incognitomomAugust 6, 2011

So bm called me the other day to tell me she was leaving state and moving to her parents home with her kids! Said she was leaving bf finally (sob sob sob). I asked if she wanted to see the kids before she left (not that I care how she feels, but I figured the kids would rather say goodbye in person for once then find out she was already gone as they always do). She says she is packing and will be leaving in a few hours to start driving to her parents. She says she was hoping dh and I could tell the kids bye for her!

I suggested after she is done packing we meet at a local fast food place at least so the kids can say goodbye. She finally agreed and we did meet up.

Well she told the kids she was moving so she could leave bf and get her life together, bla bla bla. So sd's actually felt bad for her and have been texting her a lot over the last week.

Today I find out from bm's mom that bf is also staying at their house....he went with bm!?!? I am so mad. She lied again to the kids and to us. This was just her way of skipping town and sponging off her parents again....not at all how she presented it.

I am also upset that the kids think she is out there alone trying to get her life together when in reality she did not leave them again so she could get away from an abusive bf.....she brought him with her! RIDICULOUS!

And the kicker is that younger sd was asking dh what is going to happen to her siblings now that bm left state. DH was like what do you then says well who is going to take care of them? DH says they went with bm and then sd looked shocked and upset! Poor girl...thought that bm would leave siblings behind like she did with her, older sd, and ss. Then she finds out bm took the 3 little ones with her and was probably upset that bm left her. Uggh...

Today I was taking the bedding off the girls beds to wash them and I saw a pic of bm and younger sd when she was like 5 under her pillow. Poor girl must be looking at that picture and crying at night again.

I HATE BM for this!

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"she was hoping dh and I could tell the kids bye for her!"

This woman just is not motherly material, sounds like not even nice person material, whether from narcissism or from a missing DNA strand or from whatever cause.

Mightn't it be kinder to the girls to just let her go?

As long as they keep being thrust into her life or having her thrust into theirs, they're going to keep on getting torn up & disappointed & they're going to keep having it brought home to them that their own mother gave them away.

The fact that someone is your biological relative does not mean that that person won't warp your mind & cripple your emotions & mess up your personality & break your heart .

I once went to church with a couple who adopted 2 very young children who had been taken from a sexually abusive home.

It took a year to get those children calmed down & reassured that they were safe & loved & that they were worth something.

It took a year to get them to stop making sexual overtures to adults (seems like they were 7 & 5 by then).

Then the "former parents" & "former grandparents" somehow found out where the children were & launched a campaign to re-establish contact, just be all friends & happy-go-lucky.

On the advice of the children's therapists, the family moved far away & kept their new location as secret as possible, almost like witness protection.

Everybody realized that any contact at all with the former family would damage the children.

The fact that "your kids'" mother's rights haven't been terminated by the state does not mean she's not toxic.

I wish the best for all of you, & I'm especially holding those girls in my thoughts.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2011 at 4:00PM
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I have read this post more than once before commenting. I just don't even know what to say!! What a worthless piece of crap this BM is!!

I hope that she just stays away.

I'm just sending you some big hugs and reassurance that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so glad the kids have you. You're such a good mom. You know the drill. You just keep loving them and reassuring them -- and hope to high heavens they heal and she just moves on.


    Bookmark   August 8, 2011 at 12:42AM
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I'd start tracking the days since her last communication with the kids - and then, when it reaches whatever the limit is for "abandonment" in your state, reserve the right to file for termination of her rights. She is absolutely toxic for these poor kids to be around, with her "I'm here to play Mommy! Now I'm gone! Now I'm back - love me love me! Now I'm bored and want some new kids!...." attitude.

    Bookmark   August 8, 2011 at 7:48AM
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That's so aweful! It's kinda like when my ss mom moved to Ohio and texted my dh to keep him and tell him he was staying with us permanently. Or.... my ex sil is now moving away.... just by coincidense to the same location as my ss bm. That place must really attract the losers. My bil also has custody of his daughter. I just feel so very sorry for these poor kids. What has happened in this day and age that so many moms suck so bad?

I'm so glad these kids have you.

    Bookmark   August 8, 2011 at 8:57AM
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Ima, I'm so sorry.

Mattie, that's good advice.

Myfam, I read it a few times too, jaw lowering each time. Unbelievable.

    Bookmark   August 8, 2011 at 10:59AM
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Everyone has given good advice & kind thoughts, but I don't think this mother "wanted to play mommy";
she said she wanted the children's father to "say bye" for her.

She had to be talked into meeting them:
"She finally agreed and we did meet up."

She's moved away;
it's a very sad thing to say, but maybe she'll forget about her kids & they can get on with the business of growing up & being happy.

    Bookmark   August 8, 2011 at 2:11PM
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