FDH's X's Financial Problems

jess3August 3, 2009

In 6 days my FDH will be my DH. I am excited but of course there are issues. One is that he pays his X $3000/mo for mtg payment & car payment. That is just enough to pay both. We still get the statement because they are still in his name and in the divorce decree it says that he can't make her take his name off. Couldn't anyway without refinancing them.

Problem: We recieved both statements today and she is 2 payments behind on the house and 3 on the car. He quits paying for the car in October. We are wondering how she will pay for the car without him giving her the money if she cant pay it when he does give her the money. He is calling his atty about all this and what rights he has since she continuously pays them late. She spent all the alimony last month on a trip to Branson for hid DD's dance competition (he paid his 76% of hotel and comp fees).

This makes me so angry that she refuses to pay these things and if he does not pay them she will lose her house & car, mess up his credit. And in the end the kids are going to blame dad because thier lifstyle changed and they donthave the best house or car. She has to keep up with all her friends and have the best of everything but someone else is supposed to pay for. we only hear from her or the kids when they want something. He can call them for days but unless they need something they wont answer or call back.

As his new wife I am not sure how to handle this. I dont want him to bail her out everytime. She has to change her lifstyle maybe even get a job where she can make more money if there is one still available. She works at the church and they do not pay her enough to support her lifstyle. I have told him my opinion but as a father he does not want his kids to have to do without anything.

Sorry this is so long. If there is anyone that has had a similar situation I would like to know how you handled it. I dont want him to file contempt of court, are there any other options?

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Sorry to sound so glib... you just may as well get used to your situation.
If he wants to just gritch about it, with no changes, soon you'll not only resent the X, the kids, but him also.
Oh, and his credit has already been impacted with the late payments.
And in a few days that will be your credit too.
Congratulations on your up-coming marriage :)

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 6:11PM
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Does FDH have more than enough money to support two families in the style to which his former wife has become accustomed?

Because if he doesn't, I see nothing but pain for you...

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 7:37PM
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I too think the situation is impossible, but could you clarify why you dont want him to file contempt of court? Wouldnt that at least fix the problem going forward if he can show the court why he should pay the mortgage directly? What is his plan?

Don't quit your day job.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 9:42PM
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My dh's credit had some major dings from car issues. His ex had a car in both their names. In the divorce he was awarded his car and she was awarded hers. She was supposed to refinance hers into her name alone. She never did because she messed up her credit. She stopped paying on the car and had the nerve to ask him for $ (he said no...he had the kids full-time and she was not even paying child support!)

So she saved up her money by not making car payments and let the car get repossessed. Then she went and bought a new SUV somehow!! Guess she used all the money she saved from not paying her bills and all the money she saved during the eviction process from her apartment!

The credit company did not care about the court order my dh offered to send them. They said his name was on the loan too and they had the right to go after him and he could go after his ex in small claims if he chose. UGGH!

So I don't see much that you can do.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 11:06PM
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I am not sure why he is still paying her mortgage and her car. seems rather unreasonable. most people refinance houses and take other spouse's name off. on the other hand he must be very wealthy if he can afford paying 3000 a month and support two families. i am not sure why do you want to marry someone who supports exwife (i am not talking about alimony or CS or reasonable help).

on the other hand your FDH probably feels guilty over leaving his wife for TOW and pays all that to pacify his guilt.

My X left his long term girlfriend (not even a wife) for someone else and he felt so guilty that he left her his property that she had nothing to do with, they never lived there and he was renting it out. he kept that property in case any of the kids need it or if he loses his job etc. he just gave it to her out of guilt. i was shocked, they weren't even married. he left her everything including a place that he owned years before her.

men do bizzare stuff out of guilt.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 9:32AM
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Sweeby, FDH does nothave enough money for for her lifestyle and another family. She has never had to worry about money she would spend without having any idea how much was in the account. he would just keep putting more.

KKNY: I would like to start paying the mtg, car loans directly. Going to the judge would be the only way we could do that legally. The kids are the only reason why I dont want to do that because then she will tell them its all dads fault that they cant have or do something. She allready has them ask for money for her, so I can see that putting them in the middle even more. His atty has been talking to hers but she has not paid her atty and is avoiding her calls. he is trying to get it resolved with just the atty's but thats going nowhere. Impossible situation is correct. he is a loser either way i suppose.

I aksed him a while back if he could just talk to her about the problems and maybe help her find a better paying job. She could volunteer at the church so that ahe would still be in ministry. He looked at me like I was a crazy person and said. She is not a reasonable person that you can just talk to and get a problem solved. So I am sure this is going to be an ongoing problem and we will have to hold off on some of our plans for a while.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 9:41AM
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Fd, in the current environment it is not always possible to refi. Most courts are going to give a reasonable time to refi. I am not certin if there is any difference between theses payments and alimony or CS. As to amount -- depends on his income, etc. We dont know if guilt or reasonable.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 9:42AM
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FD: Not out of guilt. Court ordered. Sorry, I didn't clarify in my post. He spoils his kids out of guilt. LOL.
The Mtg & car pymts are the alimony. He does pay an additional $1000 for CS. He quits paying for the car in October so then the alimony goes down to $2100 till 3 more years then he wont pay her any alimony. That is when she has to refi the house. It is actually a settlement that is to be paid in payments. It is ordered that she pay the mtg and car with that money.

If he does not pay her and pays the bills instead he is in contempt of court. So as it is to get his credit back in shape he would need to pay her the alimony and get the bills caught up. Then let the court decide if he can pay the bills instead of directly giving her the money.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 12:38PM
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this is a lot of alimony! he must be making a lot of money as it got to be based on the income. 3000 a month, wow. plus 1000 CS. wow. most people only make that much a month after taxes. this is A LOT of money, I could never even dream of alimony or CS of such amount. anyone else gets that much money? just wonder...

i have no solution here...hopefully he can arrange it so he pays directly morgage and car payments not giving it to her. does she work. must be making very little.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 3:47PM
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