the girls be moved seat-wise.
That was the end of the issue altogether and DD's behavior went right back to normal.
Okay, so I---as DD's mom---kind of took DD's word for it that Ava was the "instigator" but I ALSO know that DD was culpable, as well. I am SURE DD talked equally as much, etc. The ONE thing that got me was Ava asking to copy off DD's work--DD would not do that, and it did bother me that this little girl was putting her in that position.
Not a big deal.
So we had a playdate or two with this girl over the summer and everything seemed fine.
Well, DD comes home today all upset. She said she asked Ava if she could come over sometime and have a sleepover, and Ava said no, her mom said my DD is a bad role model.
Ava also said she had a birthday party over the summer and did not invite DD because her mom wouldn't let her.
A.) having a hard time believing the latter, and am wondering if it's just third grade girls being third grade girls. This class is VERY small, only 14 kids--7 girls--and I just do NOT see Ava having a party and excluding anyone.
B.) thinking the mom may have said something about the bad role model thing last year when the talking issue was going on?
C.) I'm irritated that this mom---who I will also say I know well enough to SAY something to--would use the phrase "bad role model" in regards to a kid.
I am not sure if I should let it blow over? Say something politely to the mom, like, oh, FYI, this is what was said, I am sure you didn't say this but....
I know I cannot help DD avoid hurt feelings and such but this makes me sad. And it makes me sad, too, if the mom would actually SAY something like that about my DD.