When BM and DH Are Very Friendly
I was going to post in Love's post, but decided not to just barge in. Her experiences with BM calling and calling are similar to mine, and make me think the insightful ladies on this site might have some observations.
Luckily for my SDs and for DH, BM is not hostile to him. Over the years she has become somewhat cordial to me as well. Like Love, I occasionally am the recipient of trust and friendliness from BM, though often not (but BM is never violent or screaming or anything). I am embarassed to admit it but I will: there are times that I wish she was more overtly hostile to me, rather than on a subtle competitive level. If things were more obvious to my DH, who likes to think the best of people, I think it would be easier.
We have now been married longer than he was married to BM. And still her frequent chatty calls to my DH make me feel, I don't know how to express this, in my mind I put it as "not quite married." Our stepfamily counselor once suggested it is a way I maintain distance from DH, that I use his connection with BM to create a distance/safety zone between us. That might be true. Now that my SDs and my own two bios are all away at school, DH and I have much more time that's just the two of us. And yet I still feel the distance because BM might call at any time and engage him in a long, glowing discussion about the girls. I am wondering whether it would be a good idea to share this with him? Or, maybe better not to say anything.
Last night we found out that OSD has received a prestigious national award. She called to tell us. Half an hour later when I heard DH's ringtone from the next room, I knew it would be BM. And they talked for about 10 minutes, and I could tell BM was taking the conversation back to how wonderful SD was at this skill in grade school, etc. I know it's great they are friendly. But the effect on me was to take away from the sense of this wonderful honor that happened to our family member and to instead put me on the outside.
Do any of you just feel crappy when DH and BM are sharing their joy in their children, if they do? I am normally not a jealous person and earlier in our marriage I welcomed any friendliness BM would send DH's way. Ugh, I am glad this forum is annonymous, I am judging myself so harshly.