I don't even know where to begin . . .
The last few weeks have been so utterly ridiculous and frightening and unbelievable that I am left a angry, frustrated and helpless mess.
Where to begin? About two months ago SD14's mom moved out of the house with DH #2 and their 2 year old daughter into an apartment to 'work on their marriage.' That didn't go so well so two weeks ago she decided to give up and get divorced. She told SD that there would be 'no more men' and she was going to focus on her girls as they were all she needed. Friday morning she took the girls (SD is with her for a weeks visitation) to her attorney's office to sign the divorce papers. Friday night she went out with a new guy she met (again) on the internet. In order to do this she has to get rid of SD, and since SD couldn't find a girlfriend to spend the night with she went over to her boyfriend's house.
*Side note - we aren't really big on this guy - he's controlling and psychical so we limit the time they spend together and have it all be in our supervision. If he doesn't like the answer we give on something he tries to get on the phone and 'tell us what the deal is' so we will change our minds. We have told BM this. But that's another story.*
So anyway, SD is totally torked at her mom because of the dating thing. Calls her a liar and such. But then gets to go to her boyfriends. BM picks her up after 10:00 and tells her about her date; going to his house for dinner (yes, first date with someone she's never met) and then making out with him. Best part is she told SD before leaving "I still love ~current husband~ and I'm still married, but oh well." NICE FREAKING ROLE MODEL. SD related all this to me via text, calling her mom a slut and a whore. I was so blown away I didn't even scold her.
So the following day, BM is on the phone with the new guy, SD is watching TV and the 2 year old is no where to be found. SD goes to fin her in SD's room, eating her Dramamine she had in a nightstand. Off the the ER they go, BM yelling at SD because it's 'all her fault.' Few hours later they are out, and I ask SD if her sister's dad - the soon to be ex - made it up there. He didn't - because BM didn't call him and has no intention of telling him about the ER trip. She tells SD and the little one to keep it a secret. Why? Because she knows she could lose custody of yet another daughter of course! So then because SD is so pi$$ed at her mom BM asks if she wants to go to her BF's house, and off she goes for another 5 hour stay.
Now to this morning, when I get a text from SD early because her sister just peed on her carpet. Why? Because she couldn't find her mommy as she was, you guessed it, on the phone with the new man! SD was steaming mad and once again going off about her mom's screwed up priorities. But, all was well in a few hours because BM announced they were all going to the river with her new BF, and SD could bring her BF too! How special - a double date!! Oh, and of course SD doesn't have a swim suit at her mom's house, so here SD - wear my string bikini! This girl as a size C chest and the body of a 20 year old. Really??
I am so frustrated I can't even see straight. It doesn't matter what I do, what positive behaviors I try to role model, what lessons I try to teach about the message you send with your clothing and actions, what priorities I try to help SD set . . . as long as her mom lets her get away with anything she wants so that she doesn't pi$$ and moan about mom's choices and actions what I do is pointless. It's a lot more fun to wear skimpy clothes and get (the wrong kind of) attention and spend every moment of your 14 YR OLD life with a guy then it is to dress appropriately, draw positive attention or hang with your girlfriends or family.
I can feel a tyrade about her mom boiling over and I fear I won't be able to contain myself. She comes home tomorrow morning and I just don't even want to see her. I know my anger is really directed at her mother, but I guess I just get so mad because she buys into it. She see's the error in her moms ways. . . and then turns around and follows her down the same path. I understand that path is gratifying and 'fun' and she's 14, but how do you tell her that isn't behavior that will serve her well in the future when her mom is doing that and worse?! Add in to that I really want to alert her soon to be ex about the issues surrounding his daughter, but I know SD would get punished as it would be obvious how the word got to him.
I feel so angry helpless right now, and it's the same feelings I had before BM married this guy and was on her string of men. The choices she makes so negatively impact now TWO children, and I get so worked up over it because it so obvious, yet so out of my control. I don't want to go back to the bottled up person I was three years ago but I see it all happening again. I almost feel like it's pointless - maybe we should just send SD to live with her mom and they can run around half dressed with their guys and I don't have to be witness to it. Hell, maybe they can BOTH be pregnant together this time???
I just HATE THIS.