Guidance or Help Books?
I have 2 9 yr old sons, one being a Step-Son. My SS is overall a good kid. He is smart and many times, can take an optimistic outlook on things that upset him, after a long, exhausting talk with him. My wife and step-son moved far, from another country about 1-1/2 years ago. Between the ages of 2-5, he lived with his Dad. During that time, my SS basically had no discipline, structure, routines, or concepts about real life. When I hear the stories, while rationalizing some culture differences, I am totally shocked at how he was raised, or un-raised, during those years. My SS still carries those mannerisms, although through a lot of effort the last year, has improved a lot. The father had even admitted how he doesn't know how to properly discipline his own child. The rare times he did make an effort, we found out later he apologized to my SS and made it up to him by buying him a toy! There are cultural differences that explain some things. But, even my wife shakes her head at times in disbelief on how he thinks so differently/twisted.
In attempting to discipline with some form of punishment (grounding or removal of tv/computer privileges), he at times blows up at his Mom, saying how the U.S. is bad and his home country is best...how we are mean, and his dad always buys him toys and he can stay up late, eat whatever/whenever, never yells/disciplines him so much, etc.
During his summer break from school, he flew back to spend the summer with his dad. He literally kicked, screamed, resisted through customs and security, causing a scene and heartbreak for my wife. He didn't want to go, as we have too many rules. Culture aside, he is years behind in reality and basic life concepts.
We constantly explain why we have schedules, discipline, etc...to help him grow into a good man with values and manners, but he would rather watch tv and play computer games and boss his Dad around. When we have a big confrontation about something he has done horribly wrong, he quickly points out his comparison of Mom (and me) vs. Dad, and how he doesn't want to be here.
Too many life concepts he can't comprehend, that a 9yr old should, that my son did at maybe 5yrs old. I know every child grasps things at a different pace, but there is so much he can not process correctly in his mind. And, if he can't be the 'center of the universe' and spoiled, as he would be in his original culture, we are viewed as mean in comparison. Ideas?
Also, anyone have any books/guidance for time management for children? He lacks the concept of time, and we spend a lot of 'time' in attempts to teach him.