Friend Issue Again

mom2emallAugust 17, 2009

I posted before about this situation. My son has a friend who he has kind of outgrown. The last few times they hung out the kid did not want to play anything my son wanted to play and cried when he did not get his way. We invited him over for a pool party and he got upset because kids were splashing and he cried. I offered to let him go home and he said ok. Then he changed his mind. Everyone else was in the pool and he said he wanted to play video games. I told him that it was a pool party and nobody was going to be inside playing video games. So he cried and said that he had no video games anymore and that he was not even allowed to watch tv. (His family had decided to get rid of tv and video games indefinately) I told him that I understood how he felt, but that he was either swimming or going home.

Most of the summer my son has avoided him. He just says he dislikes playing with the boy. So I have let him just ignore the boys phone calls in hopes the boy would stop calling.

Today the boy called twice and finally my son said he would call him back and give him another chance. So my son returned his call and invited him over to play. I had 2 boys I babysit here and the neighbor boy was over playing too. They all wanted to play army with nerf guns and were running outside. After a few minutes the boy decided he did not want to play that. He said he is not really allowed to play guns. So my son offered to play football or scooter races or cops & robbers. The boy said he did not like any of those. He said he wanted to play video games since he still does not have any. I said that we were playing outside, not on video games. So he cried again!! He refused to play with my son or the other boys and just sat outside looking miserable.

He was here about 2 hours and did not play with any of the kids. Instead he spent the whole time playing with my dog. So I told the boy that it was time to go because the kids I was bbsitting were leaving soon and we had to go to the store.

Now my son says that he gave the boy another chance and he just does not want to play with him anymore. I understand. But what do I do if he continues calling? Obviously ignoring him does not work.

Should I just be honest with the mom and tell her that her son and my son just can never agree on what to play when he is here and that most times her son cries because he wants to play video games?

Even the few times my son has played video games with her son they can't play many of the games we have because the boy is only allowed to play certain games. The army ones that my boys enjoy are rated teen so the boy is not allowed to play them.

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I suggest you explain the situation to his mother and she can encourage her son to play with others with similar interests. It is a difficult situation.

I have the same problem. DD was best friends with this girl she met through her swim team for a while. They hung out all the time, went to the same summer camp, and talked on the phone all the time. Her mom and I really got along. Well DD has decided she can't stand the little girl anymore because she is too bossy (I believe her, as the little girl has lost other friends for the same reason). DD just kept ignoring the little girl and eventually she stopped calling frequently, although she still calls every once in a while and DD will talk to her but always looks to me to say she has something to do so can't go over to play (fortunately, it has always been the truth). I have been avoiding the mother as well since DD doesn't like her daughter, and I feel bad. It would have been strange to go to her house to hang out without DD. I wish I had taken my own advice. Maybe her mom could have spoken to her about what is scaring all the other little girls off from remaining her friend.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2009 at 6:45PM
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I think you have to talk to the mom too - it's ok to nicely say they just don't seem to have that much in common. I would appreciate knowing my kid was trying to do something at a friend's house he wasn't supposed to do at home as well!

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 2:29AM
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I wonder if the boy's parents are too strict wiht him and that's why he is so distrurbed. I understand no videogames, but no TV? No wonder he is craving it.

I am not sure what to do here. If parents are that strict I woudl be careful telling them stuff because it could back fire on him.

At the same time I don't know what else to do. maybe you are right and you should tell mom that he wants to play videogames (since he has none at home) and he doesn't like what other boys play and he cries and it upsets other children.

If mom is reasonable she should sit wiht him and discuss what is going on. Your son doesn't have to put up wiht it.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 8:49AM
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The boy used to go to school with my son. Then the parents decided to start homeschooling him because they were upset with the school (which I understood because my son had the same awful teacher that year). Well then they decided to start attending church all the time and incorporate bible study into their homeschooling. Then they decided to cancel cable t.v. Then they decided to stop letting the kids use their playstation. Now the mom brags about how her kids do things kids are supposed to do for fun (read books, play outside, etc.) I agree those things are good for them.

But the problem is that they did a complete 360 and their son is having a hard time adjusting. I have seen this sweet kid go from being a little too hyper to a big cry baby! From staying home these last few years he has stopped being able to get along with other kids. And he does crave t.v. and video games because he is not allowed any usage of them at home anymore.

I want to let the mom know that the strictness is making her son unable to play with other kids, but I just don't want to come off as I am judging them. I think I will just be honest with the mom and tell her about the video games and crying. She is better off knowing.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 9:45AM
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mom2emall, this boy you describe reminds me of a family in our neighborhood. They have no TV, no video games, they homeschool and are extremely religious. In fact, the parents don't want their DDs playing with mine because we are not religious and I had to gently put them in their place when they tried to preach to my daughter about abortions and politics while in my home during the presidential election season. Well they don't let the girls out of the house to play in the neighborhood, but the son is allowed to roam freely. And all he wants to do is go to everyone's house and watch TV and play video games. The other boys in the neighborhood no longer have him over because of the same thing -- he doesn't want to do what they do; he just wants to watch their TV and play their video games. So by default, he is at my house all the time now (and I no longer even have a boy his age living with me, only my DD) so it is quite odd. I'm not sure what to say to his parents without coming across as judging their lifestyle. But unless they loosen up on their rules, I don't see it getting any better and I really don't like having him in my home when I know his parents don't want him doing the things he wants to do in my house and DD is not too fond of him.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 11:46AM
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"Then the parents decided to start homeschooling him. Well then they decided to start attending church all the time and incorporate bible study into their homeschooling. Then they decided to cancel cable t.v."

I see now. It explains a lot. Say no more.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 12:27PM
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Uggh...the boy called today and left a message. He said something along the lines of " hi ______, this is ________, I was calling to see if we could play today. Call me back. Even if you can not play today call me back so we can schedule a play date."

I found the play date term to be funny because they are 11 now!

    Bookmark   August 19, 2009 at 10:54PM
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That is odd for an 11 yr old boy to use the term play date! I haven't used that term since DD was in preschool!

I wish I had ideas for you! That is a tough situation.

    Bookmark   August 20, 2009 at 11:14AM
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he is homeschooled and sees no other kids during the day, so his social skills probably are where they were before he started being homeschooled. his overall behavior strikes me as very immature.

    Bookmark   August 20, 2009 at 11:26AM
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