update on major problem w/ sd

mami08August 23, 2009

Well, things have gone from bad to worse. Long story short, my sister got married 8/8, we had his kids all weekend (my SS6 and SD12)...well it turned out hubby was going to be in meetings all day Sunday (he is a chef for a college), so he decided to take the kids back to their BM's house (that was the arrangement they made, that if hubby had to work, he took the kids back home). Everyone in the house was exhausted and hubby and I were arguing (nothing major just bantering), SD and SS were in the truck ready to go home and SD comes back into the house and starts glaring at me as hubby and I were arguing, (she has a long history of taking anything that happens in our house and telling all to her BM and g-ma, then twisting a long string of lies into it). Hubby told SD to go back to the truck he'd be there in a minute to take them home, she ignored him and continued to glare at me, so I (in a rather loud voice) repeated his instruction for her to go back and wait in the truck. Now, I admit it was a bit loud, but I didn't curse, threaten, or come near her, just yelled, I was fed up and tired of her always ignoring her dad's instructions. Hubby acted a little irritated at me but later said he understood why I did it, and for heaven's sake it wasn't a big deal, she is under disciplined as it is, she clearly needs more than just being yelled at but that is not my call to make.

So, BM goes flipping livid insane, called my hubby, threatens him and me, threatens to get DCFS to take our son (1 year old) away from us, threatens to never let him see SS and SD again, really went off the deep end. Kids skipped the next weekend's visit, then SD came this last Friday nite, (not SS), so hubby and I sit her down for a discussion. Turns out SD told her mom that I kicked her and SS out of the house 8/8, along with a plethora of other lies. Hubby and I decided we had to get this matter straightened out. She denied all the lies, claims BM is making it all up (which is ridiculous), told me that SS hates me and that's why he never comes over anymore, etc. etc. I've always had a terrific relationship with SS, it is SD he is afraid of, and I fully admit that my hubby is slacking in the parenting dept. because he continually lets SD be very very mean to SS. SS stays at his BM's house whenever SD comes over here in order to get away from her.

I finally left the room during this "discussion", I can't argue with a 12 year old the way I would an adult so I just washed my hands of it. SD told hubby she wanted to go back home, so he agreed, and according to him she called him a few select curse words on the way home, told him he was a horrible dad, she never wanted to come back to our house, etc.

Now, hubby and I have been married for 5 years, I've been helping take care for his kids since they were 6 years old and 9 months old, I'm not a new character to this situation, we have NO clue where this is all coming from, all we can figure is that there is some major brain washing going on by BM and her mother. What do you all think?

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I think it is a mess. I have found that the best way to nip lies in the bud is to call people out on them. Is it possible for your dh to go over to bm's and sit down with bm, his daughter, and himself. He could discuss the events on 8/8 right there and call his daughter out on her lies.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2009 at 2:57PM
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That is absolutely the most logical start to solving this problem, however DH has offered a number of times over the years to have a more structured "co-parenting" situation put in place, but BM wants no part of it. She actually told him once that she would agree to sit down with him and discuss things only if her BF was included...this guy doesn't even live with her! DH actually said that would be fine, but wanted me to be involved as well, seeing as how I am his wife. She shot the whole thing down. It's really hard to get something like this under control when 1/2 of the parental party seems to be adding fuel to the fire as opposed to trying to put the fire out. Thanks for the comment, I guess we will just have to take this thing 1 day at a time.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2009 at 3:12PM
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