need to vent about dh

mom2emallAugust 14, 2009

Geez....don't know what my dh's problem is lately but he is so babying ss and its about to drive me nuts!

Long story short the tv and video game system in our home was unplugged this morning. SS got up and wanted to play at like 6:30. Nobody was up and it would not work so he started telling my sister (who spent the night last night) that someone needed to go fix it. She told him that when me and dh got up we would take care of it (we had to get up in like 30 min.) She told him not to wake us up. He did not listen and came barreling into our room and yelling that the tv and video game needed to be fixed!! I woke up and told him to let us get up.

When I was fully awake I understood what had happened and I told him that unless there is a real emergency he is not to come into our room yelling in the morning. And because he was told by another adult not to wake us up for something that stupid that he was now grounded for the day from video games. He began the tears and I told him to get over it and that when his dad woke up I did not want to hear him whining to him about it.

So when dh got up guess what the first thing he said to dh was?? Yup....with tears in his eyes he told daddy he was grounded from video games. I heard him and came walking into the room and told my dh what I had already said to ss and dh began yelling that my son tells me when dh grounds him. I told him that we were not discussing something my son did right now...the topic was ss. And I told him that I am tired of ss crying about everything to dh. DH yelled and said that if his son wants to tell him something that he can and that I should not be telling him not to tell daddy things.

All I said was that I told ss not to start whining to dh about being grounded and that was the first thing ss did.

Dh does not see my point. Now I am mad.

Honestly I am so sick of darn video games!! SS and bioson both wake up and want to play. They are not hungry for breakfast or anything....till I tell them video game time is done. Somedays I just declare video game free days in our house and then I get the whining about there being nothing to do....till I start telling them about cleaning they could do. Then they find something else real quick to do outside!

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ceph

Gaaaaa! How frustrating!

Did DH do all his squawking in front of SS? It's OK for his to disagree with how you dealt with it, but undermining you in front of SS is a problem.

By the sounds of it, you doled out a consequence to SS for not listening to an adult and told him to accept the consequences without a fuss. But DH interprets this as you mistreating SS and telling him not to tell.
IMO, at the moment, this is just a communication breakdown, but if SS is clever, he may be able to exploit it into MUCH more. So deal with it ASAP!!

Anyhow, we have a rule that there are no video games until 10am, and that you have to be dressed, breakfast eaten, bed made, teeth brushed and ready to get on with the day.
There was a good deal of resistance to this rule at first, but he seems to like it now...

We brought it in when my SS was 9 because he was dragging himself out of bed at 5am, bleary eyed at exhausted to play video games. Then when we got up, he'd been plugged in to the game for a few hours already and was a huge grouch. He'd throw a tantrum when asked to eat breakfast or get dressed. It was a mess.
But now he sleeps until around 8, watches cartoons in his jammies for awhile, eats breakfast, brushes his teeth and washes his face, makes his bed, gets dressed and then plays some games until lunchtime. No fuss, no tantrums. It's fabulous.

Maybe that would work for you?

    Bookmark   August 14, 2009 at 2:01PM
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finedreams

next time your DH acts like this, take your own son (you have one right?) tell him to dress up and then two of you go elsewhere for a day, let your DH stay home and deal with all this. You are not a maid, if he expects you to take care of his children DAILY, not on occassion, then he should be OK with you doing the disciplining your way (provided that it is appropriate, which it was).

As about videogames, I think ceph has a good idea, no videogames until a specified time, and certainly no games at 6:30AM and maybe limit it to few hours not more. Let them whine and complain.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2009 at 2:21PM
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mom2emall

Dh did squack in front of ss which added fuel to my fire!

I tried talking to him about this again after things calmed down and he still didn't see the problem with ss complaining to him about his punishment. He says the kids have the right to express their feelings. Whatever! Then he can deal with ss crying about everything and enjoy it. I think there is a fine line between expressing feelings and complaining. I really think he wanted to complain to daddy and try to put on the tears to see if daddy would give him video games back.

I love the no video games till a certain time thing. I am starting that tomorrow!!

For today ss is forced to find toys to play with since he is grounded. Poor kid is building with legos right now because he just came in from bike riding because it was getting hot outside (GASP)!

    Bookmark   August 14, 2009 at 3:05PM
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ceph

"For today ss is forced to find toys to play with since he is grounded. Poor kid is building with legos right now because he just came in from bike riding because it was getting hot outside (GASP)!"

You're a truly evil person!! A monster and a dictator!
LOL!

Be prepared for some backlash to the "no video games until 10, and you have to be ready for the day" thing... There were buckets of tears when we did it, but it's great now.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2009 at 4:32PM
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