Popped over to read some of the threads here as I am new to stepfamilies.
My question is directed at the 2nd wives I guess. How does your husband's mother/father deal with the ex-wife? After ten years of thinking of my now ex-daughter-in as my own daughter, suddenly I have all kinds of anger, mixed feelings, ect. going on. I have to put on the civil happy face for the sake of my grandson, but it's hard.
The ex-DIL was an exchange student in high school and stayed several months in my home when problems arose in the home she was to be staying in. At the end of the senior year she went back to her country. My son stayed in touch and after three years he went to her country and visited for a month. When he returned they began the process of having the girl (20 by then) come to the states and eventually become his wife.
She again moved in with my husband and I and my younger children. They wed and lived here until they could afford their first apartment. I was like her mom, I went through child labor and delivery with her .
After ten years of marriage and no signs of any troubles, she returned to her country on a business trip with her company's owner. I took a month away from my home to go to their home in another state and help my son out with my grandson so he could continue working and my grandson could go to school (he's just now 8 was 6 when this started).
You guessed it. DIL started an affair with the boss, not for love, she wanted money. Working for a living and two weeks a year vacation, no little money for european trip ect. was not what she wanted. After sneaking around for a year and denying what was going on while her boss gave her expensive bonus presents, she finally fessed up.
I have never seen anyone be so cold hearted and cruel in my life. Locked herself in her room, made my son and grandson miserable, all they knew is she wanted out, she did not fess up the 'other man' thing.
Long story, long six months from hell, and my son was booted out (still not knowing why) and traveled between my home and his old one on weekends to see his son. A few months later the DIL moved to about 60 miles from us. Said she picked it to be close but not too close. True was the place she picked is homebase for the company boss. My son had worked for this company also but had to lose job when she booted son out. She has taken all their savings and he had nothing.
A year later now, my son is doing well, dating a great new lady who has a teenage son and is again on his own and sees my grandson regularly. They have joint custody and grandson comes every other weekend, all breaks in school and 1/2 summer vacation. Ex-DIL now lives unmarried with boss, does not work, travels to Europe to visit her mother and sightsee, spends her days shopping, getting hair done blah blah blah.
It has been so hard for my grandson. Innocent that he is announced to me one day that his mom decided to divorce his dad because she wanted to live the rich life.
Ex-DIL wants to still be one big family. Wants us all to be like always and she wants to lean me as if she were still my 'daughter'. She rats me out to my son if she has called me to chat and I've excused myself with being to busy. Then I get lectured from son that I must be nice, she has no family here, and things will be better for grandson if I just 'be nice' for a short chat.
I want to scream. I want to tell the lady just what I think. I don't want to be her 'mom', I don't want to be her 'best friend'. I know I have to be civil and that I have to deal with her when I meet to pick up grandson and times like that, but I don't know how to handle her still wanting to be a major part of my life.
My grandson would rather be with his father all the time. He loves his mom and she tries to be a good mother, but she does not have the loving bond with my grandson that he has with his father. Ex-DIL calls and sobs she is lonely, bored, her son does not love her blah blah.