The truth hurts.
My dad was supposed to come over this weekend, short notice, etc. Remember, he lives over two thousand miles away.
He spent the ENTIRE (less than) 24 hours he was with us on the phone with his wife. SHE called him, every time. To argue. About where they were going AFTER he was with me. Plane, train or automobile... what time, what airport, how much and when. If he wasn't on the phone, he was on my computer, looking up travel info.
I know it's as much his responsibility as it is her fault. I know he can put down the phone anytime. I know he isn't being forced, that he's a big boy, that it's his lack of manners rather than hers.
I know it's not *my stepmother* I can't stand, but the way I'm treated by my father I find so heartbreaking and sad and anger-inducing.
I know. But it doesn't make it much easier. It was almost easier blaming it all on her. But this visit made it so clear that he is making these choices, not her.
My dad would rather argue with his wife than talk to me.
My dad doesn't respect my household.
My dad doesn't treat me the way I'd like to be treated.
My dad hurts my feelings.
I'm not looking for sympathy but I am in a really weird emotional place right now. Some might call it "growing pains". Sure, that's a part of it. But it's more like the fifth veil was just lifted. Like when you know your husband has been cheating on you and then you find the proof.
I knew this was his character, really deep down I knew, but I wanted to continue the charade because I wanted a dad who was different. And I think he has a different perception of himself too. It was easier for both of us to pretend.
But it's not anymore. I still love him. I'm just .... what? I don't even know. I can't put it in words.
Heartbroken is too extreme. Heartsick is too pitiful. Disappointed? Yeah. A little. But not even that so much.
I guess resigned with a touch of sadness. I'm sad for me, and I'm sad for him. It's sad. It's a sad situation. But it is what it is. I'm grateful that he played his mini-drama in a way that made it so clear that he is a key player and a co-director in the dad/sm drama rather than in a way that it made it look like she was the instigator and he was the victim.