Hi all. This is my first post and I see a lot of the drama going on in my life going on in you guys lives. I think I have found the right place. There does seem to be one difference between me and others here, though. I didn't get mine until he was 23, though I had been with his dad for 14 years and had 2 children of my own.
When my husband and his ex divorced, the boy was 2 yrs old. She maintained that the boy wasn't his, and through pressure from his father, hubby signed away rights. The Ex re-married and the new husband adopted the boy. My husband has always regretted being pressured into signing rights away and always hoped the boy would make contact with him.
Well, he did, about 1-1/2 yrs ago. He was a flaming drug addict in a world of trouble. Through contact with his dad, he went into rehab, then a half-way house for 9 months. He was unwelcome back into his mother's house so we opened our doors to him. The deal was: he work, go to college, put 1/2 of his earnings into an account for the day he decided to leave. Sounds good, right? I thought it was very fair considering our lives were going upside down to have him here and we (all of us, even my 9 yr old son who had to sacrifice toys and possessions in order to make room to share a room with the step-son) all made huge sacrifices to have him here. I got stranded at home daily because he used my car to go to work, school, where-ever else he went.
His mom & adopted dad bought a motorcycle for him, allowed him to make payments, but wouldn't give it to him until it was paid in full. I helped him clean up past bad credit, then co-signed for the loan to get him his bike. I got a thank you, but then the whining about the difficulties of only having a bike as transportation started.
Lots of stuff in between, but where we are now is he threw a tantrum Fri and left work and had a friend with a truck bring him to collect his stuff. He has always been rude and disrespectful to me, but he actually told me that now he wouldn't have a relationship with his dad or siblings and it is: "All Your Fault!!!!". I told him he needed to grow up and quit blaming life not going his way on everyone else.
But, honestly, his comment has hurt me more than I can tell you. I am now the "step-monster" when I tried and tried to do my best to help him. Of course, there is a lot more to this story, but I am not out to write a novel! LOL!
So, for now, how do you deal with the "If everything sucks then it is just your fault!" accusations? I keep trying to consider the source (and I know I haven't given you details on that, but you have all been through the same thing: user, doesn't clean up, isn't responsible, is disrespectful, yadda, yadda, yadda).
My heart is broken because I was so prepared to love and help this boy. He was so prepared to get his own way and hate me. How do you even remotely try to deal with a future relationship between the PITA step-kid and their father & siblings? Do you make yourself scarce or do you make him deal with your presence and position in the household?