'Don't tell SD...'-I am upset...

finedreamsAugust 25, 2009

I am upset with my SO in regards to his DD27 (the one who just got married and has trashy BM). Don't get me wrong, i am not thurman, i like his DDs and like them around, but it is taking its toll on our relationship....

i guess I just need to vent, but any advice is appreciated.

A little background in case people don't remember....we are not being able to ever have any holidays or vacations without his DD27. She is here every time SO is on vacation (and I as well). She is also here when SO is working, then she complains she is bored, has no car (refuses to rent), has nothing to do. I take her around but I have my own things to do and SO can't always take time off work.

We always find fun stuff to do on the weekends that involve her, such as festivals, fairs and etc, she never likes anything, is sulking the whole time and dragging her feet. She asks SO to pay for her trips to see him but then is sulking the whole visit. Now SD always wanted him to go on vacations wiht her and he did, he went and paid for everything, all the time she asked.

Latelly he's been telling her that we could go all 3 of us, he really doesn't feel like going just him and her on vacations (he didn't say it but that's what it is, plus she is grumpy all the time).

SO has very limited vacation time and it is getting too frustrating to spend it all wiht SD.

When she visits, she demands a lot of attention, elaborate homecooked meals every day, entertainment etc yet she is sulking all the time (the only time she is not sulking is when SO buys her something expensive or takes her to expensive restaurants that he cannot currently afford).

She just got married and came back from fancy 2-week honeymoon trip, called SO and said she is broke and wants to see him, so buy her a ticket to come see him. DD27 and her DH live with wealthy in-laws (subject for another post), both make very good money and have very little expense, they always go on lavish vacations and buy designer stuff, now all of a sudden they are broke but OK...

So he buys her a ticket (she is here now for 10 days), then she asks him to take her on vacation. She is a newly married woman, just came from very lavish honeymoon, SO needs to take his very few days off and take her on vacations? Why???

Now, listen here. Instead of saying how it is, he lies to her that he has no vacation left. Truth is he has few days left that me and him were planning on taking one short trip next week and then his old time college friend is coming to visit and he takes some time off for that. Intead of saying how it is he lies to her that he has no vacation left!!!! everything to avoid getting her upset.

This morning he confirms wiht me if we still up to a short trip we planned after SD leaves (mind you it is nothing elaborate) and then TELLS ME: DO NOT TELL SD. I asked why. He: "because I lied to her I have no vacation left." So now if let's say I take pics of our trip i will have to hide them, if she asks what you guys up to next week i have to lie. WHY???

SO said he wants to avoid her getting angry, she is already sulking all the time, she will be sulking more if she knows he still has vacation left. She is a married woman who goes all over the place with her DH, why would she be mad that SO takes trips wiht his GF or takes time off to take old friend around town?

I am mad that adult woman needs to be lied to, what for? and I have to be a part of that lie?

now you could ask me why I let it bother me...because all these commotion with SD27 effects us and our relationship (her sulking, demanding vacations or things he cannot afford or simply doesn't want, us not being able to plan anything because SD gets mad she is not included, SO being anxious over upsetting SD, SO being angry over all this etc).

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"We always find fun stuff to do on the weekends that involve her, such as festivals, fairs and etc, she never likes anything, is sulking the whole time and dragging her feet"

Are you sure this woman is 27? Are you sure she's not 7?

This behavior sounds unreal! A grown woman sulking and pouting? INSANITY.

I think daddy needs to cut the apron strings here. I am 28 years old and I would not DREAM of calling my dad and insisting he not only buy me a plane ticket to come visit, but then also insist he take me on vacation? Her behavior sounds like that of a very spoiled child, not a married adult woman!

It's one thing if SO offers to buy her a ticket or plans the occasional trip with you and his daughters. But I do NOT think she should ever ASK and I also think you and he should take your OWN trips together---and you should not have to hide them!

I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to say I totally agree with you that this is all very bizarre.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2009 at 1:01PM
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yeap. that what is going on.

I have to say that it did get a bit better because he stopped going on vacations with just her, but it is still not good enough.

We have difficulty going with just him either she is always here when he is on vacation, he simply does not have much vacation days left.

As about tickets or vacations, she always asked him to pay and he always did but he thought it would end when she gets married (they live very well), but she still asked him to pay this time and still asks for vacations. it is OK to help if help is needed but overall all this is just unhealthy and annoying. i had hopes for her marriage to change it, no change so far.

By the way she asked for vacation during Christmas break this year, including her DH, but it means that SO will be paying again. I was glad SO answered that WE aren't travelling during Christmas break because finedream's DD comes home for Christmas break and finedreams doesn't travel at Christmas time. I was glad he said that, but SD was pouting the rest of the evening.

I do not mind him to do things just with his kids because i do things just with DD, but he ends up spending all of his free time with her.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2009 at 1:45PM
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