My Dad's Wife
Well HI All
I posted a hijacked post the other day about my 'SM' and it must be some sort of curse that I posted about her, then that she asked me to be her FB friend and now last night I got an email from her. I don't know if I am looking to vent or of I am asking for advice.
There really is nothing wrong with the woman except she is stepping on my territory at the moment. She is a 'peace maker', a fix it all, she 'wants' to be the 'glue' that keeps our family together, unfortunately, our family has never been together.
Without too much detail I try to explain and then tell you what she said in her email and then what I want to say back to her.
Mom and Dad divorced in 82 - they had been married for 13 years before. 3 kids. I'm the baby.
Dad has had three wives since. Never around.
SM 1 mentally and physically abused all three of us. He left her a few years after finding out about the abuse
SM2 was cool. Very young. 20 to my dad's 40. My sister was also 20. I was 11. We had fun together. Dad couldn't have any more kids, 5 was enough.. She cheated, got pg, he left. In between all these wives he always had some live in gf with lots of kids. Dad never paid child support, always ran from it, it was dismissed when I turned 18 because my mom never filed any motions to fight for it. (she didn't know the system)
I was raised by my stepdad. Dad was never around except when he had a new chick to show off.
Dad marriEd sm3 I think 11 years ago. Maybe 10 I can't remember. I wasn't there. I wasn't in a 'relationship' with dad at the time. I had not spoken to him in 4 years. He basically came to my graduation at made some joke about the child support that had just been 'dismissed' and I refused to ever speak to him again.
Then after he was married and my dd10 was about 1 1/2 I decided to try to 'fix' our relationship. It went ok for a few years but then his wife started acting all 'grandmotherish' and I didn't like it. She didn't help raise me, she didnt know anything except what my dad told her. Things he didn't know because he just wasn't around. For example: she swears my dad told her that I was a cheerleader in high school and college. I have told her a bazillion times, no I was on the dance team. She constantly argues 'now I know your dad told me you were a cheerleader' I say 'no (politely) I was on the dance team but close enough to call it the same ' she says 'no! I KNOW what I was told and he said cheerleader'. Come on! Does it really matter??!!! Obviously you are determined to either 1. Tell me I don't know what I did in my life or 2. You are determined to remind me that my dad doesn't know anything about me.
She has told me many times that my dad would have been there for us but my mom wouldn't let him. How does she know? Because he said so?
What part of, he was MIA do you not understand? She told me once that she doesn't believe my mom is over my dad. They have been divorced for 28 years, almost 29 and she has been remarried to my SD for 26/27 years. Gosh I hope she is over my dad right?
Why does this stuff matter?
Then I told y'all in a post the other day how I believe she 'inserts' herself.
Well, she is wanting to show off all of our kids as her grandkids. Her only son does not have children but also is not talking to her at the moment.
She isn't grandma to any of our children. My brother's kids have met her once and that was 2 years ago. Maybe my sister's son sees her as a grandma because he has been around her a lot more. My sister tries to keep a very strong relationship with our dad. She fails constantly at it but she is so determined, she just doesn't care. As faulty as she can be, she has such a big heart, especially for him and I believe that he is the reason for all of her mental/emotional issues. She was at that age (13) where girls are impressionable and need their dad. Well he left and never looked back and she started 'looking' for his replacement. She ended up of at 13. Did drugs, smoked, had lots of sex with MEN she didn't know, failed out of school, she barely graduated. But he is her 'hero' and she just Loves him so much. To me, he is a jerk, not deserving of any love from us since we were not deserving of his love for so long. I replaced him in my life with another man; my stepdad. And I just can't go back. I just have no interest. If my siblings want to, that's ok. I'm not going to judge them but I just have no interest.
So my dad's wife who I have not heard from in a year and a half emails me 'can't you just forgive us and move on for the grandchildren's sake, they have a right to know us and we have a right to be a part of their Lives'
I want to tell her first of all, you have no rights. Second I would love for my children to know their grandfather, why don't you tell him to pick up the phone and give them a call. :)
I also have not heard from my father in a year and a half... It doesn't surprise me but see now SHE wants to make it like it's my fault, like I am the one that isn't talking to them, when they are the ones that made jerks of themselves ... I haven't heard from my dad at all... And my brother and sister say the same thing. They hear from her via facebook or email but nothing from dad at all. If he wants to call us, won't he just pick up the phone and call? Why does it ALWAYS have to be us?
My sister has the same question: we can accept he is forgetful and that he can't remember our birthdays etc but why do we have to always be the ones to keep contact with him? Shouldn't it be a two way street? And shouldn't his wife just stay out of it?
Ok no need to answer that. I want her to stay out of it. I have no loyalty to her nor do I have feelings for her other than, she is my biodad's third wife; who knows if she is here to stay? This one still has not beat SM 2 or my mom's marriage to him in years... So she is still replaceable in my book. Although I have always thought that they actually do make a great couple and I don't want to see my dad divorced again.... I would like to see her get a job and stop making my dad work three jobs to support her... She is not retirement age but she has been 'retired' for 5 years now.... Weird. But that isn't really my business. Just shows character...
I don't know how or if I should even answer her. She also wrote my sister in law and my sister emails. To my sister was, we miss you come by soon. To my sister in law it was 'please send some recent pictures, we miss you and love you'. Remember, my brother's family has not seen them but ONCE in a two year period and never before that ....
It's so weird.
I want to email and ask if dad missed:forgot:overlooked my birthday.
But to me that sounds like a selfish little girl. But honestly, what parent forgets their child's birthday and then sends the spouse with a please don't be mad letter... Not that the bday was mentioned but I'm sure it's on the lIst of things he thinks he did wrong. He hasn't done anything 'wrong' except not contacting me.